False accusations and non mole

[25230934Lj]

Hello all,

I’ve had a second non mole served, countless false allegations(never ends) luckily I got awarded a live with order and equal shared care however ex partner is extremely bitter that I got awarded this after glowing section 7 from
Cafcass, positive feedback from
Social services(2 cases of false child abuse claims) I’ve been extremely child focused approach which the court awarded and noticed.

I have a new partner who my ex attacks in all her statements and accusations bringing up unnecessary messages from 5 years ago about love, baby making etc. I got arrested on my birthday in front of our son and my partners 2 kids over a staged assault,where I claimed my son during handover and then she resisted and pulled back so I released and she shouted stop touching me you’re hurting me as claimed that I touched her arm twice.

Any advice as I can’t continue challenging her, contested 2 day non mole hearing is in October and im
Now LIP. I can’t compete with her lies and dishonesty.the courts are no longer able to supply me with a QLR to cross examine her. I’m at the stage where I have had enough and want to accept an undertaking again to continue with my life without stress and the affect it has on me and my family.

 

[Ash]

I think contesting a non mol can drag on and be expensive. A cross undertaking would be better. Could you afford a direct access barrister for half a day for the hearing? I think you'd be more likely to get a cross undertaking then and that's better for you as it means she can't harrass as she's liable to the non mol as well then.

 

[25230934Lj]

I think contesting a non mol can drag on and be expensive. A cross undertaking would be better. Could you afford a direct access barrister for half a day for the hearing? I think you'd be more likely to get a cross undertaking then and that's better for you as it means she can't harrass as she's liable to the non mol as well then.

 

[25230934Lj]

I think contesting a non mol can drag on and be expensive. A cross undertaking would be better. Could you afford a direct access barrister for half a day for the hearing? I think you'd be more likely to get a cross undertaking then and that's better for you as it means she can't harrass as she's liable to the non mol as well then.

Yeah the hearing is set for 1.5 days in October. How do I go about now asking for cross undertaking instead? Who do I ask that to? Do I do that before the hearing? They were going to appoint a QLR for me for hearing to cross examine but now can’t find one so I have to write out all the questions etc and is just too much! Just want it all to stop!
What would a cross undertaking involve and would it be up to the court or my ex partner to agree? Shes more insistent on destroying me than anything plus she will never take any form of accountability this is why i ask?

Thanks for your reply really appreciate it

 

[Ash]

Is this a final hearing for the NMO then? A second hearing? Just wondering when you say cross examination involved. It certainly is a huge task to deal with all on your own. Your ex will probably have legal aid funded lawyers because she's claiming to be a victim of abuse.

It's not right that it should cost us Dad's money, but if you can find a couple of thousand pounds it could help get this knocked on the head. Before any hearing there are negotiations and if both have lawyers, they can thrash out agreement for something like a cross undertaking - they use all kinds of techniques to try and get agreement, threatening each other etc with what could happen to the other party if they don't agree and they lose.

So that's the best chance of getting a cross undertaking, via pre hearing negotiations on the day. In the event that fails, the barrister would then do the cross examination for you and hopefully show your ex up for what she is doing and get costs ordered for you.

One thing I am not entirely sure about, others may know, with an NMO hearing when you already have a 50/50 child arrangements order, is whether, if you win, the Judge could amend or change the child arrangements order. I suspect not and that it's dealt with separately. But a barrister, if they undermine your ex's case to the Judge, could suggest that you should have sole residency due to her behaviour. Obviously that is what your ex is trying to achieve! But if she has no evidence, and you have evidence to show she is making it up and there's nothing in it, then things could go in your favour.

Without representation, you're the only one who can do the cross examination and you'd be up against a barrier. Which would be an unfair playing field. It happens all the time. Barristers like to win, which is why they are good usually.

Yours needs to be better than hers. I take it she's still following the 50/50 order? But presumably causing minor disruptions? Are the kids getting affected?

Ongoing you need to completely minimise any interaction with her at all and do "parallel parenting" rather than co parenting. If you have a defined 50/50 order (ie with days, times, holiday dates, set out specifically) you can do that, and there's no need for any communication, you can ignore any irrelevant communication from her and the only contact with her would just be for some emergency. It might mean buying your own school uniform or PE kit rather than having to deal with disruptions by her not sending the kids with things etc (which is common).

If it's a basic order that just said the children live with each parent on a 50/50 shared care basis. Without anything defined. Then it can be chaotic and stressful and you need a defined order. Which might be able to be sorted as part of this case, or might need an application to vary. And some additional clauses added to prevent her doing certain things.

As for whether the court/Judge can order a cross undertaking. It's usually something done by agreement I think/thrashing out via negotiations. You could ask the Judge for it, but without him hearing the evidence and cross examination I think he's unlikely to order it and after hearing it he will probably want to come down on one side or the other. If you just ask for an undertaking the Judge might say no and then you end up with an NMO even if it's a non admission NMO - that still has the power of arrest and no doubt your ex is gunning to have you arrested for breach of an NMO to get out of the 50/50 order.

You need to be able to show that is her motivation by giving examples of her disruptive behaviour (emails and text communication between you can help with this). Also little bits of random evidence can help - eg a petrol receipt to show you were at a different location on a day she claims you did something. But presumably most of it is just her saying this happened at handover and you saying it didn't.