FaceTime / communication when on holidays

[Richie1989]

Hi everybody,

Just wanted to get peoples opinions on this and to hear other peoples experience when it comes to contact while away on holiday.

So basically, all holidays are equally shared which is fantastic! This did take a huge fight though and let’s just say that’s not what my daughters mum wanted. Anyway, my daughter goes away for 2 weeks in August and I have asked mum if it’s ok to facetime. Especially now we have a good routine and seeing how well our daughters responded to that though it might be a decent thing to do for her. During the same conversation via a parenting app mum also asked me for the address of a person who I am now spending quite a bit of time with. My daughter isn’t but I am, so it’s absolutely not relevant for me to send the address over and I expressed this. I can’t just give peoples addresses and also it’s none of her business and more specifically it’s not in the order or even been mentioned!! Obviously control and maybe some interest with agenda.
So because I woundnt share this woman’s address she retaliated and said “well, FaceTime isn’t in the court order, so no I don’t agree to that either”. Ffs!! Of course that’s what she is going to say. If people have followed my story you will already know just how much my ex loves to weaponise our daughter. My response was, “ok fair enough I accept your wishes and yes like you say it’s not in the order”. “However, this is not what XXXX would want and maybe you need to explain to her why she can’t talk to daddy when ever she goes away”. So now she’s furious:

1) I didn’t respond to her lashing out
2) I won’t give her the address
3) I have now pointed out it’s our daughter who it’s impacting

So what started out as a simple conversation to discuss communication while away as now turned into my ex telling me I am being emotionally and psychologically and how she is extremely concerned that I will plants seeds to turn our daughter against her and how she is going to be putting fires out that I have started!! Then also mentioned how I said I am going to tell XXXX mummy not been very nice!! Then went on to say I have breached court order!! What the hell!! Never said these things once or breached order. Here we go again I thought. So I quickly closed the conversation by saying “why on earth would I do that”, “please send screenshots of the messages where I have said these things and a list of the things I have done that are in breach and I will make sure I don’t do these things again”.

Surprise surprise! No screenshots

Wow!! All from me simply and nicely asking about FaceTime while away

Thank goodness for the CAO!!

What are peoples thoughts on this and also FaceTime/communication with children while away?

 

[Dirge]

You are to be congratulated on how you have handled the issue so far Richie, it takes self control to ignore the jibes and respond rationally. 100% right not to give out your friend's address, nothing to do with her. Imagine the accusations you'd get if it was the other way round? I am having issues with face time too, but not quite the same as you. I would love to have QUALITY face time with my children - but ex controls what they say and they are clearly uncomfortable doing it, so I feel there is little benefit to me or the children. I suppose it's a question of how strongly you feel about it. Is it worth considering getting a SIO to grant face time - would ex stick to it even if it was court ordered? Unfortunately it sounds like you are set to have battles with your ex for some time to come. Hang tough mate.

 

[Richie1989]

Last time they went away for a week daughter was allowed 1 phonecall and it was totally fine. Although she got upset afterwards (so mum says) which I can see why after everything we went through. It’s probably quite a normal response for her to get a little upset after having a very fragile relationship with daddy for a year or so at a really vital age/developmental stage. My opinion would be she maybe needs more FaceTime communication so she knows I am not going anywhere and she feels secure knowing I am always there. That’s my view on it! However, my ex sees it as no communication at all so she doesn’t get upset. Totally contrast in approach!

I have made it very clear my ex can ring whenever she wants and I would encourage it. I really don’t find it intrusive but more an act of reinforcing security and support in ori daughter. She’s been through a lot over the last year or 2 so some attention TLC might be a good thing.

Yes, I know exactly what you mean about the calls being controlled. Holiday before last I had exactly the same. It was facilitated by NPD absolutely batshit mother in law. My daughter wouldnt even talk until grandma said “talk then XXXX” and then she would talk to me.

I suppose in time we can both find some comfort/reassurance that they won’t always be told when and when they can’t and rather they have a choice themselves. Once they have there own phone/iPad etc and they can decide when they want to talk to us or not talk to us. There is a huge difference between mummy not alllowing it to happen and the child choosing not to call cos they are having such a good time making new friends and playing in the pool. The latter I would absolutely be happy with. It’s the control that does sit well with me

 

[bujanin]

My ex was granted her application to take our son overseas even though there was a PSO in place. The condition was three calls to be made home to Dad during the ten days. I got one call for 4 minutes.

My experience of facetime anywhere is that it's always listened to, the boy always feels inhibited.