A bit lengthy so will try to keep this as brief and as anonymous as possible....
Background
• Child: 7 years old.
• Separation: Split from ex three years ago; regular contact (weekends, holidays, as needed).
• Access Restrictions: Ex frequently restricted access based on my personal relationships
• Domestic Abuse: History of abuse from my ex towards me (unreported due to fear of losing access—evidence available).
Why Contact Stopped
• Ex has a history of controlling who is in our child’s life.
• Used child access as a tool (me and others)
• After not complying with these demands my ex stopped all contact with paternal family (~8 months now),
• False Allegations: Ex accused me of neglect, inappropriate parenting, and endangerment. Also a relative I took child to is violent (lies)
Legal Context & False Allegations
• Multiple false accusations around neglect and abuse to her
• Ex obtained an ex-parte Non mol order against me, which was dismissed - Judge wanted input into CAO
o two-year injunction against her from (violent) relative
o CPS are reviewing evidence of harassment against ex to one of my family members
o Ex admitted harassment towards me but was not charged.
Cafcass
o Ex accused me of abuse and exposing our child to an ‘unsafe’ family member.
o Ex said my child hates my surname and wants to change it and I scream at her on the phone (she doesn’t let me speak no shouting from me).
o I raised concerns about parental alienation and my child’s well-being. I raised concerns over medication and health issues – impact on schooling and routines
o Cafcass report has not explicitly taken sides but has not challenged my ex’s decision to cut contact and is weighted more to ex’s concerns than mine.
o The letter acknowledges parental alienation but does not propose urgent steps to address it.
o Report contained errors (e.g., listing a discharged non-molestation order and not listing the one against my ex).
o No interim contact recommended due to “lack of clarity” on allegations and unverified claims of harmful parenting, rather than any concrete findings.
Social Services:
o Previously I raised concerns with NSPCC regarding PA, living conditions, and medical risks.
o The case was referred, but social services only interviewed my ex
o I was never contacted or given an opportunity to submit evidence before the case was closed.
o Ex is using these reports as evidence of me harassing her
Recent Developments – in the last few weeks
• Ex Offered Contact—With Conditions:
1. Family member must drop charges against her.
2. I must not allow our child to (violent) relative
3. I must “prove” I am providing adequate care.
• Blocked When I Refused: I declined her terms and was immediately cut off from all communication.
• Threat of Supervised Contact: Ex claims professionals have advised that if I continue seeing the family member, I will only be granted supervised contact.
• Threats professionals been advised I am refusing contact.
Concerns
• My child wants to see me but is being manipulated. Child calls me names on calls and then says I still love you if I called you that.
• Ex has a history of cutting people out—her older child’s paternal family has been absent since they were three, and that child now struggles with severe mental health issues in young adulthood.
• I have messages from my ex stating she does not want me to continue “playing happy families” with her family and her child while she is alone.
FHDRA – Need Advice
1. Given the complexity, should I outline all concerns (PA, false allegations, controlling behaviour, school attendance issues, etc.), or would this overwhelm the court?
2. When should I request interim contact? Should I submit a position statement, and what key points should I highlight?
3. This is in front of a Justices legal advisor not a judge
4. I don’t think my ex is represented but I am not 100%
Any advice would be greatly appreciated—I feel lost on what to prioritise. My ex continues to tell my child that I don’t love them and that I am violating them in various ways.
It goes much deeper than this – there are significant mental health and health issues involved, along with side effects from medication. I can provide evidence of everything. My concern isn’t that my ex is ill or needs medication, but rather the risks and effects this has on my child. My ex has stated they struggle to get our child to school, and her recent attendance is well below 90%. She clearly needs support but refuses to let me provide any.
I just don’t know where to start, what do I put in a position statement, when do I ask for interim contact?
Background
• Child: 7 years old.
• Separation: Split from ex three years ago; regular contact (weekends, holidays, as needed).
• Access Restrictions: Ex frequently restricted access based on my personal relationships
• Domestic Abuse: History of abuse from my ex towards me (unreported due to fear of losing access—evidence available).
Why Contact Stopped
• Ex has a history of controlling who is in our child’s life.
• Used child access as a tool (me and others)
• After not complying with these demands my ex stopped all contact with paternal family (~8 months now),
• False Allegations: Ex accused me of neglect, inappropriate parenting, and endangerment. Also a relative I took child to is violent (lies)
Legal Context & False Allegations
• Multiple false accusations around neglect and abuse to her
• Ex obtained an ex-parte Non mol order against me, which was dismissed - Judge wanted input into CAO
o two-year injunction against her from (violent) relative
o CPS are reviewing evidence of harassment against ex to one of my family members
o Ex admitted harassment towards me but was not charged.
Cafcass
o Ex accused me of abuse and exposing our child to an ‘unsafe’ family member.
o Ex said my child hates my surname and wants to change it and I scream at her on the phone (she doesn’t let me speak no shouting from me).
o I raised concerns about parental alienation and my child’s well-being. I raised concerns over medication and health issues – impact on schooling and routines
o Cafcass report has not explicitly taken sides but has not challenged my ex’s decision to cut contact and is weighted more to ex’s concerns than mine.
o The letter acknowledges parental alienation but does not propose urgent steps to address it.
o Report contained errors (e.g., listing a discharged non-molestation order and not listing the one against my ex).
o No interim contact recommended due to “lack of clarity” on allegations and unverified claims of harmful parenting, rather than any concrete findings.
Social Services:
o Previously I raised concerns with NSPCC regarding PA, living conditions, and medical risks.
o The case was referred, but social services only interviewed my ex
o I was never contacted or given an opportunity to submit evidence before the case was closed.
o Ex is using these reports as evidence of me harassing her
Recent Developments – in the last few weeks
• Ex Offered Contact—With Conditions:
1. Family member must drop charges against her.
2. I must not allow our child to (violent) relative
3. I must “prove” I am providing adequate care.
• Blocked When I Refused: I declined her terms and was immediately cut off from all communication.
• Threat of Supervised Contact: Ex claims professionals have advised that if I continue seeing the family member, I will only be granted supervised contact.
• Threats professionals been advised I am refusing contact.
Concerns
• My child wants to see me but is being manipulated. Child calls me names on calls and then says I still love you if I called you that.
• Ex has a history of cutting people out—her older child’s paternal family has been absent since they were three, and that child now struggles with severe mental health issues in young adulthood.
• I have messages from my ex stating she does not want me to continue “playing happy families” with her family and her child while she is alone.
FHDRA – Need Advice
1. Given the complexity, should I outline all concerns (PA, false allegations, controlling behaviour, school attendance issues, etc.), or would this overwhelm the court?
2. When should I request interim contact? Should I submit a position statement, and what key points should I highlight?
3. This is in front of a Justices legal advisor not a judge
4. I don’t think my ex is represented but I am not 100%
Any advice would be greatly appreciated—I feel lost on what to prioritise. My ex continues to tell my child that I don’t love them and that I am violating them in various ways.
It goes much deeper than this – there are significant mental health and health issues involved, along with side effects from medication. I can provide evidence of everything. My concern isn’t that my ex is ill or needs medication, but rather the risks and effects this has on my child. My ex has stated they struggle to get our child to school, and her recent attendance is well below 90%. She clearly needs support but refuses to let me provide any.
I just don’t know where to start, what do I put in a position statement, when do I ask for interim contact?
She has now also blocked me again from even speaking to my child...I think because she offered contact if I did x,y and z, none related to the child's welfare and not something i could actually legally agree too.