Evil arrangement.

[VikGal]

Hello everyone again. I've posted a few times before. I've got an update from my wife(ex to be) to my solictor regarding our arrangement for our 6 week old baby. And it's absoulelty horrible and this woman is just making life as tough as possible.

Firstly she has me blocked everywhere so I cannot contact her anywhere. I can only contact her through my solictor which costs money which she is doing on purpose I assume. ( because she did write my solictor only contact through herself is possible)

Her arrangements are like this:
90mins on Wednesdays and Saturdays between 12-3 in a child contact centre near her. I need to provide the cost. They like £70 an hour these centres. ( I work weekdays so I will be impossible) again this is on purpose.

It can only start from 1st April because of covid regulations she saying.

I need to take a drug and alcohol text 24 hours before coming in. (I don't drink and I don't take drugs) These tests are on my expense.

This is complete NUTS. WHAT life is this for a baby. I ain't abusive. This is prison.

My family haven't even seen her yet. She doesn't send a picture or video atall. She has my families number.

In that same letter she did write we can work around times to make it flexible to avoid courts and fees. But I'm willing to take this matter to court because its ridiculous. And also she had 7 days to reply to mediation which she hasn't.

Any advice guys please. Than you

 

[Ash]

My advice would be take what she's offered and simulataneously apply to court. Because they kind of expect you to take any time you can get rather than not see your child at all. Except that if it doesn't start until the 1st April then does that mean she won't let you see your child until then? And by then you could have a first hearing if you apply now. If she has a soliitor then her solicitor will be on her side and telling her the minimum a court will order is a few hours a week until the child is two (you can argue for more with various reasons).

Why does it have to be in a contact centre? You don't have to use a solicitor yourself if you want to save costs - you can reply to her solicitor directly - but I'd check your draft communications on here first. Wording etc. Because anything you put in writing can work for you (but also be used against you). You need to keep things polite, amicable, brief but formal.

So you could reply to her solicitor that as you work, daytime is not really feasible or reasonable, and you propose initially that you see your child 2 hours on Sundays and 2 hours on Wednesday tea time, with a view to progressing time. You feel there is no reason for this to be in a contact centre as you have done nothing wrong, and as you don't drink or do drugs, you fail to see the relevance of tests for this 24 hours before seeing your child. However you are willing to have the time with your child at your Mother's house initially which would also be beneficial for the child to be with other family members.

That as you are fully vaccinated (if you are) you do not feel there should be a delay until the 1st April but would be willing to do a covid test on the day and should a test be positive you would notify and postpone the visit - as you also have your child's best welfare interests at heart.

You hope the above is agreeable and a reasonable solution at this time.


All this assumes you have a Mother nearby! Maybe some other relative! Now they will probably just say no to all that, but the important thing is that you have written that courteous email that shows you feel you are perfectly safe, and that can be used as evidence for court later.

You would be surprised how much emphasis there is on email and text communications when it comes to a final hearing - sometimes it's the only evidence you have. So your communications must always be pleasant and courteous - the more nasty and stroppy hers are, the more it's in your favour (if you have any old ones from before she cut contact).

But you need to get a court application in.

 

[Mike2017]

File a C100 and get this to court, it’s abusive and controlling behaviour. Cafcass will ruin her as they are starting to see dads as equal. It will depend though if you have done anything for her behaviour to be this way but if not then you shouldn’t be subjected to it, if you file a C100 state you require an urgent hearing, there’s a tab on the firm. Unfortunately the system is slow as hell so take what you can get play get game, keep receipts and file fir costs within your c109 if sge has no reason to behave like this a judge may consider your request as it’s unreasonable behaviour. I’ve been in your shoes and you wana string them up but that’s what they want, it’s a chess match and as dads we are more scrutinised so play it clever and wait, I know it sucks but focus on what you do have and you’ll have many more discuss moments together