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Ex-wife dictating contact

wrongembhoyo

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Hello, everyone.

I will try to keep this as brief as possible. This is in Scotland. I separated from my wife in April of this year. We have two kids, 7 and 5. I have consistently requested 50/50, but this has been denied. She opened a CMS case when we separated, told them 2 nights a week, and I pay the maintenance figure based on this.

After a couple of weeks, I asked if we could go to 3 nights per week, to which she agreed. I duly updated the CMS. She agreed because she presumed CMS use a yearly average, and that due to the first few weeks of 2 nights per week, the average over the course of the year would still fall in the '2 to 3 nights per week' range. Pretty cynical stuff.

Once she realised the figure would change in my favour, she rejected the change on their website, and now 'lets' me have both children twice a week, and one child alone once a week. Which means 2.5 overnights a week for each child over a year, while I need to pay as if only having two overnights a week. That's 52 extra overnights a year that I pay maintenance to her for. It's an insane system.

Anyway, she has now sent me a Minute of Agreement from a solicitor. Most of it I agree with in relation to the separation, but not in terms of contact. I've basically been asked to agree formally to what already exists.

My preference is 50/50. I live nearby. My employer is flexible and I already do the school drop-offs and collections on my contact days. I have a supportive family willing to do any drop-offs/collections as required. I earn over £50k a year. I am a qualified social worker, having worked for years in child protection social work, and now a full-time lecturer in the subject area of 'children and young people'. No criminal record, no addiction issues, etc. I genuinely believe that it is in the children's best interests to have shared residence, which I understand is the primary consideration in all of this.

I will of course consult a solicitor of my own now, but I am just wondering what the likelihood of shared care is based on the above?

Thank you and sorry for rambling.
 
In terms of pure hours, she provides 58.7% of care, I provide 38.4%, and my parents 2.9%.

As well as my not insignificant maintenance, she receives over £800 a month from the state on top of a 0.8FTE teacher's salary.
 
I don’t know if things are different in Scotland, and how divorce affects things. I’m sure there will be more knowledgeable members on here who can advise.

In terms of child arrangements though it sounds like there is no reason in theory why shared care can’t be achieved. Get your ducks in a row now - be ultra polite to the ex no matter how awful and unreasonable she is. Record and save all messages and try and correspond in writing rather than over the phone. Do not bring financial arrangements into the child arrangements sphere, family court are interested in the child’s welfare not how much cms you pay or how the ex is money focussed. Everything you say has to be about the best interests of your children. And be prepared for false accusations and all manner of abuse once she realises you’re serious.
 
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