Encouragement - 40% spends time with order

[BilalDad]

Hi guys

I just want to let you know that things can get better. It might not seem it but they can. Having had to jump through all the hoops and all the loopholes possible, all the allegations, contact centres, courses, testing etc.

A year and a bit later I now have a decent co parenting relationship and a spends time with order for 40% of the time for my son.

I know it seems tough now, I’ve been there, and I really really do know, but I check this page again from time to time knowing the support it gave me in my darkest of days.

if anyone wants a chat at all feel free to reach out.

 

[Oneofmany]

Hi mate, just read through your posts. Am glad you have got a positive result!

One question. What happened with regards to alcohol testing? Am in the same boat at present

 

[Oneofmany]

What did u end up having to do? Tia

 

[Ash]

I've just moved this to court results Congratulations Feel free to pass on any tips that helped you.

 

[Pj66]

was the sole reason given for a spends time with order, communication issues? If so, did you not consider appealing that as it does not seem like very strong grounds to not order a shared lives with, given you have significant time with the child.

 

[BilalDad]

Hi mate, just read through your posts. Am glad you have got a positive result!

One question. What happened with regards to alcohol testing? Am in the same boat at present

I was required to do a hair strand test in court

Hi mate, just read through your posts. Am glad you have got a positive result!

One question. What happened with regards to alcohol testing? Am in the same boat at present

Hey,

I was required to do a hair strand test in the case which of course came back fine. And it’s in the court order that at any time should she believe I’m drinking she can ask me to sent her alcohol tests, which she has done on several occasions (ie if I have him the day after my birthday / Christmas / any obvious drinking occasion) which are all fine also.

 

[BilalDad]

was the sole reason given for a spends time with order, communication issues? If so, did you not consider appealing that as it does not seem like very strong grounds to not order a shared lives with, given you have significant time with the child.

I haven’t so far noticed any major problems with the difference between lives with and spends time with other than the wording itself being problematic.

It was given purely because the family courts a biased system that favour mothers.

 

[Pj66]

I haven’t so far noticed any major problems with the difference between lives with and spends time with other than the wording itself being problematic.

It was given purely because the family courts a biased system that favour mothers.

and that was the reason written in the magistrates report on the decision? lol

 

[Ash]

The main differences between spends time with and lives with are

1) Lives with gives the ability to have an overseas holiday without needing consent from the ex
2) Psychological. It should make no difference whether it's lives with or spends time with (apart from 1 above), unless it's an ex who abuses her power as the resident parent.
3) A subtle one - some authorities such as school and others, take you more seriously if the order says lives with both - but essentially PR should cover you - unless the ex abuses her power as the resident parent - then if she does that's a good reason to apply for lives with both.

As regards 1, some people get a spends time with order, with a clause saying both parents can take the child abroad - so that solves that one.