Coercive control/breach

[Jackdsc]

Hi lads I'm not very good at writing but I'll try keep it as short and sweet as I can.

I've been through the court process and this was the result...

Every 2 weeks supervised contact centre for 3 months (completed)
3 months supported contact in contact centre (finishes end of December)
3 months supported in community (starts January-march)
March onwards i go back to normal...
And I get him supervised with a friend and his family on boxing day for 4 hours.

For years I deemed my ex wife's behaviours as "normal" but she is literally mentally destroying me and I have never spoke up. My partner has seen enough and called the police because she's worried about me and can see what she is doing to me. So the police came and interviewed me and without even seeing all of the information/proof have told me they want to arrest her for coercive control. I told them I don't want this because I've just got my boy back and we building a bond and I don't want to jeopardise that and I don't want my son to have to go through that. This is one issue.

The next issue is she's very "anti gun" and on my last session we played with nerf guns and walkie talkies, basically has an amazing day he was so happy!! But a few things he showed concerned me that he is scared/worried of what his mum was going to say or do (he's 4 years old nearly 5) I've always said she was very very over protective of him. I raised these concerns to her and she's just ignored me. She's constantly ignoring my messages on 'Appclose' even though the courts ordered that we must communicate through it. Complete breakdown, I've been nothing but polite and friendly with her, she's happy to judge my parenting but when I raise issues she shuts down on me.

This leads me into boxing day, I'm constantly asking how we are going to arrange pick ups and drop offs but again I'm being completely ignored and if she doesn't bring him boxing day it will absolutely break my heart. And my families..

She is clearly alienating me from being a father to our boy.

I got an email from his school saying about a nativity. I asked her if he was in it, she said yes. I asked if I could come and she said no. So I rang the school and she said of course I can but mother has said no I can't. And because we have to agree things in appclose to make them legally binding. Because she said no I'm not aloud to go. I'm worried that I'm never going to be able to go and show him support in anything because she will just say no to it all...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

 

[Peanut 21]

Go to your sons nativity.
Your ex has absolutely no legal right to stop you going. She doesn't want you to go because she's worried that any other parents or teachers she's slagged you off to will see youre an alright bloke.
Contact the school again and say there's nothing in the court order to say you can't go to your sons school events. You can walk in there head held high, watch your son and then leave. Seeing you in the audience shows him how much you care.

Do you have any other hearings coming up? If so, this is when you can evidence your ex making things difficult to arrange things and she's being obstructive.

In reference to the nerf guns/walkies talkies, that's a classic father and son thing to do. She's just jealous she can't fill that role as well.

With boxing day, send a message saying "I suggest picking up son at 10am(whatever time) and dropping him back to you 4pm".
If she doesn’t reply turn up at that time and if you have one use a dash cam or your phone just to record what happens. This is just to cover your own back.

It's very difficult but be prepared to not see him on boxing day. These 'mothers' will stop at nothing.