I very much agree with the "vetting" business. To get straight to the point, if you can afford legal representation, it can help a lot - but only if they are very good and not biased towards Mothers (sadly that is ingrained in many). As in most things in life there are some really bad (and really biased) solicitors out there.
After my initial experiences, and spending thousands and getting nowhere, I used a direct access barrister for later hearings. Barristers are hugely more effective than solicitors generally and can win your case for you. The cost actually works out less overall. It means you do the solicitor paperwork yourself - like submit the application, deal with any correspondence (or ignore any correspondence from the other side!) and rely on the court process and the barrister. A direct access barrister should offer a fixed fee to include an initial consultationa and representation at a hearing.
A solicitor will usually charge an hourly fee and many bills will be run up by pointless letters going backwards and forwards between solicitors, arguing and not achieving anything. When the outcome is to be decided in court anyway.
I has cost me over £30,000 as well. I do have a shared care/lives with both parents order, but not 50/50. My first application to court was an urgent one. My ex had made allegations and prevented me seeing my child permanently (this was after 7 years of co parenting without an order). I had a holiday booked for the week after she did this. The first solicitor I spoke to said - well it's too late for the holiday now - it'll be a slow process applying to court. Lazy and not that interested despite a child's life being involved! Meanwhile the allegations were still hanging around and gaining more mileage (she reported to social services).
So I have also taken a slightly blended approach. On that occasion I went online to Just Answer and consulted a solicitor there (they vary - depends who you get) for the fee of £36! She was absolutely brilliant and said to deal with it robustly to knock the allegations on the head and apply for a specific issues order for the holiday and Child Arrangements at the same time. Which I did. So I got my child back very quickly by means of the holiday being ordered and a CAO on the same day! The Judge took one look at my evidence (texts and emails) to see that the allegations had sprung out of her being angry with me about something and dismissed them on the spot. I got an actual solicitor last minute the night before and the two solicitors spent ages thrashing out agreement so the existing arrangements continued within a CAO. However this was one of my biggest learning experiences and why you very much need to keep your eye on the ball, give INSTRUCTIONS to solicitors and ensure things are done properly. Because I was green - I didn't know exactly what a Child Arrangements Order should say or how things were done.
So we left court having heard the Judge tear my ex off a strip, dismiss all allegations, and were told the order would be "in the post".
What arrived was a useless piece of paper that actually gave my ex sole residency! Which she didn't have before. And that was it apart from - attached to the back of it was the schedule as a list of "agreements". (I later found out at a subsequent hearing that my ex had contacted Cafcass again and they had written the order!).
We queried it with the solicitor who then wouldn't return any calls! Found out that the order wasn't actually enforceable because the arrangements were "recitals" rather than actually ordered.
Once my ex found it wasn't enforceable she prevented my son coming again - not entirely but a lot of disruption, and she was heavily alienating him.
So then followed my big case. I applied to vary the order and asked for shared care to be reinstated (as it had been before the previous order!). That was my second big mistake - through lacking confidence or information from other Dads or good solicitors, I assumed I would only get 5 nights a fortnight for shared care so that is all I asked for. One night a week extra. A new Solicitor I used ran up loads of bills - about £3,000 in two months - doing nothing much at all apart from replying to all the accusatory letters my exes solicitor sent. I had done my own application and used the solicitor for the rest, to save on costs. When it came to the first hearing she wasn't available so sent someone from another office. Who was completely useless. I would have been better off doing it on my own. Worse than useless - she was batting for the other side in the end! I had three of them trying to bully me into backing down and give my ex what she wanted (ie no order!). The Cafcass officer, my exes solicitor and then the solicitor who was supposed to be representing me. I said no. It went to final hearing with mediation ordered meanwhile. I sacked the solicitor, £3,500 worse off.
And then found a website where I got a lot of advice from Dads who had been through the system - many of whom are on here now - which is why this place is invaluable. I asked for recommendations for a Solicitor Barrister team (and had a few!). I switched to a solicitor barrister team with a fixed fee from both for the final hearing. It was then I found I could have/should have asked for 50/50. My ex got even worse and more maverick in the run up to the final hearing and I was harrassed constantly by email - the stress myself, my son and partner were under was off the scale. Massive disruption (even though she was following the interim order). But as the date got closer she became anxious she might lose and wanted to be amicable and do a consent order which her solicitor was pushing hard for (do not fall for this trick! They want you to withdraw the application and then they change their minds!). So I stuck to my guns and it went to final hearing.
Ultimately it was settled by consent (mostly) at the final hearing before it went into the Judge, via Barristers negotiating. I regret that now - I may have got both if it had gone before the Judge. My Barrister got them to agree to shared care/lives with both, but not the extra time. So it remained at four nights a fortnight and half the holidays. Of course my ex didn't want to consent and had no intention of keeping to the order.
Sorry this is not more concise - but like so many things in life - this is a system full of good and bad professionals. The Barrister was very good (although I still regret not going before the Judge and getting the extra time and having the chance of getting 50/50). The Solicitor made mistakes.
And this is where I learned my next lesson - about orders and wording. After the last experienced I took a draft order with me so the wording was clear and correct and no ambiguity. This was used to negotiate with and amended accordingly. It was then left for Solicitors to write up the order after the hearing.
What happened was - my exes solicitor refused to agree the wording. Another £1,600 of solicitors bills arguing over the wording and it was looking like I'd have to go back to court again to get the court to order the wording as agreed at the final hearing. I gave up a couple of things just to get it agreed in the end - phone calls was one. In hindsight that wouldn't have made much difference as my son is too uncomfortable to speak to me on the phone when his Mum is there.
I was back in court about 2 months later with another urgent hearing as my ex decided to move further away - prohibited steps. On this occasion I used the same barrister on a direct access basis (rather than use a solicitor again). He was aware what had happened after final hearing and made a point of ensuring everything was written up on the day and left for sealing. And that is what you want. You don't ask - you don't get.
I've had two further urgent applications - twice for holidays again (despite them being court ordered my ex intended to breach) and both times used the same direct access barrister. Fixed fee for a half day hearing. No Solicitor.
So in conclusion:
For those who can afford it, a good Solicitor Barrister team will get you good results - some work very well in teams and are used to working together - but you need recommendations and to ask around. Like most things, the very good ones are very expensive. So it depends what you're going for as to how much it's worth spending. If you were going for residency with a parental alienation case for example, you need someone very good and experienced in that field.
If it's a first application for child arrangements, then I personally would use a direct access barrister, not a solicitor. Especially if your ex has a solicitor. They will stop any dirty tricks or delays and have the ear of the Judge. And make sure nothing is missed, and more importantly - speak for you - that is their expertise - they are advocates - they know what to say and how to persuade a Judge. And Cafcass seem to be a bit more low key when they are there I've found.
You can get a good direct access barrister for about 2k for a half day hearing. And no other costs apart from the court fee. You can then decide whether to use a solicitor and barrister team for the final hearing so someone can do all the paperwork.
But my tips would be:
