Divorcing and non cooperation from partner and mediation process stopped

[Project73]

Hi all, I desperately need your advice on way forward as im currently stuck. We got married 24 years ago. Things family broke down about 6 years ago. I have applied for divorce, and she's signed. Our 20-week period will end on the 26th of March after which I can apply for conditional order.
And then I believe I would have to wait another 6 weeks for the full divorce to go through.
So, my question is, if I wait until the divorce goes through then take her to court, will that help my case as we will be fully divorced?
My wife has worked out of the mediation process, she's currently not working for over 3 years at least. She refused me buying her out. And she refused me remortgaging for reason best known to her. I'm currently paying a standard variable rate of 8.8% for the past 5 years since our fixed rate ended. This is a joint mortgage, and she refused to remove her name from the mortgage.
We have a 15-year-old son living with us under the same roof and still in school.
The offer I put on the table during the mediation was:
1. Me buy her out of the house
2. She buys me out of the house which is impossible as she's not working.
3. We remortgage, I get some money from equity, I move out and also fix the house as it's currently in a devastating state.
4. I give her some money from the equity, she gets her own place and move out, I will stand as a guarantee for her as she's out of work. she didnt accept any of this.
I want to move out but I can't afford to pay for 2 places at once.
I have been solely responsible for all the bills in the house till today. Not a penny from her for over 24 years.
Even all my son's school fees, I'm responsible for it.
The only thing she provides is food for my son.
shes currently stuck in the house, she cant mix with people and i don't know in details what her plans is regarding what she's going through.
we don't speak and she's now stuck in religion online 24/7.
I have involved both family members for over 5 years. Theyre all tired and given up.
i myself im exhausted and don't know what to do.
Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

She keeps saying she wants to move out but never does anything.

Pls advice accordingly.
Thanks

 

[Jumper85]

Hi @Project73, sorry to hear your story and struggle.

General rule of thumb is to ensure you have finalised finances and have a order from the court prior to formalising the divorce. It's fine to have started the process, the general advice is to complete the first 2 stages, not the last (I can't for the life of me remember the stage names).

Getting a divorce prior to going to court for financial remedy will not help your case.

If remediation has failed then apply to the courts for financial remedy, you will both still have plenty of opportunity to reach a settlement before a final hearing but should you not or the ex fails to engage with the process, at least you will have an end and closure in sight regardless.

Why does the ex not work? There will be an expectation from the courts and this should have been mentioned at mediation also that she is maximising her income. Your son is old enough to not need any real level of care so she will have little excuse in front of a court.

Seems you've placed many of options on the table but I can only imagine your ex is scared and likely feels vulnerable to move out, start again and survive financially on her own. I can sympathise to a certain extent but that doesn't help your cause so the best bet, if mediation has failed, is to apply for financial remedy with the courts.

The variable rate is extortionate. I would continue to push on this, there is completely no logic surrounding not taking a new mortgage deal. It's near on stupidity on her part but it sounds like everything it falling on death ears with her.

Please share more specifically as to how the group can help, we all have various experience and knowledge to share.

 

[Project73]

Hi @Project73, sorry to hear your story and struggle.

General rule of thumb is to ensure you have finalised finances and have a order from the court prior to formalising the divorce. It's fine to have started the process, the general advice is to complete the first 2 stages, not the last (I can't for the life of me remember the stage names).

Getting a divorce prior to going to court for financial remedy will not help your case.

If remediation has failed then apply to the courts for financial remedy, you will both still have plenty of opportunity to reach a settlement before a final hearing but should you not or the ex fails to engage with the process, at least you will have an end and closure in sight regardless.

Why does the ex not work? There will be an expectation from the courts and this should have been mentioned at mediation also that she is maximising her income. Your son is old enough to not need any real level of care so she will have little excuse in front of a court.

Seems you've placed many of options on the table but I can only imagine your ex is scared and likely feels vulnerable to move out, start again and survive financially on her own. I can sympathise to a certain extent but that doesn't help your cause so the best bet, if mediation has failed, is to apply for financial remedy with the courts.

The variable rate is extortionate. I would continue to push on this, there is completely no logic surrounding not taking a new mortgage deal. It's near on stupidity on her part but it sounds like everything it falling on death ears with her.

Please share more specifically as to how the group can help, we all have various experience and knowledge to share.

Thanks so much for your quick response, I appreciate it.
It's been a real rollacoaster for me for over 5 years.
My concern is if I apply to court, I would probably not get anything as she's not in employment for over 4 years. She lives on universal credit.
I think she has paranoia because she's been stuck in the house since she resigned from work about 4 years ago and I think she's on the NHS for this. I'm not 100% sure as we don't talk.
If I go to court, what options do I have based on the fact that I pray practically all the bills.
We have an equity on our 3 bed house of about 180k.
I believe we might have pension of roughly about the same as we both worked roughly the same number of years before she resigned.
Is there anything I can come up with my mortgage provider to get her to at least start paying something on the mortgage?
If I move out, can she be forced to start paying something from her benefit?
She keeps saying she wants to get her own council flat, but I don't think she can as her name is still on the deed of my house and also the mortgage.
What are my options?
Is there anything I can claim to remove her from the mortgage even though she has refused to remove her name.
What sort of outcome should I be looking at if we go to court based on her circumstances?
Thanks

 

[Nujra Rof]

WOW! Thanks for sharing, as honestly sounds like you've been through a lot.

I just wanted to say have you considered a tracker mortgage with no early repayment charges, as it would dramatically reduce the 8.8% (sorry I am a mortgage broker by trade so natural for me to pick up on that).

On a personal level, I think your sbtx sounds like my wife would be in 24 years if I stayed with her - work shy, opportunistic and does't know if shes coming or going! I would advise everything be done through courts as sounds like the only way you will be fully sure you can draw a line under it. Personally sounds like you should sell and move on rather than trying keep the property, as doesn't sound like she will play ball with that and she probably won't be able to get a mortgage...

 

[Project73]

WOW! Thanks for sharing, as honestly sounds like you've been through a lot.

I just wanted to say have you considered a tracker mortgage with no early repayment charges, as it would dramatically reduce the 8.8% (sorry I am a mortgage broker by trade so natural for me to pick up on that).

On a personal level, I think your sbtx sounds like my wife would be in 24 years if I stayed with her - work shy, opportunistic and does't know if shes coming or going! I would advise everything be done through courts as sounds like the only way you will be fully sure you can draw a line under it. Personally sounds like you should sell and move on rather than trying keep the property, as doesn't sound like she will play ball with that and she probably won't be able to get a mortgage...

Hi, thanks for your response. It definitely doesn't look like she's ready to work anymore. She's just in the house and nothing. She's been saying she wants to move out for years, but nothing. I've suggested we sell the house many times, she doesn't. Now she's saying we can sell it after my son finishes his GCSE next year, but I don't believe her. I've tried many times to remortgage or go to any other mortgage. She refused. I can't do anything as I stupidly back in the early days put her name on the mortgage. I didn't have to as everything was based on my income. I know even if her name is not on the mortgage I can't sell the house, but at least I would remortgage easily.
I'm worried if I go to court I would if not everything, almost everything as she doesn't have anything.
This country doesn't treat we men right at all.
She has never paid a penny into the mortgage. Now I would have to cough out almost all I have because she's a woman I married. Really sad.

 

[Jumper85]

Have to agree with Nujra, take it to court. Many have been through the process with fear of coming out with nothing but the courts will see it differently in that you both have needs and both need to provide for your son.

What does your son know of the situation? If he knows your divorcing, what is he likely to want to do? Live with both of you equally or preferably one parent?

We've seen your scenario many of times. To reassure you;

• There will be an expectation from the court that your wife should work/maximise her income unless her benefits outweigh doing so (but they won't if she is on stand UC)
• If she doesn't work, the courts will base their expectation that she will be on a full-time minimum wage unless she had a career beforehand. What did she do and how much did she earn? This will all be factored in, she will not look good in front of a judge by expecting equity from the house sale but then no income to live off, you're getting divorced, the courts need to look how she can remove all financial dependency on you. She needs to stand up on her own 2 feet
• I wouldn't focus too much on what the courts view will be given you're paying 100% of mortgage and bills. Your argument is simple here, you're forced to as your wife refuses to work, just because you're paying for her housing now, it doesn't mean you'll be paying for her housing in future
• You've had a long term marriage and your wife has been financially dependent on you for 4yrs, dependant on income disparity, whilst there are many different factors to consider, its likely your wife would walk with a greater proportion of the equity but you will not be left with nothing. You both have housing needs

I'd personally be immediately commencing financial remedy proceedings, pushing her to begin financial independence by going back to work and if she doesn't, I'd be clearly calling this out to the judge that she refuses to work following resigning from her job and you've been forced to cover the mortgage ever since.

 

[Project73]

Have to agree with Nujra, take it to court. Many have been through the process with fear of coming out with nothing but the courts will see it differently in that you both have needs and both need to provide for your son.

What does your son know of the situation? If he knows your divorcing, what is he likely to want to do? Live with both of you equally or preferably one parent?

We've seen your scenario many of times. To reassure you;

• There will be an expectation from the court that your wife should work/maximise her income unless her benefits outweigh doing so (but they won't if she is on stand UC)
• If she doesn't work, the courts will base their expectation that she will be on a full-time minimum wage unless she had a career beforehand. What did she do and how much did she earn? This will all be factored in, she will not look good in front of a judge by expecting equity from the house sale but then no income to live off, you're getting divorced, the courts need to look how she can remove all financial dependency on you. She needs to stand up on her own 2 feet
• I wouldn't focus too much on what the courts view will be given you're paying 100% of mortgage and bills. Your argument is simple here, you're forced to as your wife refuses to work, just because you're paying for her housing now, it doesn't mean you'll be paying for her housing in future
• You've had a long term marriage and your wife has been financially dependent on you for 4yrs, dependant on income disparity, whilst there are many different factors to consider, its likely your wife would walk with a greater proportion of the equity but you will not be left with nothing. You both have housing needs

I'd personally be immediately commencing financial remedy proceedings, pushing her to begin financial independence by going back to work and if she doesn't, I'd be clearly calling this out to the judge that she refuses to work following resigning from her job and you've been forced to cover the mortgage ever since.

Thanks a lot for your response, I sincerely appreciate it.
Regarding my son, I think he might want to go with her which I don't mind to be honest.
We recently lost my eldest son of 21 years old to diabetes just a year ago, so I haven't told my young son who's 15 that me and his mum are divorcing.
Things degenerated about 5 or 6 years ago.
My partner worked for the NHS as a nurse for at least 20 years before she resigned about 4 years ago saying she was bullied but refused to follow it up.
She's always been paranoid about people coming close to her.
She said she's seeking help with NHS when we still spoke but I can't see any changes as she's been stuck indoors for over 4 years.
I'm worried that if I go to court all will be on my head especially with her issues.

 

[Jumper85]

Thanks a lot for your response, I sincerely appreciate it.
Regarding my son, I think he might want to go with her which I don't mind to be honest.
We recently lost my eldest son of 21 years old to diabetes just a year ago, so I haven't told my young son who's 15 that me and his mum are divorcing.
Things degenerated about 5 or 6 years ago.
My partner worked for the NHS as a nurse for at least 20 years before she resigned about 4 years ago saying she was bullied but refused to follow it up.
She's always been paranoid about people coming close to her.
She said she's seeking help with NHS when we still spoke but I can't see any changes as she's been stuck indoors for over 4 years.
I'm worried that if I go to court all will be on my head especially with her issues.

You're welcome Project.

Sorry to hear of your loss, it couldn't have been easy losing a son so understandable you've shielded your son from the recent developments but at some point his wishes are going to be needed to be taken into consideration. Do you think he will want to spend 100% of his time with her or some with you? Reason I ask is this impacts your needs, if he only stays with mum, mum needs a 2 bed home, you only need a 1 bed home.

So she's had an established and qualified career then. There is no reason as to why she couldn't go back. I appreciate you will be worried as to how the courts look at her health issues but the courts won't just take her word for it, they'll request a GP report and medical diagnosis on whether she can work or not. Unless her mental health issues are severe, in most cases the GP report is likely to say she has the ability to work.

 

[Project73]

You're welcome Project.

Sorry to hear of your loss, it couldn't have been easy losing a son so understandable you've shielded your son from the recent developments but at some point his wishes are going to be needed to be taken into consideration. Do you think he will want to spend 100% of his time with her or some with you? Reason I ask is this impacts your needs, if he only stays with mum, mum needs a 2 bed home, you only need a 1 bed home.

So she's had an established and qualified career then. There is no reason as to why she couldn't go back. I appreciate you will be worried as to how the courts look at her health issues but the courts won't just take her word for it, they'll request a GP report and medical diagnosis on whether she can work or not. Unless her mental health issues are severe, in most cases the GP report is likely to say she has the ability to work.

Thanks, yes I will definitely tell him at some point. Based on his few thoughts, he would want to spend time with both of us.
He only wants to stay with his mum based on sentiment that he's the only one close to his mum as all family members, even from his mum's side has stopped calling his mum because of her irrational behaviour.
He's very much aware our house is falling apart and knows his mum is not allowing me to remortgage and get some money to fix the house. He's not happy about that.
Her suggestion which she mentioned during our mediation was that I should go for an unsecured loan to fix the house despite the fact we have equity on the property.
Her thoughts is that me taking out equity will increase how much I pay but I've tried to explain many times, and many other people that interest rate plays a large factor in all these. It's common sense. I'm paying 8.8% standard variable rate for the past 5 years since our fixed rate ended. Bank of England rate is now below 5%. I even have a mortgage in principle for 4.5%, but I can't remortgage with her name on the mortgage and she won't remove her name.
I've tried so many options. She's just not bulging

 

[Jumper85]

So sorry to hear that, it's completely irrational on her part! Interest rates on an unsecured loan would be higher than mortgage rates.

Appreciate you might have tried many approaches given you've been in this position for 5yrs but maybe her seeing the 2 options on paper on the associated costs would be the only way with the help of a mediator. I'm sorry to say but it does sound like her mental health is a contributing factor.

The sooner you push things along the better from what I hear, if she can't be rational and mediation has failed she unfortunately needs to be pushed and the only way to do this is through the courts. Purely from the passage of time I think you've been extremely patient and sadly it's been to your detriment. The sooner you act the better. I think it's clearly justifiable that you've been left with no other option. I wouldn't trust her judgment from what you've said, i.e. she will move out after your son completes his GCSE's, etc.

It's time to get your life back Project, you've spent a hell of a lot of the time looking after the woman, that's commendable but you clearly wanted a divorce for a reason, if that's the route you have taken and still wish to take, make bold steps forward. It will indirectly help you ex in the long run as from what you've said, she's incapable of helping herself and not taking help/advice from anyone around her that loves and cares for her.

 

[Project73]

So sorry to hear that, it's completely irrational on her part! Interest rates on an unsecured loan would be higher than mortgage rates.

Appreciate you might have tried many approaches given you've been in this position for 5yrs but maybe her seeing the 2 options on paper on the associated costs would be the only way with the help of a mediator. I'm sorry to say but it does sound like her mental health is a contributing factor.

The sooner you push things along the better from what I hear, if she can't be rational and mediation has failed she unfortunately needs to be pushed and the only way to do this is through the courts. Purely from the passage of time I think you've been extremely patient and sadly it's been to your detriment. The sooner you act the better. I think it's clearly justifiable that you've been left with no other option. I wouldn't trust her judgment from what you've said, i.e. she will move out after your son completes his GCSE's, etc.

It's time to get your life back Project, you've spent a hell of a lot of the time looking after the woman, that's commendable but you clearly wanted a divorce for a reason, if that's the route you have taken and still wish to take, make bold steps forward. It will indirectly help you ex in the long run as from what you've said, she's incapable of helping herself and not taking help/advice from anyone around her that loves and cares for her.

Thanks again, I have sent her so many documents in the past to prove this. I even got an estate agent to speak with her about the figures in the past. It lead to argument and the estate agent had to call the police to on me saying we have issues. The police came to my house at night and left after they couldn't find anything.
That's why I stopped having conversations with her as I don't understand her thinking.
I heard it will cost a fortune to take her to court. Any ideas how much approximately?
Unfortunately I don't have much financially, i would have moved our rather than spending money on court. I totally understand where u are coming from and agree with you, it's just tough financially.
Do u know the process the courts take and what sort of outcomes should I be looking at based on other people's experiences here.
I'm completely exhausted and just want to move ahead with my life of what is left. I'm going to be 52 next month. It's just too much for me to bear and continue. I just don't want to go to court and end up being thrown out of the house and expect me to keep paying the mortgage here and looking for ways to pay for my new place. Hence my hesitation. Thanks

 

[Jumper85]

I can cost as little or as much as you want to go to court. Engage a Solicitor, have them complete all your paperwork and have barrister representation at each appearance and your in for tens of thousands, do it all yourself and you're in for a couple of hundred pounds. I went entirely through the court process and wanted to minimise costs. I used a Solicitor purely on a telephone advice basis which cost me around £2,500. I didn't have any representation at the first 2 hearings but decided on using a direct barrister for the final hearing that was £3,600 which I thought was money well spent so all-in for the court process I spend around £6,000. Prior to this, I'd used mediation and even got to a point of drafting a settlement agreement with the ex (regardless as to whether you go to court or not, you need a solicitor to draft up an agreement for the courts to sign) which eventually we couldn't agree upon. I'd spent £2,500-£,3000 trying to avoid the court process. I'd personally wish I had just proceeded with the court process.

I'm not going to lie, the court process is a long and tiring one but I'd question what other option you have. You have an ex you're not speaking with, who's not engaging and is unnecessarily costing you money because of how irrational she's being. You're never going to get closure if you don't in my opinion from what you've told me.

Your case will always be subjective and is dependant on the judge you get. No one can tell you what your outcome is going to be. Solicitors will give you an indication but a broad brush is applied, it will never be accurate. I was told by one solicitor one thing and told by another solicitor another thing (I'd used 2 as felt the 1st wasn't cost effective but found out neither were!), they we both wrong.

I can give my opinion on your likely outcome and from my experience how the courts will view your case but it will be just that, my opinion. The only opinion that counts is the judge's, no one else. You should sought comfort from knowing that the courts are there to produce a fair outcome for both parties, you will not be left with nothing.

If it helps, what I would do is the following;

• Advise your wife that given mediation has failed and has dismissed all your options and given the associated mortgage cost you are left with no choice but to seek an independent and fair outcome with the court
• Advice you are not against attempting to resolve things amicably between yourselves in the meantime during the court process, you're entitled to do that but given nothing can be agreed between yourselves currently you don't see any other option
• I'd also call out that post divorce she can no longer be financially dependent on you (That's the whole point of obtaining a clean break/divorce so there are no financial ties) therefore she should consider her future income and the need to return to work
• Apply to the courts for financial remedy proceedings, it's a couple of hundred pounds to my memory following the above
• Complete all your own paperwork for the above, I personally don't think you need a solicitor at this point (this forum can help if you're stuck)
• Share all your detail of the case with this forum to see what experience there is that can relate to your case, you can then start to build a picture of strategy and potential outcomes
• I'm questioning whether your wife would engage in the process, therefore I'd probably propose to her that you both complete Form A. It's a financial disclosure form but also lays out what you're expectations/needs are from the divorce. I would position this that it would help you determine as to what she needs and therefore what you could give
• You've then got the ball rolling after the above. There will be plenty of time to seek more experience and advise from this forum, from a solicitor should you choose and more importantly observe your wife's reaction

Again, that's personally what I would do based on what you've shared to date but only you can decide on what steps you take. Regardless, the forum members are here to help where we can.

 

[Project73]

I can cost as little or as much as you want to go to court. Engage a Solicitor, have them complete all your paperwork and have barrister representation at each appearance and your in for tens of thousands, do it all yourself and you're in for a couple of hundred pounds. I went entirely through the court process and wanted to minimise costs. I used a Solicitor purely on a telephone advice basis which cost me around £2,500. I didn't have any representation at the first 2 hearings but decided on using a direct barrister for the final hearing that was £3,600 which I thought was money well spent so all-in for the court process I spend around £6,000. Prior to this, I'd used mediation and even got to a point of drafting a settlement agreement with the ex (regardless as to whether you go to court or not, you need a solicitor to draft up an agreement for the courts to sign) which eventually we couldn't agree upon. I'd spent £2,500-£,3000 trying to avoid the court process. I'd personally wish I had just proceeded with the court process.

I'm not going to lie, the court process is a long and tiring one but I'd question what other option you have. You have an ex you're not speaking with, who's not engaging and is unnecessarily costing you money because of how irrational she's being. You're never going to get closure if you don't in my opinion from what you've told me.

Your case will always be subjective and is dependant on the judge you get. No one can tell you what your outcome is going to be. Solicitors will give you an indication but a broad brush is applied, it will never be accurate. I was told by one solicitor one thing and told by another solicitor another thing (I'd used 2 as felt the 1st wasn't cost effective but found out neither were!), they we both wrong.

I can give my opinion on your likely outcome and from my experience how the courts will view your case but it will be just that, my opinion. The only opinion that counts is the judge's, no one else. You should sought comfort from knowing that the courts are there to produce a fair outcome for both parties, you will not be left with nothing.

If it helps, what I would do is the following;

• Advise your wife that given mediation has failed and has dismissed all your options and given the associated mortgage cost you are left with no choice but to seek an independent and fair outcome with the court
• Advice you are not against attempting to resolve things amicably between yourselves in the meantime during the court process, you're entitled to do that but given nothing can be agreed between yourselves currently you don't see any other option
• I'd also call out that post divorce she can no longer be financially dependent on you (That's the whole point of obtaining a clean break/divorce so there are no financial ties) therefore she should consider her future income and the need to return to work
• Apply to the courts for financial remedy proceedings, it's a couple of hundred pounds to my memory following the above
• Complete all your own paperwork for the above, I personally don't think you need a solicitor at this point (this forum can help if you're stuck)
• Share all your detail of the case with this forum to see what experience there is that can relate to your case, you can then start to build a picture of strategy and potential outcomes
• I'm questioning whether your wife would engage in the process, therefore I'd probably propose to her that you both complete Form A. It's a financial disclosure form but also lays out what you're expectations/needs are from the divorce. I would position this that it would help you determine as to what she needs and therefore what you could give
• You've then got the ball rolling after the above. There will be plenty of time to seek more experience and advise from this forum, from a solicitor should you choose and more importantly observe your wife's reaction

Again, that's personally what I would do based on what you've shared to date but only you can decide on what steps you take. Regardless, the forum members are here to help where we can.

Thanks so much, this is very informative and like u said my only option is to take her to court.
I have already informed her of my intentions to take her to court. Her response is I should go ahead. She doesn't care to be honest.
What's your opinion on likely outcome? I totally understand it might be completely wrong or different but just want to gauge your views.
I understand the case might drag for a long time, but as long as I won't be expected to continue to pay full mortgage on this and pay on my own apartment, I'm happy as long as I get something from the equity from equity. As long as I can afford to pay for my own new place.
Thanks

 

[Jumper85]

Ok, she doesn't care as she has no incentive to care. She won't move out, everything is paid for her. Very similar to my ex, she dragged her feet and kicked the can down the road as long as possible as it benefited her.

I could give my opinion but would need quite a bit of information in order to do so. It's your choice on whether you share it with the forum members. Alternatively, you can private message me if you want to keep some level of privacy;

Salaries - I'd need to know what your current annual salary is and what your ex currently gets in UC and what her income was as a nurse. Also, what qualifications you both hold and whether you previously worked full-time. You've also shared that your wife resigned and hasn't worked since but you're not aware of any formal diagnosis on her mental health, do correct me if I'm wrong.

Pensions - Your age (can I assume your wife is of similar the same age?_ and length of marriage is factored in here but you've already shared this along with the overall pot size but is the pot evenly split, i.e. you both have c.£90,000? If it's £10,000 or so out, it will be negligible, if it's tens of thousands, knowing this would be helpful.

Housing - Based on what you've shared, you both need a 2 bedroom home as a minimum. Staying in a reasonably commutable distance from your sons school/education (up to 3 miles) how much would a 2 bed house of apartment cost. We're looking at the bottom line here than rather something you'd each like. It's on a needs basis not a wants to begin with so how much could you get a 2 bedroom house/flat for?

Equity/Cash/Assets - You've shared your equity is £180k but do you have any other cash/savings, investments or assets (no depreciating, i.e. ignore vehicles unless you're driving a top of the range £75,000 Porsche)

Debts - What debts do you both have? Whether it's in your name or your wife's name, it doesn't matter, it will be considered marital debt but what's the total you owe across everything

I think that would be it for now. The above could draw out more questions but that's what you'd generally start with when assessing what the potential outcome could look like

 

[Project73]

Ok, she doesn't care as she has no incentive to care. She won't move out, everything is paid for her. Very similar to my ex, she dragged her feet and kicked the can down the road as long as possible as it benefited her.

I could give my opinion but would need quite a bit of information in order to do so. It's your choice on whether you share it with the forum members. Alternatively, you can private message me if you want to keep some level of privacy;

Salaries - I'd need to know what your current annual salary is and what your ex currently gets in UC and what her income was as a nurse. Also, what qualifications you both hold and whether you previously worked full-time. You've also shared that your wife resigned and hasn't worked since but you're not aware of any formal diagnosis on her mental health, do correct me if I'm wrong.

Pensions - Your age (can I assume your wife is of similar the same age?_ and length of marriage is factored in here but you've already shared this along with the overall pot size but is the pot evenly split, i.e. you both have c.£90,000? If it's £10,000 or so out, it will be negligible, if it's tens of thousands, knowing this would be helpful.

Housing - Based on what you've shared, you both need a 2 bedroom home as a minimum. Staying in a reasonably commutable distance from your sons school/education (up to 3 miles) how much would a 2 bed house of apartment cost. We're looking at the bottom line here than rather something you'd each like. It's on a needs basis not a wants to begin with so how much could you get a 2 bedroom house/flat for?

Equity/Cash/Assets - You've shared your equity is £180k but do you have any other cash/savings, investments or assets (no depreciating, i.e. ignore vehicles unless you're driving a top of the range £75,000 Porsche)

Debts - What debts do you both have? Whether it's in your name or your wife's name, it doesn't matter, it will be considered marital debt but what's the total you owe across everything

I think that would be it for now. The above could draw out more questions but that's what you'd generally start with when assessing what the potential outcome could look like

Thanks a lot, I will send you the info to you privately. Thanks.