Court Process

[37Sep]

Hi All,

I’m considering starting the court process, My Ex is extremely obstructive, and lives with her parents, her father is extremely controlling and has been emotionally abusive to my children, my 13 year old daughter was dropped to me following an argument and physical fight with her mum around 9 weeks ago and has refused to return to her grandparents property since, she won’t speak to or see her mum. I’m getting false allegations of abuse against me each time I try to get things moving forward and also allegations of bad parenting. My other daughter is only allowed to see me overnight 2 nights a week and all other contact is refused, including holidays within the uk! She is using emotional blackmail to try and get our eldest daughter to talk to her, saying she won’t discuss a school move if she won’t speak to her and also she won’t allow us to go away with my youngest if the eldest won’t speak to her, this is all documented in OFW app. My concern is applying court could backfire and my eldest may be forced to go back to her mum, which she has told me will mean she will start running away again, she ran to mine twice before she was dropped here to “calm down”
Because of my concerns around the grandparents I’m considering a lives with order for both children. I would still be suggesting access for mum at least 3 to 4 times a week but would not want the children spending time with the grandparents. I’m really after peoples opinions on how likely I am to :

1. Keep my 13 year old daughter with me (seeing mum when she is ready to consider this again)

2. Get a lives with order for both girls

3. Be able to limit grandparents access due to the nature of the way the children are spoken to by mainly their grandfather. (I have a recording in which my daughter was told she owes him everything and that she was a guest in the house she is supposed to live in)

Thanks in advance for your advice

 

[Ash]

Hi. You won't get a lives with order. Your daughter is 13 and by the time you get to a final hearing she could be 14 or nearly 15. Even at 13 the court are likely to just say she can decide for herself. Even though we know it's not that easy for them to choose when they have pressure from the other parent. How old is your other daughter? If your 13 year old is refusing to go back then maybe let your ex decide if she wants to apply to court or not. When does she turn 14? At 14 I don't think anyone could force her to go back.

2 nights a week isn't bad. Although not good that your ex won't let the child come for holidays. Sometimes though, it's about quality time rather than quantity. Depending on how old your younger one is, it can sometimes be best to just go along with things until they're a bit older and can decide for themselves.

 

[37Sep]

Hi. You won't get a lives with order. Your daughter is 13 and by the time you get to a final hearing she could be 14 or nearly 15. Even at 13 the court are likely to just say she can decide for herself. Even though we know it's not that easy for them to choose when they have pressure from the other parent. How old is your other daughter? If your 13 year old is refusing to go back then maybe let your ex decide if she wants to apply to court or not. When does she turn 14? At 14 I don't think anyone could force her to go back.

2 nights a week isn't bad. Although not good that your ex won't let the child come for holidays. Sometimes though, it's about quality time rather than quantity. Depending on how old your younger one is, it can sometimes be best to just go along with things until they're a bit older and can decide for themselves.

My youngest is 10, and my eldest turns 14 next May, unfortunately the 2 days are split and the days are such that we don’t really get quality time due to the school. In the holidays it’s a bit better but still very limited. Unfortunately my youngest is being used as a weapon and it’s taking its toll on her mentally!

What makes you say I wouldn’t get a lives with order?

Thank you for your reply.

 

[Peanut 21]

What makes you say I wouldn’t get a lives with order?

It's rare for dad's to get this unless there's solid evidence the ex and her parents are being abusive and social services escalate it to the high court.

If you went to court your eldest couldn't be forced back to her mothers.
It's good she is with you and I wouldn't rock the boat and get authorities involved.

When is your 10 year old 11?
You could potentially apply to court just for her and they will take her wishes more seriously at 11. Although her mum may pressure her to say she doesn't want to live with you.
It's awful for your youngest and I do understand your frustrations.

 

[Peanut 21]

Just thinking, could you arrange a meeting with your youngests daughters school to sort out some therapy?

 

[37Sep]

Just thinking, could you arrange a meeting with your youngests daughters school to sort out some therapy?

Thank you for your replies, I have a counsellor involved already for my eldest who is happy to get involved in the court process if needed, I’m thinking of getting him to do some counselling with my youngest aswell as he will happily write reports in relation to both children, and his recommendations Based on the sessions he has with them and the damage being done which has been his main concern so far by her farther actions and the ex’s lack of communication in relation to the girls welfare and requests so far. Unfortunately my ex father in law is vile and pulling all the strings, So it’s making it quite difficult to move forward. The strange thing is they are making allegations of coercive control with no evidence or police involvement yet they are trying to control every aspect of my life from when I can go away, what I can buy my kids for their rooms at my house and using emotion blackmail to stop my eldest moving school and also saying unless she talks to her mum she won’t be able to go away with me and her sister, obviously I can take her away in the uk with no permission as she is living with me but not with her sister so I’m not willing to do that at present!

Thanks again for the replies!