Ex Telling Half Truths to Child

[StressedDad]

Hi Everyone,

Seems my ex still has issues even though I've been trying to just think positively and move on with my child the focus of positivity.

My ex has told me that my child has allegedly asked why I dont collect them from her mums - she's said she told them it's because I was abusive and hit her so it's not safe and to be careful when dad gets angry.

I fully accept I was not perfect and made mistakes and I'm in no way defending any mistakes made, but this is entirely one sided and doesnt account for the physical and mental abuse I was on the receiving end of which she hasnt told our child about.

Separate to all that, I actually dont think it's appropriate to be telling a 6 year old child that or am I overreacting? My fear is she's now trying to lay the groundwork to turn my child against me.

It also appears some photos have been getting taken down from my social media so I'm assuming they're being reported and whilst I cant prove it's her or one of her friends etc I feel it's so childish and is there anything I can do to stop this and the above?

 

[Ash]

Of course it's not appropriate. The important thing is that you just act the same around your child and if child asks any awkward questions like is it true you hit Mummy - you just say - these are matters for adults to discuss and sort out and Mummy may be mistaken.

 

[Resolute]

I have been going through the same nonsense with mine for 4 years, since the age of 5. I agree with Ash, never retaliate. With mine I have made a few points at differents times:

- People see things differently, it is normal for different people to think different things.

- While you are with me, please let me know if there is anything that makes you feel unsafe. I am here to protect you. You can tell me anything, even if you think it is not a nice thing.

- I would never say anything bad about your mum. She is one of the most important people in your life and will be forever.

- I've made Ash's point about adult conversations hundreds of times, it works. There are many things primary school children cannot do because of their age.

- I always ask permission before referring to any of the child's statement in communication with my ex

Slowly over time, it has worked. My little one knows I can be trusted. It is ok to speak freely. Negatives about my ex are not capitalised upon by me. I believe it is best to let the child realise a stark contrast between how I handle this stuff and how my ex deals with it. They pick up on what is going on behind the scenes and slowly draw their own conclusions.