Just need to vent really. At the moment every single days is like an eternity, I try and keep busy but the mind just keeps coming back to the whole awful debilitating sea of crap thats life. The knot in your stomach, the weakness from anxiety and just general hoplesness and helplessness. When your older and realise no ones coming to save you its just unbearable. You try not to clock watch but you cant help it, you constantly think of the if's, buts and whys. Yeah, some of it might be by your own hand but to be treated like we are just isnt right or fair, fighting for every inch, every piece of a normal life. Sometimes I just cry because it has to come out somehow...... like now. Constantly scared, on edge and low, just waiting for night to try and get some sleep, then the vivid dreams that often reflect the situation. Its just constant
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Every days a grind
- Thread starter Oneofmany
- Start date
An accurate summary. It's a couple of months now but I was in tears daily for months. I go through periods where I think once that event is over it'll be easier but something else gets thrown up.
Although no ones coming to save you, you are now the one who's fighting to save your kids. At least that's how I see it. That's my constant motivation for keeping my head above water.
You're still on the xbox though with your son?
That's so true buddy, that how i'm trying to think. Yeah, still playing which is about the only thing that keeps my head up tbh
I could have wrote those words too, feel exactly the same.
Have you seen your GP? I went through counselling via my GP and saw someone who gave me some coping strategies for when I get panic attacks. They have helped me. Google square breathing and grounding exercises. They may help you too.
Keep fighting buddy, what other choice do we all have
Have you seen your GP? I went through counselling via my GP and saw someone who gave me some coping strategies for when I get panic attacks. They have helped me. Google square breathing and grounding exercises. They may help you too.
Keep fighting buddy, what other choice do we all have
Sorry only just seen your reply. Yeah, have been to gp, been suffering MH issues on meds etc (one of my ex's current allegations if you can call it that) currently on a waiting list of some talking therapy. Which I cant wait for, been using box breathing, grounding for a while. Trouble is the later dont take away the sadness and missing the children and repeating thoughts about how it all went wrong. But I must say writing things down really helpsI could have wrote those words too, feel exactly the same.
Have you seen your GP? I went through counselling via my GP and saw someone who gave me some coping strategies for when I get panic attacks. They have helped me. Google square breathing and grounding exercises. They may help you too.
Keep fighting buddy, what other choice do we all have
Glad you have been to your GP, hopefully you can get seen by a talking therapist soon
totally agree. Keep positive and posting. This group is so supportive and helping me to deal with it all. All the best 
At the start of my journey I didn't know what the future looked like. I didn't know how to handle this new level of grief but through it all I have grown. I would cry daily, I couldn't sleep without waking up in a panic, I would get these really bad headaches etc
One thing I decided to do was become the best version of myself for my children. I couldn't allow this to eat me up anymore and I needed to represent as a Father. I would push myself in the gym, I would take myself away between hearings for a change of scenery and a chance to process everything in a different environment.
I still have my days where I wish that I could go back and change a few things but that's living in the past, I sometimes wish I could see what the future holds but that isn't worth worrying about so I remain in the present moment and do what I can right now.
We are fathers doing what is best for our children and fighting to be in their lives. We can only be the best version of ourselves for them.
One thing I decided to do was become the best version of myself for my children. I couldn't allow this to eat me up anymore and I needed to represent as a Father. I would push myself in the gym, I would take myself away between hearings for a change of scenery and a chance to process everything in a different environment.
I still have my days where I wish that I could go back and change a few things but that's living in the past, I sometimes wish I could see what the future holds but that isn't worth worrying about so I remain in the present moment and do what I can right now.
We are fathers doing what is best for our children and fighting to be in their lives. We can only be the best version of ourselves for them.
Well put DadLad, I'm on the first paragraph 10 months (4 of not seeing my children in person) in and still seem to spend my waking hours trying to rationalise it all, but I think that's impossible when dealing with the past, mistakes made and emotions. Just gotta fight every day, then the next, then the next............. but as you know its **** hard. Am just pushing through taking in all the fantastic advice like yours i'm getting.
Thank you
I went through every emotion every single day for a long time. The emotions were very raw and I felt them deeply. I still do but my perception and understanding changed.
Im 3 years into this and believe me it does get easier if you find ways to occupy yourself instead of self punishment or staying inside with your thoughts.
Find something that uplifts you and invest your mind and energy into it.
And take each day as they come.
Hi and just read ypur original post and that is exactly what emotions I went through, I was lucky enough to get counselling via work,which helped massively, plus protected me if I had time off due to the current circumstances. The one thing I was told to do was analyse what can I control and this had a profound effect, I couldn't control the court dates, solicitors etc basically the whole court system, so within those gaps it was explained to me to treat them as like a holiday, just like now,I'm waiting for final hearing date for finances and there's nothing I can do so, I've thrown myself into work, got out more, walking is great, look after.myself by doing things to stimulate the mind and as said become the best version of yourself for yourself and kids.
Just read this post as I’ve been struggling lately too - I can totally relate to how you are feeling!
I’ve been speaking with a counsellor through my work healthcare plan, and recently took up meditation to help stay “in the present moment” through this.
My counsellor said something that really struck a chord with me - anxiety is fear of the unknown / the future, and depression is sadness about past events. When we get depressed we are stuck in the memory of what was, and the feelings that brings (sadness), and when we are anxious we are fearful of uncertainty or what might happen.
I’m learning that being present in the current moment is invaluable at helping to recognise how I’m feeling, and taking action to change it - for me it’s music, or seeing friends outside the home.
I also try and take care of myself by walking first thing In the morning before work, and going to the gym as often as my schedule allows. It’s amazing how throwing weights around can shift your mood, after all, the iron doesn’t lie!
I’ve been speaking with a counsellor through my work healthcare plan, and recently took up meditation to help stay “in the present moment” through this.
My counsellor said something that really struck a chord with me - anxiety is fear of the unknown / the future, and depression is sadness about past events. When we get depressed we are stuck in the memory of what was, and the feelings that brings (sadness), and when we are anxious we are fearful of uncertainty or what might happen.
I’m learning that being present in the current moment is invaluable at helping to recognise how I’m feeling, and taking action to change it - for me it’s music, or seeing friends outside the home.
I also try and take care of myself by walking first thing In the morning before work, and going to the gym as often as my schedule allows. It’s amazing how throwing weights around can shift your mood, after all, the iron doesn’t lie!
I too am in the same boat as so many of us. To help my MH I visit the gym regularly, sometimes in the middle of the night and I also eat healthier. I frequently go for walks hours on end mainly to pass the time. All of this definitely helps me and makes a difference.
I will soon be going back to court and my state of mind will deteriorate again with a feeling of helplessness and dread.
It has been suggested to me I seek counselling, but am concerned my ex would twist this against me and somehow show a weakness in me.
If it’s not one thing it’s another and we have to do the best we can for our children and ourselves, living with hope.
I will soon be going back to court and my state of mind will deteriorate again with a feeling of helplessness and dread.
It has been suggested to me I seek counselling, but am concerned my ex would twist this against me and somehow show a weakness in me.
If it’s not one thing it’s another and we have to do the best we can for our children and ourselves, living with hope.
Counselling is not weakness - if anything it demonstrates you have a handle on your life and want to be the best version of yourself for your kids. I don’t see any judge or court in the land allowing that to come into a decision, at least I hope not