Final court order done, still no access to house. Help!

[SSL4]

I have recently finished the court process for access to my children.
Gaining 50/50 shared care.

A bit of background. Wife had been having a long affair and on discovery agreed to marriage counselling but with little interest for it. The counsellor suggested a temporary separation of a week each and we agreed that I would leave first and return to the house and she would have a week away.
On my last day out of the house a letter landed accusing me of sexual assault and whole host of other accusations.
I’ve been subject to arrest and a police investigation which have thankfully concluded with no further action.
Even though tho this is the case, the wife has suggested that if I attempt to return home she will proceed with further court order requests to keep me away.
Cafcass and social were released at the first hearing as they concluded there were no safe guarding issues and there was no fact find required.
I requested an arrangement where we shuttled in and out of the house and the children remained but the wife argued this wasn’t in the best interest of the children.
Now, as I did have somewhere to house the kids (an unofficial arrangement), the judge agreed with this. However this situation has now changed and I have nowhere to house them in my contact time. Nor myself in the very near future.

I am solely paying the mortgage and bills even though it’s in joint names and the wife has a low paid part time job. She has suggested she will support but has not done so.

I now have nowhere to have the children in my 50/50 time. Except at my own house. However I am really concerned that if I return she will create more conflict and further threats.

I cannot afford to rent too nor arrange anything at such short notice. And I feel like I’ve been totally backed into a corner emotionally and financially.

I need to go home but am worried that she’ll take me back to court again and the bills are piling up!

Please can you advise??

Stressed out dad

 

[Resolute]

This is tricky, it looks like whatever you do could blow up in your face.

Some questions I think you need to answer before members can advise you well:

1) did she get an occupation order?
2) is a non molestation order in place?
3) did you make any undertakings, e.g. not to return to house or not to harass?
4) do you have a final order or an interim order?

The nuclear option could be to stop paying mortgage and bills so you can rent somewhere to have your time with kids. She would then be the one in a precarious situation - I am not recommending this!

 

[SSL4]

Thank you resolute

Occupation and non molestation order threatened but nothing done to date.

The only undertaking I took was regarding the children and it has expired.

50-50 shared care was the final court order. Not interim.

 

[Resolute]

Thank you resolute

Occupation and non molestation order threatened but nothing done to date.

The only undertaking I took was regarding the children and it has expired.

50-50 shared care was the final court order. Not interim.

I should have got final order from the title.

Ok, it looks like something needs to happen quickly. You could consider applying for an occupation order yourself. Argument is that otherwise you will have to stop paying mortgage in order to meet you and the children's housing needs for time with you. Your ex should be able to access benefits if she is low paid, it sounds like this would not be an option for you. Occupation orders should limit harm to the parties, the balance falls in your favour to my mind.

The court can order regulated joint occupation in some circumstances. How big is the property? Could it be divided effectively until things are sorted?

Ultimately, it is difficult to see your situation being resolved without a financial remedy. Assets should be divided in a way that makes life for both sides possible. You could move to sell the house, especially if there is enough equity to sort out both sides.

Strictly, you are totally entitled to enter the property, even to use force if the locks have been changed. But this would probably be used against you quite effectively.

Massive congratulations on achieving the 50/50 shared care order! You have to move mountains if necessary to keep up your side of parenting. If your time is made impossible, your order will be vulnerable.

 

[StayStrong]

Further to Res's reply, you need to apply for Financial Remedy; the CAO is sorted, now get on with divorce petition and Financial Remedy Order. It does not provide a short term solution to your horrible issues but it will provide a solution approx 12 months from now.

And don't stop paying for the house, its equity is your future.

Thinking of you, SS.

 

[Ash]

I don't think you can move back in - it would almost certainly lead to you being arrested, your ex making more allegations and a nmo and occupation order. And then you'd lose your 50/50 order and probably end up having to go through it all over again and coming out with a worse order and less money. She doesn't want you there and could just call the police and have you done for harrassment and get an urgent occupation order to keep you out. You can't move back now. The order probably wouldn't even be valid if you moved back in either (although I'm not sure about that). She has the upper hand - she's living there, you're separated, there's an order in place and you can't go back. Unless she asks you to.

My view? You're separated, you have a 50/50 order - the kids live with both parents half the time - you have a responsibility to house the kids after separation. So yes this is a financial matter. But you need to do something fast. What is happening right now? When the kids come, what do you do? Do you have family nearby you can live with temporarily? As long as you have a place to live you can still keep up the 50/50 order - but if you're homeless - you'll lose it - very quickly.

Just stay with ANYONE right now and have the kids there with you. How old are they and what sex are they? If one is over 10 and one is a boy and one a girl, they can't share a room. If they're under 10 then can. They could even share your room with a screen at one end.

It doesn't have to be perfect accommodation. I lived in 3 rooms in a shared house for a while - my son shared our bedroom until he was 5. I then ended up sleeping in a room piled up with stuff basically - almost sleeping in a storage room! - so my son could have the other room and there was still a separate living area.

It's ok to live somewhere temporary with the kids while you sort the financials out. And it's ok to live with other people as well. Your ex might make a fuss but ultimately it's your responsibility to decide who is safe around them (having said that - be careful and don't leave them with other people - unless it's your parents eg - always be around).

So move in with someone now! But not your ex. What happened with this temporary arrangement? Was it with a girlfriend or something and you've split up? Email all your friends and family (not easy but needs must) and say - you need somewhere to live immediately for the short term with the children some of the time - while you sort out finances and get a place of your own. It only takes one person to say - come here.

In the meantime - you can remortgage to interest only (if you haven't already) - to reduce the cost of the mortgage. It means it's never being paid off but it costs less every month. However if both names are on the mortgage your ex would probably have to sign her agreement and frankly she probably won't as she'd see it in her interests to have you homeless and not have the kids with you.

If the mortgage is in joint names, you're separated and have a 50/50 order, your only obligation financially is to pay child support. And there probably isn't any to pay with 50/50 (sometimes there is a bit to pay if CMS decided it's not exactly 50/50 - depends how the order is written).

Your ex can claim benefits. If she only works part time and is on a low income with a mortgage. I'm not an expert on finances and divorce finances can take a long time to sort out (assume you're not divorced yet?).

Is there much equity in the house? That makes a difference as to what you might need to do.

Honestly I think you need to be selfish here - but realise you don't want to cause issues for the kids at their other home.

Just rent a place and tell your ex you can't pay the mortgage any more as you don't have enough money and it'll have to be remortgaged onto interest only - meanwhile try to get a 2 month payment holiday from the building society.

Bills are going up a lot as well. It's difficult to afford two households. Alternatively you might have to tell the ex the house has to be sold because you can't afford the mortgage any more (which is the case). She will have to downsize.

But the main thing right now is - get a place to live NOW!

 

[Ash]

Technically you could just stop giving her any money. She'd have to claim Universal credit then to get the mortgage paid and survive. And it would cause her financial problems - and she might then try and turn the kids against you. So somewhere in this there needs to be a balance - but you can't pay everything. So urgent list

1) Sort somewhere to stay NOW
2) Contact the building society and ask about a 2 month payment holiday and reducing to interest only mortgage.

If your ex then doesn't agree to sign for interest only then only pay her the amount that covers the interest, not the full mortgage - she had a choice.

 

[Resolute]

Good points from Ash and some decent immediate steps. If they establish a bearable interim position, fantastic.

I would still consider an application for Occupation Order, if you are at risk of homelessness that will be a big factor in the balance of harm test. As will a home for the children during the time they are ordered to be with you. Even if the court does not give you occupation of the house, an arrangement should be made that gives both parents a chance.

If she agrees to interest only and that is enough to keep you afloat, it is a different story. But this seems unlikely on both fronts:

1) from what you have said so far, she is unlikely to agree anything that makes your position better

2) saving the interest on a mortgage is unlikely to provide what you need to secure an equivalent rental property

If she does not agree, and the mortgage goes unpaid as a result, the property is at risk.

If you cannot afford both homes, the equation is very simple - one has to go unpaid. Protecting the property should be a priority as that asset will play a big part in serving interests of all concerned, especially the kid(s).

 

[Ash]

Agree that the savings on interest only probably won't be enough to fund another rental. Personally I'd be wary about going for an occupation order as it's another legal case and you could end up with her getting the occupation order, making allegations and you losing the 50/50 order. If it was me I'd just get moved in somewhere quick and stay with someone and then start sorting out the finances. Only one of you can live in the house really because she doesn't want you there and can get you out so easily by making allegations again.

With a 50/50 order you shouldn't be paying her and her providing everything for the kids - you share the cost of that out of your respective incomes. So yes pay the mortgage (and try and get it reduced) but not all the bills and everything else. But it needs sorting out properly. Main thing is - you need friends or family and some help and support right now while it's getting sorted out.

 

[Da7thSon]

I have sort of been there. I ended up moving out and living with my dad.

The issue here is the courts see finances, divorce and child custody as three separate things. They are not related and none of them bears relevance to the other (other than the divorce being put on hold until the finances are sorted).

Legally, if your name is on the mortgage, land registry etc etc it is YOUR house and you can come and go as you please. It is against the law for your ex to change the locks to prevent your entry. HOWEVER, even if you enter the property there is a possibility that your ex could phone the police and try and aledge harassment or disturbing the peace etc etc so I genuinely would not recommend it.

From a financial perspective
- you are well within your right to put the house up for sale.
- you can stop paying her anything at all as she lives there. She can claim universal credit and will probably get over £700 pm (my ex did). If you do this and she goes to the CMS, the CMS will deduct the mortgage payments as an expense as she lives at the house they you are paying the mortgage on.

Also looking at the wider issue. a child court cannot dictate where you and their mum live. Also for the time, you have the kids you are asking the mum to have a different residence, and when mum has the kids you have a different residence. Thats three homes which isn't sustainable. I would recommend that you think about this long term.

Thanks