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Consent Required for Child's DA/DV Therapist?

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DannyK

Experienced member
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Hello Dads,

I recently won a 40/60, half holidays, joint "lives with order" for my 5yr old daughter.

Like many (or most, probably) Dads on this forum, I've been subjected to false allegations of DA/DV for the past 2.5 years.

My Ex is obviously not happy with the court order and so is now looking to get Social Services to unwind it.

She has arranged for our daughter's primary school to refer our daughter to Ex's Domestic Abuse / Violence Organisation for a session with a "therapeutic playworker".

This will no doubt be clearly biased to get daughter diagnosed as being a victim of (or previously exposed to) Domestic Abuse / Violence - at which point, no doubt Social Services / GP / etc, will step in and recommend the court order be unwound.

I have written to the Domestic Abuse / Violence organisation to categorically state that I do not accept any of Ex's allegations against me and (having Parental Responsibility and a joint "lives with" order) I do not consent to daughter receiving therapy.

The DA/DV Organisation wrote back to say that they don't need my consent (!) and that I would need to get a Subject Access Request from the council to find out anything else.

It seems INCREDIBLE that even though my daughter "lives with" me, that my Ex can take her to a DA/DV organisation for sessions with a "therapeutic play worker", that can be conducted without my consent - but these people are a law unto themselves..

So.

Do I charge off down this route of getting the SAR?

But..

1. It will probably be so heavily redacted as to be pointless
2. It could make me look "controlling & coercive"
3. Even with the SAR I'm not sure I could prevent this therapy taking place - and the therapy may well be happening already

What does everyone else think?

Should I get the SAR?
Should I obtain a Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) to try and stop it from happening, instead?
Should I confront the school (who I thought I had / have a good relationship with!) about the referral?

Or should I just 'leave it' as any resistance on my part will probably just be reported as "controlling & coercive" behaviour, or "too much conflict between parents"?
 
Could you have a meeting with the Headteacher and say this referral isn't appropriate - there is a new court order and you don't consent to this. Any referral needs the consent of both parents or an order of the court.

It might also be necessary to do a specific issues application possibly.
 
Thanks @Ash

Just very, very, very cautious about taking on the school after the GP reported me to social services in late 2023 just for asking for my daughter''s medical records every 6 months - saying I was being "controlling"..

In actual fact I wanted to see if my Ex was taking daughter to the GP with reports of child abuse - which she was; documenting "suspicious marks and bruises".

And is this 👇 factually accurate?
Any referral needs the consent of both parents or an order of the court.
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I am seriously thinking about going down the SIO / PSO route, but am also aware of one of our recitals in our CAO issued in Nov 2024;

The court is of the view that should this matter return to court in the near future it is likely the court will consider whether it is appropriate to make an order pursuant to section 91(14) as it is not in XXXXX's best interests for there to be frequent recurrent applications.
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Does this also apply to SIO / PSO's?

Do you think I need to message my Ex to ask about the referral, find out wether the "play therapy" has started yet, and reiterate that I have PR and I do not give Consent?
 
I think not consenting to support recommended by professionals working with the child it walking on thin ice. Might a judge ask:

Why is he worried if he's done nothing wrong?

My ex brought letters and reports from a DV charity and a DV education programme. They weren't given any weight in the end. They are not really evidence.DV orgs never test the veracity of claims their clients make.

I really understand jow infuriating this BS is and I am not sating you should do nothing. Just think carefully.
 
It maybe depends what kind of referral it is. If it is ex asking HT to refer child for DV counselling then it is totally inappropriate. It wasn't raised at court or approved at court.

If the school have decided to put in some other emotional support process then yes you might have to go along with it.

Point taken about not returning to court again too soon as well.

I'm not quite clear - was this referral done before or after your final hearing?
 
Thanks for the input chaps

Because they won't tell me anything unless I get a SAR, I'm a bit (a lot, actually) unsure on the details, but I think this is what happened;

My Ex emailed XXXXX's school in October (just before the final hearing in November) and said "I want XXXXX to join your ELSA program as she is struggling emotionally. Also, I can get XXXXX free sessions with a therapeutic play worker at my DV organisation too" - and the school, unwittingly, just went along with it and wrote back to say they would enrol XXXXX in their ELSA program and make the DV play therapy referral.

Of course what my Ex was really doing (and how I found out about this DV play therapy referral in the first place) is she entered the ELSA / DV play therapy referral email exchange with the school as an exhibit of evidence in her witness statement at the final hearing in November to suggest that XXXXX is "struggling" with the contact already in place and it shouldn't be increased.

The school have basically been manipulated into creating an email trail of evidence to serve a narrative that XXXXX is struggling with Contact with me.

Fortunately it didn't work at the Final Hearing - but Ex will no doubt be hoping that (with this ELSA and DV play therapy still in play) that once completed, she can say to Social Services / whoever that the CAO is not working and needs to be unwound - because no doubt the DV organisation therapists will diagnose XXXXX as "struggling emotionally" (or has even "exposed to DV" in the past) to serve Ex's agenda - as she is their client / "victim" / whatever.
 
The ELSA is one thing but the DV play therapy is inappropriate when your daughter isn't a victim of DV. The court found no welfare issues.

So are these two separate referrals to two separate places? The Elsa is probably ok. But both parents should be involved with any therapists or therapy. It's a "lives with both" order.

I'm not clear how or who the school referred to for the DV therapy. But it needs saying to someone. That was BEFORE a final court hearng and is now inappropriate, The court found no welfare issues and any decisions on the child needing therapy need to be agreed between parents.

So who is the DV therapy with?
 
What I find outrageous about this is, if a dad asked a school for any intervention he's likely to be ignored.
Mothers go in to a school with demands and it seems to happen.
I think Resolutes suggestion of dad/child therapy is a good idea because it would counter the mothers therapy.
 
I emailed SIDAS asking what the play therapy entailed, and that without further information they don’t have my consent - and they wrote back to say they don’t need my consent and if i want to find out anything, I need to get a SAR!
 
DannyK said:
I emailed SIDAS asking what the play therapy entailed, and that without further information they don’t have my consent - and they wrote back to say they don’t need my consent and if i want to find out anything, I need to get a SAR!
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In terms of medical/social care protocol, they are right - they do not need the consent of both parents. From my experience, the court can frown upon one parent arranging help for child. My attempt to provide therapy was not well received and resulted in next order saying decisions to be made jointly. It sounds like you do not have an order saying decisions should be joint. So, your ex can do this. Then again, so can you.

If you do arrange sessions with some kind of therapist, that may make your ex withhold. It did mine. But, isn't it what's good for the goose is good for the gander?

I would be thinking about the least worst way through here. The game is stacked against you so there is probably no perfect move available.
 
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