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First contact from Child Maintenance 10 years after separation and payments, best way to proceed?

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TellySavlonalas

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After a decade of me paying my ex in line with our divorce agreements, she has, after successfully alienating our youngest, decided to try and get even more money from me given she no longer spends any time at my house. So I'm in the 2 weeks to reply to confirm I'm sending her even more money for the privilege of not seeing my child, now in her mid late teens.

But their information is actually wrong, I changed job last year and took a notable pay cut, my annyual income having dropped by about £30k. So I should write and tell them, but at the same time it seems this "normal" level of engagement with them is me just doing what I should do, and them believing me. So if I correct their details, as they can see from my recent payslips, it's dropped notably, so they would then re-evaluate and send out new letters? And of course in the meantime I shouldn't be paying, right?

My ex has spent a LOT of time and effort destroying routes for me to communicate with her, and also when she first blackmailed me into continuing to pay for our oldest after he left education, with the child support threat hanging over me, she said she would immediately insist on it being taken from my pay at source. It seems it's absolutely not her choice if this actually happens, and naturally I'm not going to pay based on an incorrect income. Yet I can't (and shouldn't?) need to prove to HER directly what I'm actually earning, and she probably wouldn't believe me anyway, as she's a real stellar piece of work.

I last paid her the previous amount on the 25th, and the claim was dated from yesterday, so when would i need to start paying? within a month after the start date? What is the realistic route towards it being taken straight from my pay? I actually work for a company in the US, and our UK payroll provider is... very very bad it seems. Is it always a given that it's possible to deduct from source?

Sorry, lots of questions, I'm just really not sure what I should be doing, how safe it is to hang back as long as possible etc.
 
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Speak to CMS and explain your situation. Tell them your current salary and evidence with payslips. Ignore your ex.

Yeah I'd stop paying her anything outside of this maintenance dependent on what the divorce agreement says. You might also want to say to her from now on given she's gone to cms all queries have to go via them and not You.

Taking money direct from salary is only usually for parents who are refusing to pay. You should have the ability to pay directly as the system allows this and you can demonstrate you've done this for years.
 
If 30k represents a change of more than a certain percentage (I think it is 25, might be 20), you can get an automatic recalculation based on HMRC data available to CMS.

They will call you. You do not need to panic about contacting them within 14 days. Answer the call and act flustered. Tell them you are confused. Let them know you have been making payments and you knew nothing about this before the letter landed on your doormat recently. Ask them how you can pay an amount that does not fit with your current income? Ask them how you can reclaim anything that you overpay while their records are being updated to reflect your current income. Act like you want to do everything right, but you are overwhelmed. Ask them to tell you how to cover payments you cannot afford. Ask them what you should do if paying the incorrect amount means you cannot feed yourself or maintain a home...

I was in your position. I asked this type of question. They told me how to put in a challenge and advised me it would take up to 36 weeks to respond.

I said I would start paying after the correct amount had been calculated. They said I had to pay the amount calculated in the meantime.

I asked if I would be reimbursed in case of overpayment.

They said no.

I offered to pay the arrears after calculations were finalised.
 
I have not paid anything since, nothing is due.

There would be no way of getting the money back, if I had been swayed by their intimidation.

You may have to file for a tribunal, you might be required to make dozens of phone calls, but challenge and file all of the necessary paperwork. Creating a process of deliberation presses pause on payments. You do not have to pay if the claim is in dispute.
 
Thanks, some interesting points there. I can't deny that I see this as a potential opportunity to get her to act like a reasonable and compassionate person for the benefit of my daughter, after so many years of aggressive, narcissistic self interest.

So they have called, but oddly we got disconnected twice and they gave up.

Like I hope no one else here is, I have no desire to be the bad guy and negatively impact my daughter, but this whole thing is just abhorrent and I've deliberately been given no opportunity to help my daughter for so long, I have to look at every change in this world to see if it can be used for the best.

Do you know what the route is to have pay automatically taken from your salary? I get the impression this is not something done lightly, and for her to be using it as a threat before even talking to them is... laughable?

Resolute, you said that they said you wouldn't get reimbursed. Now I take this to mean that as this is just a semi-private payment, with their oversight, rather than any actual meaningful involvement, they have no recourse to make her pay any difference back. And since then you mean you've not been paying anything at all?

I have two ... TWO .... Cafcass reports and court hearing summaries that agree with me. That this whole situation shouldn't happen, and growns should talk about things to fix them. I understand that this sort of thing would NEVER matter to Cafcass, or is there a case that tribunal wise, it can start to come into it? I presume not, but the reality of these thigns can often be very different to the theory.
 
Just on the taking cms from salary that only really happens when cms isn't being paid. The guidance allows for direct pay as long as one of the parents wants to use it. As as long as you pay what is due on the date due each month the ex will have nothing to use against you.
 
Direct pay won't benefit her as they take 4% due to her (percentage may have changed).
It sounds to me that she's now clutching at straws in the final death throws of being able to use and abuse you.
She's successfully alienated your daughter but as the kids are getting older she won't be able to control them as easily.
How often do you see your son?
If he still makes it clear he wants to see dad, your ex is lashing out through money.
Also she knows she only has so many years left before she can continue using you as an ATM.
 
TellySavlonalas said:
Resolute, you said that they said you wouldn't get reimbursed.
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I was simply told that if I paid the amount they had calculated, then showed them the amount was wrong, I would have no way of getting the money back.

I did everything on the phone. If docs or something in writing was needed I sent them while on the phone to CMS. The organisation is in chaos. They do not follow through on their policies or do what they tell you they will do. I got different answers from each person I spoke with.

I suggest you create a document now and record every phonecall: time, duration, person, info provided, response, agreements...

The real decision is made by a DWP tribunal. In my case, filing for the tribunal made CMS invest the time necessary to do what they should have been doing all along.

If someone gives you information that doesn't sound right, speak to somebody else 😀.

I had to complain, challenge, and repeat. For months and months.

Remember, they will have your ex in the other ear while all of this is going on. But, their job is to help you. They have to talk you through processes to get things corrected and explain how to use their inadequate systems. Share the problems, but try to make CMS an ally rather than an enemy. Let them rescue you.
 
Peanut 21 said:
Direct pay won't benefit her as they take 4% due to her (percentage may have changed).
It sounds to me that she's now clutching at straws in the final death throws of being able to use and abuse you.
She's successfully alienated your daughter but as the kids are getting older she won't be able to control them as easily.
How often do you see your son?
If he still makes it clear he wants to see dad, your ex is lashing out through money.
Also she knows she only has so many years left before she can continue using you as an ATM.
Click to expand...

Yes, everyone has their own view of the world, but my therapist is very confident that I am being abused due to / because of my Autism and ADHD traits. I'm very naive and try to see the best in people.

We had an interesting bit of data yesterday from my 18yo son (who has always been great, and not interested in being manipulated, he went 50/50 as soon as he was allowed to) in that she's going to move house soon as the landlord neighbors are selling. They hadn't put up the rent in the 10 years she's been there apparently, so went from overpaying to massively underpaying. Now they need to find somewhere else to live with the next 12 months and suddenly more money is being demanded from me.... suspicious, right? I think she's in a very awkward position in many ways and knows what a dangerous gamble she's taking.

I didn't know that she'd lose a percentage too, that's interesting. Does feel like it nullifies a lot of her motivations. Which maybe is by design.
 
Resolute said:
I was simply told that if I paid the amount they had calculated, then showed them the amount was wrong, I would have no way of getting the money back.

I did everything on the phone. If docs or something in writing was needed I sent them while on the phone to CMS. The organisation is in chaos. They do not follow through on their policies or do what they tell you they will do. I got different answers from each person I spoke with.

I suggest you create a document now and record every phonecall: time, duration, person, info provided, response, agreements...

The real decision is made by a DWP tribunal. In my case, filing for the tribunal made CMS invest the time necessary to do what they should have been doing all along.

If someone gives you information that doesn't sound right, speak to somebody else 😀.

I had to complain, challenge, and repeat. For months and months.

Remember, they will have your ex in the other ear while all of this is going on. But, their job is to help you. They have to talk you through processes to get things corrected and explain how to use their inadequate systems. Share the problems, but try to make CMS an ally rather than an enemy. Let them rescue you.
Click to expand...
In line with my reply above, I've a feeling there are some ... games ... going on and I have an actual opportunity to get some help for my daughter if I also engage in games, heel dragging, confusion etc. I'm given to think that I should engage only my mail, a weeks turn around instead of a day etc. the slower things go the more she may start to realize she needs to actually cooperate with me.

Whilst the recomemnded payment is abuot 30% higher than it should be due to my salary change, before she committed to putting in a claim, is it likely that she would have been told how much she should be due? Would she know now what they think she's due? Curious if her eyes lit up from (incorrect) facts or she had to guess in the dark.
 
If my experience is anything to go by, there will be no need for you to put any effort into slowing things down. CMS takes months to do simple things.
 
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