Hello, I stumbled across this forum and I’ve been reading some stories on here and just the fact of knowing that others are going through or have been through what I’m going through feels like I already have some level of support which is a breath of fresh air. I’ve discovered that there really is no support out here unless you pay someone for it. Here’s my story, it’s a long one but I’m desperate for advice..
My relationship of 15 years was going downhill for the best part of the last year but more intensely these last few months. My partner was acting suspicious, starting arguments, going to bed early saying she was tired but actually just sitting on her phone for hours. Admittedly I’ve been pissed off about it, I’ve slammed a few doors and the arguments have been bad but I would never touch a hair on her head. I was just so frustrated of doing everything for her (she doesn’t work but I work 6 days a week) that I’ve kicked up a bit of a fuss at home and it was quite clear that the relationship needed to end but neither of us was doing anything about that.
Anyway, one night I tried it on with her and we ended up having sex. Completely consensual.
Fast forward one week later and I’m being arrested for rape. I’ve been put on bail which included that I couldn’t see our child. My solicitor managed to get these conditions varied so that I could and now I’ve been slammed with an ex parte non molestation order alleging that I’m abusive, a threat, a danger etc and so I have a hearing coming up as there are no fact findings it’s just a she said situation. I noticed that whilst my ex applied for me to not see our child, the court only ordered that I couldn’t go near my ex or the house. Due to the allegations made, a social worker is now involved who was assisting on arranging contact with my child. I spoke with the SW who said that although the bail conditions are now varied to allow me to see my child, and the non mol doesn’t include my child, I still can’t see my child because mum says I can’t and that I’ll have to go to court and follow that process.
I need some advice please -
Due to the allegation of sexual assault I’m having to engage a solicitor for pre charge rep as duty solicitors will only wait until you’re charged before assisting and I want to try to have it thrown out before being charged.
The non mol order doesn’t include my child so I’m not bothered about not seeing my ex but I am of course still going to defend myself and try to have it discharged. Would you advise getting a family court solicitor involved at this point? And if so for what work exactly? Just filling out the forms or attending court with me?
Due to the criminal investigation the only amount of (modest) funds I have will be going towards that so I need to be realistic about costs.
How do I start proceedings now to allow me access to my child?
She is applying for an occupation order too. We don’t own the home and I’ve given the landlord my notice period and said I’m still happy to pay the rent up until that date purely because if it’s not paid and I’m on the contract, I’d technically be breaching that contract. As part of the occupation order she wants me out of the house (I already am) but still requires me to pay rent.
So she wants me sent to prison, to have absolutely no contact with my child, yet continuing to pay for her to live in the house I’ve just been kicked out of. Can’t make it make sense.
The criminal investigation is looming over me like a dark cloud because it’s all a complete lie and the idea of going to prison and being branded a sex offender is harrowing. But in the meantime I’m struggling without our child. I am more hands on with our child than she is, I do absolutely everything for our child and up until all of this haven’t once spent a day without them. It feels like grief.
The police were happy to vary my bail conditions, the court haven’t included my child in the non mol and SS seemed happy to start arranging contact with my child but because mum says no I can’t do jack S about it.
Can someone please advise me as to what to do here?
I’ve heard about a form called C100. Do I issue one now or after the non mol order? Where should I spend my money? On the criminal investigation, defending the non mol or for court proceedings to see my child?
Thank you in advance. I’m incredibly distressed as you can probably gather from this post.
My relationship of 15 years was going downhill for the best part of the last year but more intensely these last few months. My partner was acting suspicious, starting arguments, going to bed early saying she was tired but actually just sitting on her phone for hours. Admittedly I’ve been pissed off about it, I’ve slammed a few doors and the arguments have been bad but I would never touch a hair on her head. I was just so frustrated of doing everything for her (she doesn’t work but I work 6 days a week) that I’ve kicked up a bit of a fuss at home and it was quite clear that the relationship needed to end but neither of us was doing anything about that.
Anyway, one night I tried it on with her and we ended up having sex. Completely consensual.
Fast forward one week later and I’m being arrested for rape. I’ve been put on bail which included that I couldn’t see our child. My solicitor managed to get these conditions varied so that I could and now I’ve been slammed with an ex parte non molestation order alleging that I’m abusive, a threat, a danger etc and so I have a hearing coming up as there are no fact findings it’s just a she said situation. I noticed that whilst my ex applied for me to not see our child, the court only ordered that I couldn’t go near my ex or the house. Due to the allegations made, a social worker is now involved who was assisting on arranging contact with my child. I spoke with the SW who said that although the bail conditions are now varied to allow me to see my child, and the non mol doesn’t include my child, I still can’t see my child because mum says I can’t and that I’ll have to go to court and follow that process.
I need some advice please -
Due to the allegation of sexual assault I’m having to engage a solicitor for pre charge rep as duty solicitors will only wait until you’re charged before assisting and I want to try to have it thrown out before being charged.
The non mol order doesn’t include my child so I’m not bothered about not seeing my ex but I am of course still going to defend myself and try to have it discharged. Would you advise getting a family court solicitor involved at this point? And if so for what work exactly? Just filling out the forms or attending court with me?
Due to the criminal investigation the only amount of (modest) funds I have will be going towards that so I need to be realistic about costs.
How do I start proceedings now to allow me access to my child?
She is applying for an occupation order too. We don’t own the home and I’ve given the landlord my notice period and said I’m still happy to pay the rent up until that date purely because if it’s not paid and I’m on the contract, I’d technically be breaching that contract. As part of the occupation order she wants me out of the house (I already am) but still requires me to pay rent.
So she wants me sent to prison, to have absolutely no contact with my child, yet continuing to pay for her to live in the house I’ve just been kicked out of. Can’t make it make sense.
The criminal investigation is looming over me like a dark cloud because it’s all a complete lie and the idea of going to prison and being branded a sex offender is harrowing. But in the meantime I’m struggling without our child. I am more hands on with our child than she is, I do absolutely everything for our child and up until all of this haven’t once spent a day without them. It feels like grief.
The police were happy to vary my bail conditions, the court haven’t included my child in the non mol and SS seemed happy to start arranging contact with my child but because mum says no I can’t do jack S about it.
Can someone please advise me as to what to do here?
I’ve heard about a form called C100. Do I issue one now or after the non mol order? Where should I spend my money? On the criminal investigation, defending the non mol or for court proceedings to see my child?
Thank you in advance. I’m incredibly distressed as you can probably gather from this post.
