Ex has contacted social services and police again

[Daneman14]

Hi all, hope everyone is doing well, was hoping I wouldn't have to turn to everyone for help again but kinda knew it was gonna happen when you've got an ex like mine. OK back story is, I am divorced with two young children of whom I have a court order saying I have my kids from Friday 5pm to Sunday 5pm every other weekend plus up to 28 days holiday. My ex is a real nasty piece of work, she has previously removed my contact for up to 6 months in the past citing neglect and the potential of me fleeing the country with the kids, which was all proved to be nonsense, I got the all clear from cafcass and had the prohibited steps order removed as it was based on her lies. She then decided to remove contact at the end of last year again because I had met someone saying I had to put my new partner through her interview process, which I took to court and again was ruled in my favour cause of her nonsense.
That leads to now, I've always paid child maintenance and in most regards have been paying it to her in advance because she has been requesting an advancement. She recently met someone, of whom I think moved in with her and the children very quickly, I think within months of meeting. I told Mt ex I can no longer lend her money (she owes me £2500) or advance any more child maintenance and she's paid up till next week, she didn't like this so she reported non payments to child maintenance services, I submitted my evidence of these payments and her requests for advances and it's being investigated. Anyway I emailed the ex saying that because I do not trust her or her word and she is a very abusive and angry person with an emotional disorder I will be wearing a body cam for the handovers for my protection.
Last week I received a random text message from her with just a police reference number, I enquired to her and received no response, I phone the police and they can't give out details only for me to contact social services and that the case is closed on the police side. I contacted social services and they said they can't say anything but they don't require me to do anything but I can email a request for details of which I have done. I emailed the ex to confirm the children will be available for me to pick up on Friday but of course no response. So I'm assuming she's made some more stuff up and that contact is going to be witheld and that I'm going to have to spend more money to go back to court, money I can't afford too. Is there a way I can make it so she can't keep doing this and to stop playing these games cause clearing it's about spite and not the best interest of the children.
Thanks again everyone

 

[Chi22]

You need to apply for a non-molestation order and to go back to court via an enforcement hearing (for non-contact) (form C79).


The question I think is, do you think your ex will ever just think of the children first or will things always be this torturous?

 

[Daneman14]

You need to apply for a non-molestation order and to go back to court via an enforcement hearing (for non-contact) (form C79).


The question I think is, do you think your ex will ever just think of the children first or will things always be this torturous?

Yeah I was thinking of the non molestation order, what do I need to be able to get one of those in place?

I think she will always be like this as this is the only way she can get to me by using the children, just when you think she can't get any worse she's steps it up a notch.

 

[Chi22]

The non-molestation order can be applied for via this form. It's a govt website. Don't v forget to apply to n wave the fees if that applies.

Apply for a non-molestation or occupation order: Form FL401

Ask the court to make an order protecting you and any relevant child from abuse or harassment by a named person, or to prevent them living in your home.

www.gov.uk

It's like to hear what the other dads think may be a way forward before I make too draconian a suggestion.

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

Yeah I was thinking of the non molestation order, what do I need to be able to get one of those in place?

I think she will always be like this as this is the only way she can get to me by using the children, just when you think she can't get any worse she's steps it up a notch.

You could always give these people a call, they will fill in your application and do a statement for free and there is no court fee for non molestation order. They helped my son do his and he has a non molestation order against his ex.

Domestic Violence & Abuse · Emergency Injunction Service

A free, fast emergency injunction service to survivors of domestic violence regardless of their financial circumstances, race, gender or sexual orientation.

www.ncdv.org.uk

 

[Ash]

Might have been better not to tell her you were going to be wearing a body cam and just do it. But I can see why you did, rather than risk being accused of being deceptive. But it was probably a red rag to a bull! With the CMS I would open a case and ask for an assessment and only pay the assessment monthly. The idea is regular monthly payments, and that's all she's entitled to. Good of you to be flexible and pay a load up front sometimes, but she clearly can't budget well so then asks for more (sounds like my teenager!).

I'd be in two minds about an NMO. I had horrendous harrassment (hate mail almost daily) for quite some time - a solicitor said there are two options. 1) Is apply for an NMO 2) Report to the Police for harrassment and ask them to do a formal warning. If it still happens after a formal warning, they can prosecute.

The NMO was seen to be the more hostile of the two actions. The Police route has more of a deterrant. However, that was for harrassment and I'm not sure your ex is actually doing anything/harrassing you is she? It's the historic things you're worried about happening again isn't it?

In the end I did neither because it was mid court proceedings and I was trying to avoid her taking things out on my son. Which is also a consideration. I was also slightly nervous at that time, that it might be seen as a hostile action by me and affect the Child Arrangements case.

I think for now I would focus on enforcement, but keep records. Getting something from social services about it on paper would be good, if you can. The good news is both social services and the Police ignored her.

 

[Scotay]

Yeah I was thinking of the non molestation order, what do I need to be able to get one of those in place?

I think she will always be like this as this is the only way she can get to me by using the children, just when you think she can't get any worse she's steps it up a notch.

If you have evidence that she is harrasing you and you have told her not to then thats all you need.
I had pages of abusive texts and emails attacking me and a new partner i met along with video evidence of late night visits to my home.

If your income level is low getting this will open up Legal Aid if required.

 

[Chi22]

Yeah I was thinking of the non molestation order, what do I need to be able to get one of those in place?

I think she will always be like this as this is the only way she can get to me by using the children, just when you think she can't get any worse she's steps it up a notch.

My problem is that all this sounds very familiar and I think you need a long term solution. Your ex likes making claims and she will keep making them. That isn't good for you or your daughter. Unfortunately, everything I can think of is a hardcore solution. What does everyone else think?

 

[Ash]

Three strikes and apply for residency?

 

[DannyK]

Three strikes and apply for residency?

I 100% agree with @Ash

 

[Chi22]

Three strikes and apply for residency?

Yes but I didn't want to say it because it seems to be my answer to everything!

The problem is, what else will work? A Contact Monitoring Order will last for only 12 months and then what, you're back in court. It simply kicks the ball down the road and could end up being nothing more than a date for your ex to work to before she obstructs again.

If you go for a transfer of residence and arrive at suspended contact it only kicks the ball down the road so you need to aim for a complete move - I doubt that even 50/50 will work.

You could ask the court to consider a S37 but that itself is a minefield and from the outset the local authority may say that the threshold has not been met.

Ultimately, whatever route you take is going to be a tough road, though that does not mean you should not take it. You should consider making the C100 application as a transfer of residence and also complete a C2 to outline the harm your daughter is undergoing. That is important for your private law proceedings and if the court considers public law proceedings it will be central to the S37.

Your case may end up taking a while. Unfortunately, English family law is predicated on the belief that parties only need to agree some central areas of concern. It does not take account of exes who simply oppose all reasonable contact.

 

[Ash]

Theoretically that should be the thing to do. I'm a bit more cynical these days and maybe it depends on the personalities. But I think there would have to have been at least three enforcements for major changes to be made and that asking for 50/50 is a safer bet (although that wouldn't preclude a change of residency - some barristers have achieved that even when it's not applied for).

Some exes see an application for change of residency as such a threat that they do really terrible things - whether it's make really serious allegations of harm against the children (which can lead to many months of investigations and not seeing the kids), or even disappearing and moving a very long distance away. And alienate the children as well.

Courts seem to prefer 50/50 as an initial solution. Then if the same things are happening, you're in a stronger position to go for residency in future - because it would no longer be a "change of residency" because you already have it. It would just be taking "shared residency"(or lives with both parents) away from the Mother.

I think 50/50 can be quite effective in that it takes some of the Mother's power away - it takes sole residency away and takes the parent with care card away from her as well. And if these things do happen two or three times, you'd have a stronger chance of getting that.

But theoretically - it really should be 3 strikes and change residency. And there was a Judge who said that a number of years ago - but it didn't improve things generally. The way things are today I think it would be a long shot.

 

[Chi22]

Yes, unfortunately a change if residence is a high hurdle.

It's a conondrum, but going for 50/50 could work.

 

[Daneman14]

Well she did it but not without playing a little game first. She messaged me that I was having the children today, all the way up till 12.30pm even saying my son has a birthday party on Sunday am I able to take him in which I said yes. Then after I had driven 1hr 15mins to the pickup location, I check my phone and received a message at 4.19pm, pickup time is 5pm, saying that she's withholding contact citing that I slander her infront of the children (I did call her a liar on the phone with my youngest playing a game in the lounge), for letting my eldest who is autistic play outside unsupervised ( I let him play on a fenced in grass decking) and other concerns, I guess too many to mention that's why she puts just other concerns. So she strung me along up till 40mins before handover.

I'm just filling out the C79 now, what sort of things do I put on the reason for Breach and do I put in any evidence like her messages? Also I want to hold her accountable for her actions and get the court fees back as this is the third time I've had to pay to go to court. I want to also change to pickup location to halfway between our places, is this all stuff that I wait till court to do or put in the initial application?

Fathers day Sunday too, no words can describe my feelings right now.

 

[Chi22]

You put in that the children were not made availble for contact (and if they not included now you make sure that the words 'make the children available for contact' are included in the Order) it's a legal pollint where enforcemt has failed before. You need to add a sentence that texts were exchanged with her indicating that handover would take place and then stopped by her at the last minute. Is this her first breach of the current order?

 

[Daneman14]

You put in that the children were not made availble for contact (and if they not included now you make sure that the words 'make the children available for contact' are included in the Order) it's a legal pollint where enforcemt has failed before. You need to add a sentence that texts were exchanged with her indicating that handover would take place and then stopped by her at the last minute. Is this her first breach of the current order?

She breached the consent order in November last year, a court order was then given in December that included the terms of the consent order and she is breaching that, so she has breached twice now.

 

[Chi22]

Have there been two occasions since December or more?

If there have been several, you state that there have been x occasions when contact did not take place and give an outline of the reasons why. You'll see on the form there is a box for the text (which you can add too) but is does not need more than half a side of A4 in length. You'll expand on what took place when at court.

 

[Ash]

Start by listing the breaches. As Chi says - if there was another one in November, list that one as well.

 

[Peanut 21]

I'm sorry you're going through this @Daneman14
In the nicest possible way I hoped we'd never hear from you again as everything had settled.
Sadly these mothers rarely let go of their resentment and issues.

 

[Fellowshipper]

I'm sorry you're going through this @Daneman14
In the nicest possible way I hoped we'd never hear from you again as everything had settled.
Sadly these mothers rarely let go of their resentment and issues.

Hi Peanut. Could you just remind in particular case did your partner initially decide to leave his ex, because of what he saw as failure in the relationship, or did it occur differently?