Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum, and losing hope brought me here. I've read a lot of threads on here and I'm so close to giving up. I'd like to give a brief overview of my case and hopefully, I can get some advice, on whether there is hope or not.
My ex-wife and I separated in June 2020 based on adultery (found a guy in my bed), our life was in the midlands (I won't say where exactly just in case it reveals too much), and we agreed that I would have the children 5 days/4 nights a week (Wednesday till Sunday) so she could go and enjoy her life. I had no objection.
January 2021 she moved to her mum's house in London and I followed to be close, although couldn't afford a house in London so bought a house 30 miles away (45 minutes drive). Co-parenting was working until I met my partner and introduced my 2 children (X was 3yo and Y 2yo). The arrangement was still the same as the mother had no interest, but her behaviour was getting more difficult to deal with. X will start school in September 2022 as he will be 4, so I decided to make a CAO application in November 2021 so the children could attend a school where I live, bear in mind both children attend nursery here with me and not with their mother in London. My partner who now lives with me works at the school where both X and Y would attend in September.
In November 2021 X attended A&E because of a burn on his chest under the care of his mother, M gave 3 different versions of what happened, then goes on holiday in South America without my knowledge, she dropped the children off as usual then while abroad asking me to drop the children off to her parents, I knew she wasn't in the country because a friend told me, so I asked her if she was in the country, she wouldn't answer the question so I said that I wouldn't return the children until she was back. Long story short, I spoke to my solicitor and they said we could retain them and make an urgent application. I had already filed for a C100 form and C1A form, so we filed a C2 form. No answer from the court. M comes back and makes a cross-application with C1A form and C2 for urgent application, her application is accepted immediately and a hearing the next day in December 2021, she is at the hearing with a solicitor, a barrister, and a trainee barrister while she's hiding behind her camera because she alleges that she's a victim of domestic violence. The court made an order that the children shall live with the mother and contact with father 5 days/4 night (same as the previous arrangement), a penal notice is attached as the mother claims that I am taking the children abroad, and the passports were removed from my possession, surely if the children spent more time with me then the order should say children shall live with father and contact with mother?!? Anyways, because the children suffered harm under her care they ordered the Cafcass to do a safeguarding letter.
Fast forward a few months later the FHDRA hearing was set for 17th May 2022. In Feb 2022 I dropped the kids off, and her new boyfriend comes outside and tries to provoke me, I ignored him and went back to my car, he threw an object at me, missed then hits my car, my partner was in the car and heard it too. I called the police on my way home and explained what happened. The following week when it was her turn to drop the kids off, she appeared drunk and the children's clothes smelled of cannabis, children crying and screaming, and god knows what the mother/boyfriend had done to them. The children went to nursery the next day and said they weren't happy at their mum's house, I got this in writing. After the children settled down, they told me the boyfriend slapped them and pushed Y down the stairs, I noticed carpet burn at the back of his neck. I asked the mother what happened, once again she was abroad asking me to drop them off. Spoke to solicitors again, and I retained them as I had to protect them. We notified her solicitors and made an urgent court application, explaining that we retained them for their safety until a judge deems it safe. IT GETS WORSE!!
The mother comes outside my house with 10 people screaming for me to return the children, I called the police, and I explained to the police this is a civil matter and that the police should not try to take the children away and return them back to mother, I showed my court application asking for urgent hearing. The police asked her to go home and deal with the courts and solicitors. The following week, the same thing! she is outside my house trying to take down the fence near my front door, I called the police. She goes home and applied for a C79 application, the court give her a date in June 2022 which is 3 months away. The following week, during a video conversation with the children, she keeps telling them that the children are hers, she owns them, she gave birth to them, and she will come back again to remove them. I called 101 and told them about the threats. 2 Days later, the children, my partner and I were coming home after spending a lovely day with family, I was reversing into my driveway and my partner says wait, don't open the door, there's M's mother standing at the end of our road, as we were told by the police to call 999 immediately if we see them, we are on the phone to the police and they told us not to get out the car and drive away, we parked on a 1-way street away from our home while explaining the police what's going on, and all of a sudden we noticed my ex-wife's car parked right behind us very close and another car driving the opposite way of the 1-way street and block us from the front then another car from the left blocking us, they come out and start kicking the door, screaming, smashes my window, use a knife and attempted to smash Y's window at the back, the kids are screaming, all this while being on phone to the police, the police are telling us to find a way to get out of there and meet at the police station. There were 4-5 cars at the scene and over 18 people, she came with her whole family and friends. We met with the police and eventually, we came back to the scene where M and her boyfriend were still there, they both got arrested and held in custody and released on bail. My car was written off, they also keyed and kicked my partner's car too! When she's out she makes an urgent application and says I'm taking the children abroad.
At the hearing in March 2022, I explained what happened, she denied everything. The judge ordered that the kids are returned to the mother immediately and that I should have supervised contact with the children for 1 hour a week. She's on bail until 14th June 2022, there is a non-molestation order against her until 2023. The children have never suffered any harm under my care but have suffered many under hers, yet the court thinks it is the children's best interest to be with her? She works full time and I only work part-time to care for them. They have now been removed from the nursery and haven't attended since. They haven't been to their swimming and football lessons since. The children were undergoing mental support following the traumatic event and feared returning to their mother. Y had suffered injuries from the window they smashed and was so stressed that night we had to take him to the doctor.
Now the kids will be attending school in London and I find it hard to believe the judge will change things around. I'm losing that relationship with them. And following the FHDRA last week, my barrister managed to convince the judge to have an FFH, SECTION 7 report (after FFH), full police disclosure, full medical disclosure, and cannabis test on the mother, and PTR hearing 4 weeks before FFH, but unfortunately, nothing to change the children contact, they ordered my medical report because mother claims I have anger management issue and PTSD and everything in the world, luckily I knew she was going to make this allegation and already got a letter from my GP to confirm that I did not and do not suffer from any mental health, I do not smoke, I do not drink and I do not take any medication that could impact my mental health.
Clearly, I have been a good father to my children, been there for them, I was the primary carer, a victim of Domestic violence and abuse, and yet all this wasn't enough. I have spent over £18k on solicitors/barrister fees and now they estimated another £25k for all the 6-7 hearings remaining. Living without my 2 boys is extremely painful, I'm now suffering financially too, and it's putting a lot of pressure on my partner too. I just think maybe I should give up as I have tried everything.
Of course, this is just a brief story and there is a lot more to it. Any advice would be appreciated.
My ex-wife and I separated in June 2020 based on adultery (found a guy in my bed), our life was in the midlands (I won't say where exactly just in case it reveals too much), and we agreed that I would have the children 5 days/4 nights a week (Wednesday till Sunday) so she could go and enjoy her life. I had no objection.
January 2021 she moved to her mum's house in London and I followed to be close, although couldn't afford a house in London so bought a house 30 miles away (45 minutes drive). Co-parenting was working until I met my partner and introduced my 2 children (X was 3yo and Y 2yo). The arrangement was still the same as the mother had no interest, but her behaviour was getting more difficult to deal with. X will start school in September 2022 as he will be 4, so I decided to make a CAO application in November 2021 so the children could attend a school where I live, bear in mind both children attend nursery here with me and not with their mother in London. My partner who now lives with me works at the school where both X and Y would attend in September.
In November 2021 X attended A&E because of a burn on his chest under the care of his mother, M gave 3 different versions of what happened, then goes on holiday in South America without my knowledge, she dropped the children off as usual then while abroad asking me to drop the children off to her parents, I knew she wasn't in the country because a friend told me, so I asked her if she was in the country, she wouldn't answer the question so I said that I wouldn't return the children until she was back. Long story short, I spoke to my solicitor and they said we could retain them and make an urgent application. I had already filed for a C100 form and C1A form, so we filed a C2 form. No answer from the court. M comes back and makes a cross-application with C1A form and C2 for urgent application, her application is accepted immediately and a hearing the next day in December 2021, she is at the hearing with a solicitor, a barrister, and a trainee barrister while she's hiding behind her camera because she alleges that she's a victim of domestic violence. The court made an order that the children shall live with the mother and contact with father 5 days/4 night (same as the previous arrangement), a penal notice is attached as the mother claims that I am taking the children abroad, and the passports were removed from my possession, surely if the children spent more time with me then the order should say children shall live with father and contact with mother?!? Anyways, because the children suffered harm under her care they ordered the Cafcass to do a safeguarding letter.
Fast forward a few months later the FHDRA hearing was set for 17th May 2022. In Feb 2022 I dropped the kids off, and her new boyfriend comes outside and tries to provoke me, I ignored him and went back to my car, he threw an object at me, missed then hits my car, my partner was in the car and heard it too. I called the police on my way home and explained what happened. The following week when it was her turn to drop the kids off, she appeared drunk and the children's clothes smelled of cannabis, children crying and screaming, and god knows what the mother/boyfriend had done to them. The children went to nursery the next day and said they weren't happy at their mum's house, I got this in writing. After the children settled down, they told me the boyfriend slapped them and pushed Y down the stairs, I noticed carpet burn at the back of his neck. I asked the mother what happened, once again she was abroad asking me to drop them off. Spoke to solicitors again, and I retained them as I had to protect them. We notified her solicitors and made an urgent court application, explaining that we retained them for their safety until a judge deems it safe. IT GETS WORSE!!
The mother comes outside my house with 10 people screaming for me to return the children, I called the police, and I explained to the police this is a civil matter and that the police should not try to take the children away and return them back to mother, I showed my court application asking for urgent hearing. The police asked her to go home and deal with the courts and solicitors. The following week, the same thing! she is outside my house trying to take down the fence near my front door, I called the police. She goes home and applied for a C79 application, the court give her a date in June 2022 which is 3 months away. The following week, during a video conversation with the children, she keeps telling them that the children are hers, she owns them, she gave birth to them, and she will come back again to remove them. I called 101 and told them about the threats. 2 Days later, the children, my partner and I were coming home after spending a lovely day with family, I was reversing into my driveway and my partner says wait, don't open the door, there's M's mother standing at the end of our road, as we were told by the police to call 999 immediately if we see them, we are on the phone to the police and they told us not to get out the car and drive away, we parked on a 1-way street away from our home while explaining the police what's going on, and all of a sudden we noticed my ex-wife's car parked right behind us very close and another car driving the opposite way of the 1-way street and block us from the front then another car from the left blocking us, they come out and start kicking the door, screaming, smashes my window, use a knife and attempted to smash Y's window at the back, the kids are screaming, all this while being on phone to the police, the police are telling us to find a way to get out of there and meet at the police station. There were 4-5 cars at the scene and over 18 people, she came with her whole family and friends. We met with the police and eventually, we came back to the scene where M and her boyfriend were still there, they both got arrested and held in custody and released on bail. My car was written off, they also keyed and kicked my partner's car too! When she's out she makes an urgent application and says I'm taking the children abroad.
At the hearing in March 2022, I explained what happened, she denied everything. The judge ordered that the kids are returned to the mother immediately and that I should have supervised contact with the children for 1 hour a week. She's on bail until 14th June 2022, there is a non-molestation order against her until 2023. The children have never suffered any harm under my care but have suffered many under hers, yet the court thinks it is the children's best interest to be with her? She works full time and I only work part-time to care for them. They have now been removed from the nursery and haven't attended since. They haven't been to their swimming and football lessons since. The children were undergoing mental support following the traumatic event and feared returning to their mother. Y had suffered injuries from the window they smashed and was so stressed that night we had to take him to the doctor.
Now the kids will be attending school in London and I find it hard to believe the judge will change things around. I'm losing that relationship with them. And following the FHDRA last week, my barrister managed to convince the judge to have an FFH, SECTION 7 report (after FFH), full police disclosure, full medical disclosure, and cannabis test on the mother, and PTR hearing 4 weeks before FFH, but unfortunately, nothing to change the children contact, they ordered my medical report because mother claims I have anger management issue and PTSD and everything in the world, luckily I knew she was going to make this allegation and already got a letter from my GP to confirm that I did not and do not suffer from any mental health, I do not smoke, I do not drink and I do not take any medication that could impact my mental health.
Clearly, I have been a good father to my children, been there for them, I was the primary carer, a victim of Domestic violence and abuse, and yet all this wasn't enough. I have spent over £18k on solicitors/barrister fees and now they estimated another £25k for all the 6-7 hearings remaining. Living without my 2 boys is extremely painful, I'm now suffering financially too, and it's putting a lot of pressure on my partner too. I just think maybe I should give up as I have tried everything.
Of course, this is just a brief story and there is a lot more to it. Any advice would be appreciated.