Ex wife wanting to changes sons school

[HSR99]

Hi, just looking for some advice on my ex wife wanting to change my son’s school. My son currently goes to a really good school about 10 minutes walk from my house. My son is now 5 going into year 1. He is doing really well at the school, really settled and has a close group of friends.
When we divorced my partner moved about 3 mile away about 20 minutes drive in traffic away from the school. Some days due to my ex wife’s working hours my son has to go to before/after school club which I pay for. We currently do 2 weeks a month each dropping and collecting my son at school. Does she have any rights to change my sons school without my say so, just on the grounds of school distance inconvenience?

 

[Peanut 21]

What is best for your son is paramount.
If your ex has to drive a little bit further that's tough.
Kids adapt but if he enjoys his school, he's got friends there and he is doing well why change schools?
Do you have Parental responsibility?
You can apply to court with a specific issue order to argue the case of changing schools.

 

[HSR99]

Yes I have parental responsibility we was married when we had my son and my name is on the birth certificate.

 

[Peanut 21]

OK.
Has she discussed the school change with you?
Is she difficult to communicate with?
Before applying to court they will want to see you've tried to resolve the situation yourself.
You could send her an email saying how you believe it is important to keep your son at his current school because:
1) he is settled there
2) his school reports he is doing well academically
3) he has friends there
4) journeys for both parents are reasonable distances
5) he enjoys breakfast/after school clubs
6) you're happy to pay for these clubs
7) keeping school the same will help with feeling stable and safe whilst navigating his parents separation.

You can then use this as evidence if you need to go to court.

 

[HSR99]

Ok thanks for the advice. I will do this

 

[HSR99]

She is ok to communicate with when it’s going her way

 

[Peanut 21]

I think your best argument for wanting your son to remain at this school is it's a place of stability with friends, familiar teachers and somewhere safe and consistent since his parents are no longer together.
The courts are there for the children, not the parents. A 3 mile drive for your ex is no hardship.

 

[hazemaze]

If he's only been there not even a year its not going to bother him much if he changed school. He probably wont even have the same friend by the time hes 10. Parents move all the time and change their schools. It happens. Is it a major issue for you if he moves school?

 

[HSR99]

Yes it is a major issue, as the schools in my ex wife’s area are not as good a school as he goes now.

He’s been at that school since he was 3, so nearly 3 years now

 

[Ash]

I think it does make a difference after only a year. That year is important at a young age. My son was moved after his first year to a new school that was quite good but not as good as his old school. His toiletting regressed (for a long time), he was bullied and he found it really hard to fit in and make friends. I didn't know about the bullying at first and it nearly came to yet another school change, but the school dealt with it. The other kids had all had a year to bond and have friendship groups. It is really really hard being the new kid. Things didn't improve for him until there was another new kid - who he took under his wing.

I think it is very much in your son's interests to stay at his current school and if your ex won't agree with you, then yes you should submit an urgent specific issues application so the court can decide it.

As you both have PR she is not supposed to change schools without the consent of both parents. However, in reality, Mothers just do it regardless and get away with it. Hence the need maybe for an urgent specific issues application. But you do need to show you've tried to sort things out first and have evidence of that (eg texts or emails).

I would suggest sending her a brief text along the lines of

"Hi. I'm really concerned for xxxxx at changing schools after just a year when she has just settled in and may find it hard to make new friends or fit in. It would be a big change for her. I know the 20 minute walk is not ideal for you, but it is such a good school and xxxxx is happy. I am happy to keep paying for breakfast club and after school club. I really hope we can agree she stays at x school where she is happy and settled. Please let me know what you think."

That sounds child focused but not critical of your ex. It's the kind of thing you could attach as evidence to a specific issues application. Education is a big part of PR which is why specific issues orders are available for that kind of thing.

It also sounds like your arrangements are informal at the moment. How does that work? ie the schedule? Because a specific issues application is not only a grounds for an urgent (sometimes 2 days notice) hearing, it is also submitted on a C100 and you can actually ask for a Child Arrangements order on the same application. It would speed up the process a bit for a Child Arrangements order. However if things are amicable and you get good time, you may not want to rock the boat on that front and just keep it to the specific issue of the school.

The reason Mothers get away with just doing a school move unilaterally, is society's view that the Mother is the main parent (and that includes schools) unless a court order says otherwise. When there are no court orders in place (I assume there aren't?) then you are both equal. Neither has "residency". However, in practice, if a Mother behaves like the main parent, schools and others assume she is the "parent with care" and in fact the parent with the most time is usually seen as the parent with care. And that parent with care card tends to trump things with schools.

Have you discussed it with the school at all? It could be an idea to confidentially send an email to the Headteacher saying you're not in agreement with your child moving to another school and although discussions are ongoing with the other parent, you would be very grateful if they would let you know if they receive notification that the child will be leaving the school. Mark it private and confidential and addressed to the head teacher.

That way, if your ex tries to just do it without your consent, it may give you enough warning to put a specific issues application in.

 

[HSR99]

Hi, thanks for the above advice. I work offshore so I get 2 weeks off a month. So arrangements are informal but I normally have my son 10-12 days a month out of the 14 days I get off. An I take and pick up my son from school the whole 14 days I am off. Things have been amicable now until this school change has come up.

 

[Ash]

Ok. So you can kind of see her perspective then. You're away half the time so why should she have to walk to a school near where you live. I take it she doesn't drive?

I think you really need to try and keep things amicable as with a work pattern like that, you wouldn't do as well through the courts as you're doing now - possibly. Week on week off maybe, but not two weeks on two weeks off.

You might need to give way on this one as any court application can increase hostility. You're getting good time informally.

I gave way on the school change in my situation but the difference was ex was moving closer to me so the school needed to change anyway. She just chose the one nearest to where she lived and there wasn't much other option. I think if it's handled well, with a transition, it might be ok.

How bad is the one she wants to move him to? If you dig your heels in on this one, she may reduce your time with your son, then you would have to go to court. And I doubt you'd get 14 consecutive days. Or she'd just move him anyway and not much you can do then. And it create issues.

Sometimes you have to pick your battles. So having seen the above I'd just tell her you agree to the school change but think there needs to be some transition time, with your son visiting the school a few times before the move. Unless it's a really terrible one. What's the Ofsted like? Are there any other alternative schools worth considering that are closer to her?

 

[HSR99]

My ex wife drives my son to school

 

[Ash]

So when you say it's a 20 minute walk, it must be a 5 minute drive?!