Hi Folks,
I'm looking for some advice and guidance on what to expect. There's a lot going on, so I'm listing the key points as bullets:
Obviously I want to do my best to earn, to support my daughter, but I have to be realistic and protect myself and whatever will be left for an extremely modest retirement. Also obviously, because of the dire situation she finds herself in, STBX is using access to our daughter against me. I am not prepared to go to court over our daughter, as she has gone through enough already in the last 3 years. That's non negotiable, I will go along with whatever STBX chooses in that regard. I love my daughter dearly, and she asks for more time with me, but I don't want her to be faced with months of intervention in family court, or for the stress of that to be imposed on STBX and I through that process - especially since it's incredibly biased towards the mother anyway.
If it's any use, STBX has gone absolutely loopy and is totally unrecognisable to me. It didn't start that way, but I think there has been a dawning realisation for her that she's in a big heap ton of crap, which of course she is blaming on me, because if I'm the villain, she doesn't have to be. She made her decision to leave based on the opinion of a new friend (the one she's living with and is paying £500 rent a month to). Had she stayed we would've had more options in terms of income, and we have enough room here for both my daughter and her to have their own space. We could've worked through it. But here we are.
A little extra info. Since moving out she had been sending me rental ads, and basically impressing on me how important it is she moves out, the place she is in is toxic, etc, etc. Can I help her. I gave her 3k (proceeds of asset sale) and she started viewing places. She got really excited over a place nearby and said she was going to pay the deposit, etc. Then we had a small argument over something else, she stopped me seeing my daughter and I hear nothing for a few weeks. The place remained available online. After 4 or 5 weeks, she told me she's not moving, and she feels like part of the family where she is now! I was afraid she would use the money to get an advantage over me in divorce (solicitors, etc, which I can't afford), so I asked for the money back. She paid it back! There has also been an incident recently where she hit our daughter in the face (her emotional regulation is terrible and she stopped taking her meds for that) and caused a nosebleed. When I spoke to her about it, she blamed me and my daughter, even though I wasn't there! Because of this reaction and the fact that she is prepared to renege on an agreement in an instant such that I simply can't trust her now, I reported it to the school, and they referred it to Children's Services. So now our daughter is being visited by a social worker and my STBX is working with a family support practitioner. The police also got wind and told me to report it as a crime, which I have not done. Children's Services have also offered her housing assistance, but she refused that too.
Anyway, how will court view our situation? Maybe I should just accept the 50k offer and be done with it? How on earth does she expect to pay for representation in court? Does anyone have any advice for me?
I'm looking for some advice and guidance on what to expect. There's a lot going on, so I'm listing the key points as bullets:
- STBX is 34
- STBX has a car worth approx. £11.5k
- STBX has a pension with CETV of approx. £10k
- STBX works full time on 27k, in receipt of housing benefit element of Universal Credit (approx. £475 a month), and has worked throughout the marriage
- STBX has around £5k of debt
- STBX is renting a double room from a friend, for her and our 8yr old daughter (unsuitable long term)
- I am 50
- I have a pension with CETV of approx. £145k and no other assets
- I am unemployed, claiming Universal Credit of £390 per month
- I have a condition that severely limits my earning capacity for approx. 9 more years
- I am living with my elderly mother, in the home she owns
- I have approx. £80k of unsecured debt in my name, mostly marital
- I pay child maintenance of £30 a month, in accordance with CMS assessment
- I pay utility bills and do maintenance (it needs a lot!) on my mother's home in-lieu of rent
Obviously I want to do my best to earn, to support my daughter, but I have to be realistic and protect myself and whatever will be left for an extremely modest retirement. Also obviously, because of the dire situation she finds herself in, STBX is using access to our daughter against me. I am not prepared to go to court over our daughter, as she has gone through enough already in the last 3 years. That's non negotiable, I will go along with whatever STBX chooses in that regard. I love my daughter dearly, and she asks for more time with me, but I don't want her to be faced with months of intervention in family court, or for the stress of that to be imposed on STBX and I through that process - especially since it's incredibly biased towards the mother anyway.
If it's any use, STBX has gone absolutely loopy and is totally unrecognisable to me. It didn't start that way, but I think there has been a dawning realisation for her that she's in a big heap ton of crap, which of course she is blaming on me, because if I'm the villain, she doesn't have to be. She made her decision to leave based on the opinion of a new friend (the one she's living with and is paying £500 rent a month to). Had she stayed we would've had more options in terms of income, and we have enough room here for both my daughter and her to have their own space. We could've worked through it. But here we are.
A little extra info. Since moving out she had been sending me rental ads, and basically impressing on me how important it is she moves out, the place she is in is toxic, etc, etc. Can I help her. I gave her 3k (proceeds of asset sale) and she started viewing places. She got really excited over a place nearby and said she was going to pay the deposit, etc. Then we had a small argument over something else, she stopped me seeing my daughter and I hear nothing for a few weeks. The place remained available online. After 4 or 5 weeks, she told me she's not moving, and she feels like part of the family where she is now! I was afraid she would use the money to get an advantage over me in divorce (solicitors, etc, which I can't afford), so I asked for the money back. She paid it back! There has also been an incident recently where she hit our daughter in the face (her emotional regulation is terrible and she stopped taking her meds for that) and caused a nosebleed. When I spoke to her about it, she blamed me and my daughter, even though I wasn't there! Because of this reaction and the fact that she is prepared to renege on an agreement in an instant such that I simply can't trust her now, I reported it to the school, and they referred it to Children's Services. So now our daughter is being visited by a social worker and my STBX is working with a family support practitioner. The police also got wind and told me to report it as a crime, which I have not done. Children's Services have also offered her housing assistance, but she refused that too.
Anyway, how will court view our situation? Maybe I should just accept the 50k offer and be done with it? How on earth does she expect to pay for representation in court? Does anyone have any advice for me?