False accusations... what to do??

[Nujra Rof]

Hi everyone,

Me and STBX have done our voluntary form E exchange (still within the 20 week period) and we have the first mediation session booked in two weeks time.

She has already emailed the mediator (with me copied in) telling the mediator that she is concerned I am hiding and not revealing income/assets accurately.

It is completely not true and I've provided all the supporting documentation. Mediator replied saying she will talk about importance of disclosure on the first meeting and points she has raised regarding concerns. I fear she is doing this just to drag things out (as she pays nothing to live at home), I do not know what mediator will say or she will say why she thinks I am hiding things.

Anyone experienced this before?

I think it will just drag out and we will end up going through courts in the end...probably looking at another year then of this hell! I can only submit form A after mediator sign off and then date could be 4/5 months away...

Any thoughts appreciated as feeling very low now, she is stifling this process, where as I am trying to be productive and get things moving forward, particularly for the sake of our children and giving them stability as they start school in September and wanted them settled before then...

 

[Femto]

What you describe is very reminiscent of how my financial settlement process started out - I ended up in court, the full works!

I would treat her accusations of incomplete disclosure to be an admission of what she is up to.

 

[Nujra Rof]

What you describe is very reminiscent of how my financial settlement process started out - I ended up in court, the full works!

I would treat her accusations of incomplete disclosure to be an admission of what she is up to.

How do you mean an admission of what she is up to?

Sorry always easier to see it from outside looking in than within the process itself

 

[Oneofmany]

Think he's saying...... she's probably doing it so is try to deflect onto you

 

[Nujra Rof]

Think he's saying...... she's probably doing it so is try to deflect onto you

Ah you think she’s lying on her form?

 

[Oneofmany]

I think @Femto was saying that is a possibility. It could be that she's just setting up to drag things out as you said. However, you'll probably never actually know, so for what its worth..... tune out the static noise (as hard as it is) keep you side squeeky clean and just be prepared buddy.

 

[Resolute]

Hi everyone,

Me and STBX have done our voluntary form E exchange (still within the 20 week period) and we have the first mediation session booked in two weeks time.

She has already emailed the mediator (with me copied in) telling the mediator that she is concerned I am hiding and not revealing income/assets accurately.

It is completely not true and I've provided all the supporting documentation. Mediator replied saying she will talk about importance of disclosure on the first meeting and points she has raised regarding concerns. I fear she is doing this just to drag things out (as she pays nothing to live at home), I do not know what mediator will say or she will say why she thinks I am hiding things.

Anyone experienced this before?

I think it will just drag out and we will end up going through courts in the end...probably looking at another year then of this hell! I can only submit form A after mediator sign off and then date could be 4/5 months away...

Any thoughts appreciated as feeling very low now, she is stifling this process, where as I am trying to be productive and get things moving forward, particularly for the sake of our children and giving them stability as they start school in September and wanted them settled before then...

I agree it is very likely that she is accusing you of what she is doing. Another expression that might work: 'attack is the best form of defence!'

I have experience of the exact same situation, without the mediation bit (exemption due to her DA allegations). I gave very curt answers to her accusations of misrepresentation on my part. Stuff along the lines of:

1. Required information has been provided, please see XX.XX.
2. If Ms XXXXX wishes to make reciprocal agreement to make enhanced disclosure please provide her proposal in writing.

Do not get drawn in. If they ask for something reasonable, provide it. If they ask for something that does not apply, quote the form to them. If they ask for something they are not providing, offer to proceed on a reciprocal basis. Keep it simple!

In mediation stick to your guns:

1. I believe I have provided the required information. But, I am happy to answer enquiries in writing as per the formal process.

2. Thank you for highlighting an area where we could better cooperate on establishing resolution. I suggest we detail further disclosure to be made on a reciprocal basis and agree a time for simultaneous exchange.

Hold your head high. Do not let any of this get under your skin. And finally, create the time you need to focus on enquiries relating to her disclosure. The benefit of her behaviour is it gives you free training on points to throw back.

Good luck.