Hello all.
My journey through courts, for now, is at an end. And my children have their happy ending.
I’ll be as brief as possible but, please please, if any of you recognise my experiences and need clarification or advice, please say and ask any questions, it would be my pleasure to support you.
About 2 years ago partner and I (unmarried) decided on a break to work through our difficulties. She’s younger than I am and our two children were 5 and 3 at the time. I moved into a one bed flat and the family stayed in the home solely owned by me. We were coparenting beautifully and care was more or less equal. I was doing my best to make the relationship work but it was clear it wasn’t reciprocated. We had a chat about an amicable parting of ways and how we would divide time and finances formally.
I asked for every other weekend and a midweek overnight with a decent chunk of holidays (but not half) – she flat out refused and just wanted to agree financials – I referred to these discussions as a ‘separation package’ and explained that I wouldn’t agree finances before children. Later that same week I became a safeguarding risk and my time with the children was stopped. She insisted it be supervised by a member of her family or herself and that my conversations would be listened to. It was horrible. Shortly after this a new man was moved into my property.
I got legal advice and completed a C100 asking for 2-2-5-5 care. Mediation wasn’t successful though she did try to find out what I would be paying her for my house.
The standard CAFCASS process commenced where, for the first time, I was accused of all manner of atrocities. Mental health, alcohol abuse, domestic abuse, controlling and coercive behaviour and a disinterest in caring for my children. I, like so many of us, was left empty. No contact was recommended and the process began.
I got letters from my GP and counsellor confirming no issues or risk. A PETH test showing abstinence from alcohol and, of course, there was no evidence of her allegations. All of this helped.
In the (five before this week) court hearings that followed I was awarded more and more time. From indirect contact, to family centre (an amazing experience), to unsupervised weekends, to one night, to two nights, to two nights and a dinner to three nights every other weekend with a dinner until I had every other weekend, a midweek dinner and half the holidays. I was okay with this – I felt I could get a midweek overnight at final hearing and the nightmare would be over.
Shortly before final hearing early 2024 I learn of a court application for mother to move over an hour away with the new family. This put everything I had worked for in jeopardy. I made the decision that I would move with the children if I could secure a good final order.
Fast forward to yesterday and final hearing. It was going to be one yesterday and then verdict on Friday.
On arrival, I learned that CAFCASS were approving the move with immediate affect and they were only going to recommend one midweek overnight along with the weekend arrangements. I was heartbroken. There were flaws in the report and my barrister was ready to cross examine. Mother was, of course, happy to go along with ‘the experts’.
A bit of too and froing commenced but not much progress.
I had a chat with my barrister, who has been nothing short of miraculous throughout, who explained that in his career, he’s rarely seen magistrates go against CAFCASS. He explained that I could ask for the cross examinations, give it my all and see if they would go with our 50/50 proposals – easy decision really – nothing to lose and it was in the best interests of my children.
The next half hour is a bit of a blur, CAFCASS came out of a meeting with the barristers and said they were going home as everything was sorted my barrister said it wasn’t quite but wanted to talk to me. I was offered the following order…
Arrangements stay as they are (3 nights every other weekend, midweek dinner, half the holidays) until I find accommodation close to where the children are. Immediately on move in the dinner time becomes and overnight. Then, from the start of academic year 2025 the one night becomes two and full 50/50 begins. I just broke down, as I am now writing this. I had the option of asking for the 50/50 to be brought forward but I was just finished. It was everything I wanted. And, it gives me time to sort out my own home and find somewhere to go.
We then spent a couple of hours writing up the order and making it water tight. The courts approved it and I felt my breathing change. No more knots.
And that’s where I am this morning. I might ask what happened in that room where the proposals seemed to get flipped on their heads – but I’m not sure I care that much. My ex has lied throughout and maybe the thought of being cross examined spooked her? Who knows and, frankly, who cares. I’d like to think her lies caught up with her but there’s only space in my heart for happiness now.
I’ve woken up this morning a new man.
I can’t thank this site enough for all the support and advice. In particular Resolute who spoke to me earlier on in proceedings and, the biggest thanks of all, to you Ash. You are a hero to us men in here and I, along with my two angels, fall at your feet.
I have to say, and I am in doubt about this, I’d be nowhere near where I am now without the representation I had – my barrister was different class and owned the court room at every stage – without doubt the most important person in all of this, for me, was the barrister. Do everything you can to be supported.
I’m going to take a few days to rest and start to heel.
I’m so proud of myself for securing my children’s futures, and so proud of all us on here doing the same.
Keep at it daddys. Our children need and deserve us.
Up the dads.
My journey through courts, for now, is at an end. And my children have their happy ending.
I’ll be as brief as possible but, please please, if any of you recognise my experiences and need clarification or advice, please say and ask any questions, it would be my pleasure to support you.
About 2 years ago partner and I (unmarried) decided on a break to work through our difficulties. She’s younger than I am and our two children were 5 and 3 at the time. I moved into a one bed flat and the family stayed in the home solely owned by me. We were coparenting beautifully and care was more or less equal. I was doing my best to make the relationship work but it was clear it wasn’t reciprocated. We had a chat about an amicable parting of ways and how we would divide time and finances formally.
I asked for every other weekend and a midweek overnight with a decent chunk of holidays (but not half) – she flat out refused and just wanted to agree financials – I referred to these discussions as a ‘separation package’ and explained that I wouldn’t agree finances before children. Later that same week I became a safeguarding risk and my time with the children was stopped. She insisted it be supervised by a member of her family or herself and that my conversations would be listened to. It was horrible. Shortly after this a new man was moved into my property.
I got legal advice and completed a C100 asking for 2-2-5-5 care. Mediation wasn’t successful though she did try to find out what I would be paying her for my house.
The standard CAFCASS process commenced where, for the first time, I was accused of all manner of atrocities. Mental health, alcohol abuse, domestic abuse, controlling and coercive behaviour and a disinterest in caring for my children. I, like so many of us, was left empty. No contact was recommended and the process began.
I got letters from my GP and counsellor confirming no issues or risk. A PETH test showing abstinence from alcohol and, of course, there was no evidence of her allegations. All of this helped.
In the (five before this week) court hearings that followed I was awarded more and more time. From indirect contact, to family centre (an amazing experience), to unsupervised weekends, to one night, to two nights, to two nights and a dinner to three nights every other weekend with a dinner until I had every other weekend, a midweek dinner and half the holidays. I was okay with this – I felt I could get a midweek overnight at final hearing and the nightmare would be over.
Shortly before final hearing early 2024 I learn of a court application for mother to move over an hour away with the new family. This put everything I had worked for in jeopardy. I made the decision that I would move with the children if I could secure a good final order.
Fast forward to yesterday and final hearing. It was going to be one yesterday and then verdict on Friday.
On arrival, I learned that CAFCASS were approving the move with immediate affect and they were only going to recommend one midweek overnight along with the weekend arrangements. I was heartbroken. There were flaws in the report and my barrister was ready to cross examine. Mother was, of course, happy to go along with ‘the experts’.
A bit of too and froing commenced but not much progress.
I had a chat with my barrister, who has been nothing short of miraculous throughout, who explained that in his career, he’s rarely seen magistrates go against CAFCASS. He explained that I could ask for the cross examinations, give it my all and see if they would go with our 50/50 proposals – easy decision really – nothing to lose and it was in the best interests of my children.
The next half hour is a bit of a blur, CAFCASS came out of a meeting with the barristers and said they were going home as everything was sorted my barrister said it wasn’t quite but wanted to talk to me. I was offered the following order…
Arrangements stay as they are (3 nights every other weekend, midweek dinner, half the holidays) until I find accommodation close to where the children are. Immediately on move in the dinner time becomes and overnight. Then, from the start of academic year 2025 the one night becomes two and full 50/50 begins. I just broke down, as I am now writing this. I had the option of asking for the 50/50 to be brought forward but I was just finished. It was everything I wanted. And, it gives me time to sort out my own home and find somewhere to go.
We then spent a couple of hours writing up the order and making it water tight. The courts approved it and I felt my breathing change. No more knots.
And that’s where I am this morning. I might ask what happened in that room where the proposals seemed to get flipped on their heads – but I’m not sure I care that much. My ex has lied throughout and maybe the thought of being cross examined spooked her? Who knows and, frankly, who cares. I’d like to think her lies caught up with her but there’s only space in my heart for happiness now.
I’ve woken up this morning a new man.
I can’t thank this site enough for all the support and advice. In particular Resolute who spoke to me earlier on in proceedings and, the biggest thanks of all, to you Ash. You are a hero to us men in here and I, along with my two angels, fall at your feet.
I have to say, and I am in doubt about this, I’d be nowhere near where I am now without the representation I had – my barrister was different class and owned the court room at every stage – without doubt the most important person in all of this, for me, was the barrister. Do everything you can to be supported.
I’m going to take a few days to rest and start to heel.
I’m so proud of myself for securing my children’s futures, and so proud of all us on here doing the same.
Keep at it daddys. Our children need and deserve us.
Up the dads.
