Ex has stopped contact with daughter

[Ghostdad]

Hi
I am hoping someone here can help.
It is now 6 months since I last saw my daughter. For the first year of separation and divorce informal child arrangements initially worked OK, although my ex would often turn up late or change dates around at short notice and verbal abuse would ensue if I didn't accept and it was her way or the highway.

She has a new partner who lives most of the time in our old house, though my daughter I don't believe has met him. I have been honest with my daughter about my situation and she has met my new partner. My ex has taken a huge dislike to this and is claiming my daughter doesn't want to see me anymore as her reason to support her preventing my access, she is 10.

Does anyone have any advice for what steps I should take?

I have tried 3 mediation sessions before with her but it was impossible to get her to agree to anything.


Thanks

 

[Ash]

I think you need to get a C100 for a child arrangements order in as soon as possible! Before your daughter turns 11. If you explain in the wording that your ex is unhappy that you have a new partner, that should make it clear to the court what is going on. When was your last mediation? If it was fairly recently, contact the mediator and ask to be signed off. You'll need that for the C100 application. I'd ask for a 50/50 shared care order for child to live with both parents. You can always negotiate down from that later, and it might scare your ex into behaving if she thinks you might get a 50/50 order.

 

[Ghostdad]

Thanks Ash - apologied she has just turned 11, last month, she was still 10 when this started. Does that create an issue? I though 16 was the threshold. The last mediation was August last year about financial resolution, I wouldn't engage in one again due to her conduct, I have a letter from then where the mediator confirmed mediation had taken place but was not successful. Additionally I have had to have police involved at one point due to her conduct.

 

[Ash]

It's just the child's wishes are taken more seriously once they get to 11 and it might be your ex has conveniently waited till she was this age. It means your ex might pressurise your daughter to say she doesn't want to see you, but hopefully Cafcass would see through that.

 

[MagicJ]

Thanks Ash - apologied she has just turned 11, last month, she was still 10 when this started. Does that create an issue? I though 16 was the threshold. The last mediation was August last year about financial resolution, I wouldn't engage in one again due to her conduct, I have a letter from then where the mediator confirmed mediation had taken place but was not successful. Additionally I have had to have police involved at one point due to her conduct.

You'll have to attend another MIAM as what you need is the formal sign-off in order to apply for the C100.

Explain to the Mediator what hapoened as the previous sessions and impress upon them that what you need is the sign-off, it seems the EX has zero interest in working it out from what you've stated.

 

[Ash]

Thanks Ash - apologied she has just turned 11, last month, she was still 10 when this started. Does that create an issue? I though 16 was the threshold. The last mediation was August last year about financial resolution, I wouldn't engage in one again due to her conduct, I have a letter from then where the mediator confirmed mediation had taken place but was not successful. Additionally I have had to have police involved at one point due to her conduct.

Yes 16 is when they can choose where they want to live. Although technically a residency order lasts until 18 but in reality it's extremely rare for any orders to be enforced after 16.

At 11 though, the child's "wishes" are taken much more seriously. Some ex's manipulate or pressurise children into saying they only want to see you when they choose and unfortunately Cafcass don't always spot when they've been coached. If that happens you need to cross examine Cafcass at a final hearing to get their report undermined, and to argue that the child's best interests are more important than their "expressed" wishes.

I would get a MIAM sign off and C100 in asap as it could take 9 months to a year to get to a final hearing. Happy to look over your application wording.

 

[Ghostdad]

Thank you so much. I am truly grateful. I am waiting for the mediator to come back to me.

 

[Ghostdad]

Mediator has replied and said I need a new MAIM session to get sign off.

Whilst I would like to resolve through mediation I believe firmly from the behaviour I have seen in the past my ex will renege on any agreements. Am I correct jn thinking I "MUST" go through the court process to make child custody formal to the point that my ex cannot alter it without ramifications to her?

Thanks so much so far for your support. I have been distraught over this.

 

[Ash]

There are two options to formalise child arrangements in a court order.

1) Reach an agreement with the ex that can be put into a consent order. For that you would both need a solicitor - yours would draw up the order, hers would approve it and it’s then sent to court for sealing.

2) Apply to court for a child arrangements order.

The alternatives are leave it informal and try and sort things out with your ex. As that doesn’t sound possibly and 1) doesn’t sound likely then yes you would need to apply to court.

It would then be luck. A good Judge would say an 11 year old still needs both parents and a stable routine. A flakey one might go along with ex and Cafcass and say 11 year olds can decide for themselves (however there is caselaw that says it’s a burden for children to decide their own “contact “).

Also along the way there can be negotiations at court before a hearing to achieve agreement for a consent order.

You need to get another MIAM asap if you’re going to apply.

 

[Ash]

Even though it might be a long shot with an 11 year old, my view is it keeps an ex on her toes and you can keep the child coming - even if less than before - until they’re old enough to have the courage to make their own decisions. If you do nothing - the ex continues to keep the child away and say they don’t want to come and the child isn’t even asked. Child’s wishes would be heard as part of a court application and while they may be pressurised into saying what the ex wants, some may be brave enough to say they do want to see Dad. And even if they don’t, you can argue that these are just the child’s expressed wishes, not their ascertainable ones, and their best interests override that - particularly with the history of regular co parenting and time with you and they should not lose a parent at the age of 11.

 

[Ghostdad]

Hi Ash
Thanks so much for the comprehensive info.

Apologies for the stupidity on this question but when you mean "keep the ex on her toes" do you mean by getting the MAIM?

Thanks so much

 

[Ghostdad]

I am right in thinking though they although she is "breaking the law??" doing what she is doing, she is breaking "civil law" so nothing can happen and my only routes to unlock this are via option 1 or 2 in your earlier message. (As mediation is out of the question)

 

[Ash]

I meant by applying to court - to show her you're being proactive. Yes option 1 or 2

 

[Ghostdad]

Thanks again so much Ash. Whilst I am asking is there a way my parents can get access to my daughter again, as my ex is preventing them from accessing her too.

I did find something on google on grandparent custody but the more I read into it the more woolly it was.

 

[Feed100]

What about the grandparent?

 

[Ash]

Yes grandparents can apply for their own order. There was someone on here in that situation - the grandad had am order to see the child even while Dad was still prevented from seeing the child and still going through court proceedings..

 

[coggers1980]

There are two options to formalise child arrangements in a court order.

1) Reach an agreement with the ex that can be put into a consent order. For that you would both need a solicitor - yours would draw up the order, hers would approve it and it’s then sent to court for sealing.

2) Apply to court for a child arrangements order.

The alternatives are leave it informal and try and sort things out with your ex. As that doesn’t sound possibly and 1) doesn’t sound likely then yes you would need to apply to court.

It would then be luck. A good Judge would say an 11 year old still needs both parents and a stable routine. A flakey one might go along with ex and Cafcass and say 11 year olds can decide for themselves (however there is caselaw that says it’s a burden for children to decide their own “contact “).

Also along the way there can be negotiations at court before a hearing to achieve agreement for a consent order.

You need to get another MIAM asap if you’re going to apply.

Don't suppose you know what the case law is do you? Relevant to my own circs. Thanks.