Ex wants to move to Australia with the kids!

[BrianMcKenzie]

Hi all, am new here. Desperately needing advice.

I split up with my ex a year ago (we were not legally married). We have two kids, 6 year old girl, 10 Yr old boy.

The other day, my ex suddenly announced that she had found a new job in Australia and was looking to move. She ANNOUNCED it to, no discussion, no warning...nothing. I

I was totally gobsmacked. She wants me to agree to the move.

I currently see the kids on alternate weekends, and we split holidays.

I spoke to her again a couple days ago, and she said this: she has a new boyfriend (I knee about him, she has been seeing him for about 2 or 3 months). This boyfriend has found a job in Australia and she is moving with him, under his visa she said. She appears to be Desperately in love with this chap. She posts him on her socials etc, she has him as her WhatsApp picture and all that. I have phoned solicitors and they have advised me to put in an application for prohibited steps order.

My ex has no family in Aus, all her relatives are here and we are both UK nationals. I suspect she may try to leave with them secretly. Help!

 

[DB2021]

Hi all, am new here. Desperately needing advice.

I split up with my ex a year ago (we were not legally married). We have two kids, 6 year old girl, 10 Yr old boy.

The other day, my ex suddenly announced that she had found a new job in Australia and was looking to move. She ANNOUNCED it to, no discussion, no warning...nothing. I

I was totally gobsmacked. She wants me to agree to the move.

I currently see the kids on alternate weekends, and we split holidays.

I spoke to her again a couple days ago, and she said this: she has a new boyfriend (I knee about him, she has been seeing him for about 2 or 3 months). This boyfriend has found a job in Australia and she is moving with him, under his visa she said. She appears to be Desperately in love with this chap. She posts him on her socials etc, she has him as her WhatsApp picture and all that. I have phoned solicitors and they have advised me to put in an application for prohibited steps order.

My ex has no family in Aus, all her relatives are here and we are both UK nationals. I suspect she may try to leave with them secretly. Help!

Hi there, welcome to the forum.

I’m sorry that your ex has dropped this bombshell on you from nowhere.

The solicitor is correct especially if you’re worried she will just leave without telling you. Get that application in asap so you stop her moving quickly.

there is a process to this sort of thing but I’m not to clued up on it but there is dads on here that have had the same happen so try not to panic but do look at getting that application is straight away and I’m sure some of the dads will be able to advise further.

 

[DB2021]

Just to add to the above.

It would have to be a really good reason for her to leave and take your kids that far away from you for a judge to accept it especially with you having regular and consistent time with them. and being with someone for 2/3 months certainly wouldn’t be classed as a very good reason.

So you have a Child arrangement order?

Or is your time with the kids just agreed between you?

 

[BrianMcKenzie]

Just to add to the above.

It would have to be a really good reason for her to leave and take your kids that far away from you for a judge to accept it especially with you having regular and consistent time with them. and being with someone for 2/3 months certainly wouldn’t be classed as a very good reason.

So you have a Child arrangement order?

Or is your time with the kids just agreed between you?

Hi thanks for your response. No, my time with the kids is an informal arrangement that we have between us. However, I might add that she has on a number of occasions cancelled/changed our agreement without notice etc (I have WhatsApp messages as proof), I also mentioned this to the solicitor.
Ex is aware am totally against it, now she says I am unfit dad etc because I have a drink driving conviction from 2022. I drove from the park to the home with kids in the backseat. Terrible mistake, I admit that. That was 2022. Have never been I trouble since. The solicitor said my ex is clearly digging this up now to spite me, why has she never brought it up before?

 

[DB2021]

Hi thanks for your response. No, my time with the kids is an informal arrangement that we have between us. However, I might add that she has on a number of occasions cancelled/changed our agreement without notice etc (I have WhatsApp messages as proof), I also mentioned this to the solicitor.
Ex is aware am totally against it, now she says I am unfit dad etc because I have a drink driving conviction from 2022. I drove from the park to the home with kids in the backseat. Terrible mistake, I admit that. That was 2022. Have never been I trouble since. The solicitor said my ex is clearly digging this up now to spite me, why has she never brought it up before?

It’s a typical thing for an ex to do when you don’t just accept what they say or want.

They always seam to think they can do what they want hence her thinking now that she can just move to Aus with a guy she’s been with for a couple of months.

I would try and tie into court a C100 application so you can get your time with your kids in an order which gives you greater protection from her just changing things. Yes exs ignore these orders frequently but once you have one you have more power to stop the games and most exs will stop the rubbish if they know you can go back to court if they breach not all though.

We’ve all made mistakes what parent hasn’t and yes your right she is using this now because you won’t play ball typical tactic but don’t let that get you down.

I’d be careful using a solicitor to do all these things for you as they can wrack up huge bills for doing very little and also things that you can actually do yourself.

If you have funds there save them for a direct access barrister they are worth there weight in gold in court if you find a good one and they only charge a set fee which will save you so much in the long run.

A lot of the court paperwork etc you can do yourself and there’s all of us on here that can support and advise you on this.

Whilst we can never predict what a court will do id be gobsmacked if any judge allowed her to move your kids to Aus on the flimsy reason she’s using.

So focus now on getting that prohibited steps application in that’s the first step and once you have that you can relax and focus on getting a good child arrangements order.

 

[BrianMcKenzie]

It’s a typical thing for an ex to do when you don’t just accept what they say or want.

They always seam to think they can do what they want hence her thinking now that she can just move to Aus with a guy she’s been with for a couple of months.

I would try and tie into court a C100 application so you can get your time with your kids in an order which gives you greater protection from her just changing things. Yes exs ignore these orders frequently but once you have one you have more power to stop the games and most exs will stop the rubbish if they know you can go back to court if they breach not all though.

We’ve all made mistakes what parent hasn’t and yes your right she is using this now because you won’t play ball typical tactic but don’t let that get you down.

I’d be careful using a solicitor to do all these things for you as they can wrack up huge bills for doing very little and also things that you can actually do yourself.

If you have funds there save them for a direct access barrister they are worth there weight in gold in court if you find a good one and they only charge a set fee which will save you so much in the long run.

A lot of the court paperwork etc you can do yourself and there’s all of us on here that can support and advise you on this.

Whilst we can never predict what a court will do id be gobsmacked if any judge allowed her to move your kids to Aus on the flimsy reason she’s using.

So focus now on getting that prohibited steps application in that’s the first step and once you have that you can relax and focus on getting a good child arrangements order.

Yes, thank you. I had the initial 'advice appointment' today with the solicitor, cost me 200 quid. So a direct access barrister, is that a barrister who works in a Chambers or what? How does it work? I will start searching for barristers in my area but I live in a small town (Newark on Trent).

 

[Ash]

It just means you hire the barrister, who works directly with you - as opposed to working via a solicitor and not having any direct contact with you until the hearing. So you kind of cut out the middle man and just have the barrister fees. They are experts in court at hearings for advocating for you. However they don't do any of the solicitor paper work so you'd need to do that yourself. But there isn't much really - until just before the final hearing.

 

[BrianMcKenzie]

It just means you hire the barrister, who works directly with you - as opposed to working via a solicitor and not having any direct contact with you until the hearing. So you kind of cut out the middle man and just have the barrister fees. They are experts in court at hearings for advocating for you. However they don't do any of the solicitor paper work so you'd need to do that yourself. But there isn't much really - until just before the final hearing.

Thanks a lot, have already found two and submitted an enquiry. Thank you so much!

 

[DB2021]

Yes, thank you. I had the initial 'advice appointment' today with the solicitor, cost me 200 quid. So a direct access barrister, is that a barrister who works in a Chambers or what? How does it work? I will start searching for barristers in my area but I live in a small town (Newark on Trent).

Can’t add anything to what Ash said who is far more experienced in these things

 

[Dirge]

You've had some good advice, all I'd add is keep things under your hat with the ex. You don't want to give her the heads up on what you are planning. Make sure user name cannot identify you, and I wouldn't post where you live. There are some solid, stand up folks on this forum, but it is open access. Any details you need to change can be requested via the report button, (thanks to @Resolute for that info). Good luck with stressful situation you are having to deal with.

 

[BrassTacks]

Hi all, am new here. Desperately needing advice.

I split up with my ex a year ago (we were not legally married). We have two kids, 6 year old girl, 10 Yr old boy.

The other day, my ex suddenly announced that she had found a new job in Australia and was looking to move. She ANNOUNCED it to, no discussion, no warning...nothing. I

I was totally gobsmacked. She wants me to agree to the move.

I currently see the kids on alternate weekends, and we split holidays.

I spoke to her again a couple days ago, and she said this: she has a new boyfriend (I knee about him, she has been seeing him for about 2 or 3 months). This boyfriend has found a job in Australia and she is moving with him, under his visa she said. She appears to be Desperately in love with this chap. She posts him on her socials etc, she has him as her WhatsApp picture and all that. I have phoned solicitors and they have advised me to put in an application for prohibited steps order.

My ex has no family in Aus, all her relatives are here and we are both UK nationals. I suspect she may try to leave with them secretly. Help!

So sorry to hear your story.
It’s so hard to advise and predict what will happen.

You know your ex, and the children.

Remember court is like brining boxing gloves to a champagne party … expect bloody noses on both sides… but having your ex and kids disappear more than 19hrs flight away…. That’s scary.

Perhaps ask yourself first if thats really what you want.
If you really want your kids in your life and to see them grow up…. It’s worth fighting for.

But try explore all avenues first…… BUT I’d seriously consider acting quickly from the legal perspective as she could make things move FAST!

Perhaps get a view from the kids. Their wishes will be an important factor….. for your perspective their view on the new man may be helpful.

 

[BrassTacks]

On a separate note; I note most people don’t put their names… last thing you want is your ex or her solicitor to read your strategy here. Perhaps consider changing that ?

 

[BrianMcKenzie]

On a separate note; I note most people don’t put their names… last thing you want is your ex or her solicitor to read your strategy here. Perhaps consider changing that ?

Hi thanks, no its not my real name

 

[BrianMcKenzie]

So sorry to hear your story.
It’s so hard to advise and predict what will happen.

You know your ex, and the children.

Remember court is like brining boxing gloves to a champagne party … expect bloody noses on both sides… but having your ex and kids disappear more than 19hrs flight away…. That’s scary.

Perhaps ask yourself first if thats really what you want.
If you really want your kids in your life and to see them grow up…. It’s worth fighting for.

But try explore all avenues first…… BUT I’d seriously consider acting quickly from the legal perspective as she could make things move FAST!

Perhaps get a view from the kids. Their wishes will be an important factor….. for your perspective their view on the new man may be helpful.

No I will fight to the end, if the kids go to Aus, I know I will never see them again. So atleast let me fight. She has already told the kids that they will be moving to Aus, and live in a massive house with a swimming pool etc.

 

[DB2021]

No I will fight to the end, if the kids go to Aus, I know I will never see them again. So atleast let me fight. She has already told the kids that they will be moving to Aus, and live in a massive house with a swimming pool etc.

Another typical ex move to speak with the kids that way she’s trying to influence them with making it sound amazing which i no doubt believe it is living there but not at the expense of them losing a loving father.

As others have said keep your cards close to your chest and just get the application in to stop it first and foremost don’t delay with that the quicker you have that in the quicker you can take a breath and focus on getting yourself a solid child arrangements order.

Dirge makes a very good point there is some amazing dads and partners of dads on here that offer huge support and advice which will help you and guide you through this difficult time.

 

[Peanut 21]

Are you on the kids birth certificates?
Do you have parental responsibility?

Your ex sounds very impulsive. Moving 10,000 miles away with someone you've known 5 minutes is fine if you're footloose and fancy free. But not when there's children involved.

 

[BrassTacks]

No I will fight to the end, if the kids go to Aus, I know I will never see them again. So atleast let me fight. She has already told the kids that they will be moving to Aus, and live in a massive house with a swimming pool etc.

That’s not great.
The birth certificate issue brought up earlier is key.

In as much as this inappropriate sharing of information with the kids will count against her in court - the kids will likely see you as the potential obstacle to their new fairy tale adventure. They will likely become resentful towards you, which will potentially make her position stronger.
You have to get the kids on your side (potentially without badmouthing her or her new beau. Remember kids tell you want you want to hear so they may tell you they don’t want to go and that they don’t like the new man)

I’d suggest you have a clear and strong narrative to show you support your kids and show you love them and want to be in their lives.
Not sure what others believe - I’d say you shouldn’t focus on the negative aspects of your ex or new man with your kids: be your positive self the kids love… you should only share the key, legitimate and few concerns (like you’ll never see them grow up or he there for them when they need you etc.)
You only have your kids for a short time and every interaction should be positive and memorable; don’t let negativity or blame or resentment towards your ex creep in.

As she has more time with them her narrative will rule; any bad or negative things you say she will counter and have share of voice to win them over.
All you’ve got is love and support to give them.

Ultimately if she makes an application to go overseas, and her new man WAITS FOR THIS PROTRACTED PROCESS, a judge will have to consider her merits of going, and the children’s views and needs will have to be considered.

Good luck with the application.

No I will fight to the end, if the kids go to Aus, I know I will never see them again. So atleast let me fight. She has already told the kids that they will be moving to Aus, and live in a massive house with a swimming pool etc.

No I will fight to the end, if the kids go to Aus, I know I will never see them again. So atleast let me fight. She has already told the kids that they will be moving to Aus, and live in a massive house with a swimming pool etc.