Guest viewing is limited

False allegations by partner, advice

B

bristol360

New member
Member
Hello all,

First all, grateful to find this forum and hats off to those who maintain it, reading it has been enlightening as well as comforting that I'm not alone.

My issue, partner accused me of assault and some mistreatment (financial abuse) allegations to the police. This was following an argument (verbal). The allegations are either lies or exaggerating true events, I've never touched her violently or denied money.

I was arrested earlier this week and given bail which ends in December. This is madness, I've done nothing wrong and now can't access my property. I can however see my kids (teen boy/girl) and she's not being obstructive. There isn't any evidence but I am being put in this awful position being miles away from my kids due to lies. Things haven't been great for a while but I never expected this.

From the knowledge on here is it worth obtaining a solicitor who could maybe review my case and bring (maybe) it to swifter end or am I consigned to this life for the the rest of this year?

Opinions/advice gratefully received. Thankyou.
 
With the children being the age they are, they will be making their own minds up and their views will be the beginning and the end of this issue.

A solicitor won't be able to do a huge amount other than send you a whopping bill.

Is your issue to do with the house or the children?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ash
bristol360 said:
Hello all,

First all, grateful to find this forum and hats off to those who maintain it, reading it has been enlightening as well as comforting that I'm not alone.

My issue, partner accused me of assault and some mistreatment (financial abuse) allegations to the police. This was following an argument (verbal). The allegations are either lies or exaggerating true events, I've never touched her violently or denied money.

I was arrested earlier this week and given bail which ends in December. This is madness, I've done nothing wrong and now can't access my property. I can however see my kids (teen boy/girl) and she's not being obstructive. There isn't any evidence but I am being put in this awful position being miles away from my kids due to lies. Things haven't been great for a while but I never expected this.

From the knowledge on here is it worth obtaining a solicitor who could maybe review my case and bring (maybe) it to swifter end or am I consigned to this life for the the rest of this year?

Opinions/advice gratefully received. Thankyou.
Click to expand...
Have you been interviewed by the police yet? If you have did you have a solicitor? If you did have a solicitors did you give an account/answer questions or go no comment in the interview?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ash
Welcome to the forum buddy. Sorry to hear you are going through this, most of us here, myself included, have been exactly in your position. I was arrested for child abuse and assault charges which got NFA’d and have my first child arrangements hearing coming up.

Did you give a no comment interview at the police station?

How are you currently able to see your kids? Is it through a third party? I’m guessing you can’t communicate with your ex at all?

I personally wouldn’t bother with a solicitor, I had one for my criminal case and he said not to bother with any pre charge engagement work. Just let the police see what they come back to you with. I doubt you will be able to speed them up.

From now on, start to record everything as you may rely on any evidence later and ideally do things via writing.

Sorry you are going through this, it sucks. Stay strong buddy
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ash
Nanaforsonsjustice said:
Have you been interviewed by the police yet? If you have did you have a solicitor? If you did have a solicitors did you give an account/answer questions or go no comment in the interview?
Click to expand...
Yes, was interviewed after spending a few hours in a cell. Had the duty solicitor who advised a statement refuting the allegations in order but the police did ask me a few questions anyway which I handled ok.
 
JC83 said:
Welcome to the forum buddy. Sorry to hear you are going through this, most of us here, myself included, have been exactly in your position. I was arrested for child abuse and assault charges which got NFA’d and have my first child arrangements hearing coming up.

Did you give a no comment interview at the police station?

How are you currently able to see your kids? Is it through a third party? I’m guessing you can’t communicate with your ex at all?

I personally wouldn’t bother with a solicitor, I had one for my criminal case and he said not to bother with any pre charge engagement work. Just let the police see what they come back to you with. I doubt you will be able to speed them up.

From now on, start to record everything as you may rely on any evidence later and ideally do things via writing.

Sorry you are going through this, it sucks. Stay strong buddy
Click to expand...
Thanks, I submitted a statement against the allegations. I have proof for some of the allegations being untrue & e.g the financial abuse. The rest is just guff from her.

As for the access to kids, I can see them on their own, take them out, even said I can take them abroad. It makes little sense, if someone has allegedly been violent and scare her, why would she let the technically most vulnerable people in the family see such an apparently awful person? That's because she's made up a bunch of lies. I am grateful for the access, the only thing keeping my spirits up.
 
nothernsoul said:
With the children being the age they are, they will be making their own minds up and their views will be the beginning and the end of this issue.

A solicitor won't be able to do a huge amount other than send you a whopping bill.

Is your issue to do with the house or the children?
Click to expand...

Just getting my life on track..this was totally unexpected, like a massive unexpected slap in the face and was humiliating..I'm sure friends and people we know now know something has happened to me.

She obviously wants rid of me and took the nuclear option. I just want to bury the hatchet so we can co-parent effectively, dissolve the house and move on, no way am I going back into a relationship. I'd like my kids to have some normality and this isn't it.

To be honest, I don't think she intended to go this far, we share the parenting/chores/cooking/taxi'ing equally and now she's in quite a hole having to do everything.
 
bristol360 said:
Thanks, I submitted a statement against the allegations. I have proof for some of the allegations being untrue & e.g the financial abuse. The rest is just guff from her.

As for the access to kids, I can see them on their own, take them out, even said I can take them abroad. It makes little sense, if someone has allegedly been violent and scare her, why would she let the technically most vulnerable people in the family see such an apparently awful person? That's because she's made up a bunch of lies. I am grateful for the access, the only thing keeping my spirits up.
Click to expand...

Ah ok, I was advised to do a pre prepared statement too. A lot of exs allegations were nonsense too e.g. I get drunk and abuse prescription drugs yet I’m not on any and don’t get drunk! If most of it is guff and there’s no evidence it sounds like it will be NFA’d.

That’s good you can see your kids. How do you arrange access to see them? The reason I ask is be very careful if you are messaging the ex or her family. You could end up with a non molestation order for controlling behaviour, harassment etc. I got one a couple of weeks after my case was NFA’d. If you have one, it can make it harder to see your kids depending on how the order is written.
 
JC83 said:
Ah ok, I was advised to do a pre prepared statement too. A lot of exs allegations were nonsense too e.g. I get drunk and abuse prescription drugs yet I’m not on any and don’t get drunk! If most of it is guff and there’s no evidence it sounds like it will be NFA’d.

That’s good you can see your kids. How do you arrange access to see them? The reason I ask is be very careful if you are messaging the ex or her family. You could end up with a non molestation order for controlling behaviour, harassment etc. I got one a couple of weeks after my case was NFA’d. If you have one, it can make it harder to see your kids depending on how the order is written.
Click to expand...

They are old enough so I just call or WhatsApp them . They run it by her (in fact, they just tell her!) and then we meet somewhere.

For yourself and the others who were NFA'd, how long was the wait? Did you access the family home again or did they block you somehow? I just want to sort this and put it behind me, it's a shame as we have such a great family unit.
 
That’s good they are old enough to message directly.

I was about 4 months. It’s common for bail to be extended.
 
Ok it's really good you're getting to see the kids. She's done this to get you out of the house probably. Where are you living now? I suggest sitting tight, keep seeing your kids, and don't contact the ex directly. Hopefully by December you'll get NFA (no further action) and the bail will finish. At some point divorce financials will probably start. It could be a slow long process, so meanwhile get all the support you can, from friends and family - see a counsellor if you need to.

A solicitor won't do much except run up bills as Nothern Soul says. You don't need a solicitor to sort arrangements for the kids as you're already seeing them. It's possible your ex may delay on divorce as at the moment she has the house to herself anyway. What about finances? Are you still paying bills and mortgage on the house?

It's supposed to be cheaper to divorce via mediation - but you won't be able to do that while you're on bail (although shuttle mediation might be possible). The idea of that is it can lead to a consent order which is legally binding and avoid expensive court costs and hearings (I think - I'm not that up on divorce).

A solicitor won't be able to speed up the police situation. The reason people are asking if you no commented everything is, if you do then the Police can't pass it to the CPS unless they have any evidence. But if they have no evidence then they will probably NFA it anyway. So it's a case of waiting. Which isn't nice, but try and focus on your kids and keeping your life having some sort of normality while in limbo.
 

@bristol360 unfortunately I went through a very similar situation, however my ex actually went to the extreme of accusing me of Sexual Assault. Its hard for people to comprehend the impact false allegations this can have on a person.​


I fully appreciate that you have used the duty solicitor but I found that mine failed to offer me the necessary specialist support I needed.

Ultimately I chose to go private, initially I instructed a solicitor and paid a heft price (£7,500) these initially let me down with detail (and I am still seeking to get the money back), so I moved again staying private to someone who specialised solely in what I required. I am not going to lie, its a long journey but I got a NFA after a long period and am now rebuilding the damaged relationship with my children., family and friends. I know deep down it will never be the same, innocent or guilty!

There are people out there that can help, its just a case of finding the right people.
 
Ash said:
Ok it's really good you're getting to see the kids. She's done this to get you out of the house probably. Where are you living now? I suggest sitting tight, keep seeing your kids, and don't contact the ex directly. Hopefully by December you'll get NFA (no further action) and the bail will finish. At some point divorce financials will probably start. It could be a slow long process, so meanwhile get all the support you can, from friends and family - see a counsellor if you need to.

A solicitor won't do much except run up bills as Nothern Soul says. You don't need a solicitor to sort arrangements for the kids as you're already seeing them. It's possible your ex may delay on divorce as at the moment she has the house to herself anyway. What about finances? Are you still paying bills and mortgage on the house?

It's supposed to be cheaper to divorce via mediation - but you won't be able to do that while you're on bail (although shuttle mediation might be possible). The idea of that is it can lead to a consent order which is legally binding and avoid expensive court costs and hearings (I think - I'm not that up on divorce).

A solicitor won't be able to speed up the police situation. The reason people are asking if you no commented everything is, if you do then the Police can't pass it to the CPS unless they have any evidence. But if they have no evidence then they will probably NFA it anyway. So it's a case of waiting. Which isn't nice, but try and focus on your kids and keeping your life having some sort of normality while in limbo.
Click to expand...

Thanks everyone for the input and advice.

We aren't married - yet, that was sort of planned for 2025 (nothing fancy, reg office) a while ago but had all gone quiet of late.

Should hopefully make the financials easier as it's just the house and maybe the cars which are newish. And yes, I'm paying all of the mortgage and bills, not much can be done about that at this stage I suppose?

I'm living with a mate but it's quite a distance so a pain, might think about hotels closer to home for 2-3 nights a week so I can see the kids a bit more ad-hoc and be closer to my hometown in general as I'm missing it. Obviously not too close to avoid my partner.

Trying to stay positive.
 
The following link gives a good insight into possible consequences of domestic violence. This only further shows the damage that can be caused from False allegations.

Imagine if the person doing the false allegation was punished in the same way! maybe this is a change that needs to be pursued!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Link removed. Please stop posting spam links for a certain legal firm. Thank you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top