Co parenting Apps

[Ghostdad]

Hi All
Looking for some advice here. I have recently joined a coparenting app after I advised my ex to through solicitors to try and reconnect to my daughter.

I am finding it absolutely exhausting as for my ex has become another tool to behave coercively. She has invited to suggest times to meet my daugher but declines any suggestion I make, (note every suggestion I make is around me collecting my daughter from school as I am safe there from ex). My ex instead has suggested other times involving me collecting daughter from house which I do not feel comfortable doing after incidents of domestic violence towards me in the past.

Note everything I try and contact my daughter on her phone she hangs up and doesn't reply to my texts....

Hope someone can help, or does anyone else experience this.

 

[henry23]

Hi welcome to the forum, everyone here is so helpful.
Sorry to hear about the difficulties your having. Yes there are so many here going through the same unfortunately.
Do you currently have a court order in place or have you applied for a c100 as you mentioned solicitor.

 

[Ghostdad]

Hi henry23,
I was hoping not to go through court as after a barrister meeting they advised me it really was hard to get the outcome you wanted, especially as the dad.

Her solicitor encouraged the coparent app too although it would appear my ex is, as mentioned above, is using it just as a way of causing more upset.

I've found social services useless to deal with even though there are some signs of neglect from her side.

Thanks

 

[Peanut 21]

1) I find it baffling a barrister is advising not to bother- ignore them. Do what you need to do.

2) another thing that baffles me is people advising co-parenting (the biggest oxymoron going) apps as if they'll resolve the abuser from being abusive.

My partners ex demanded using a co-parenting app. No issues with that. But she still sends raging replies and then ghosts certain messages. It doesn't change their inate behaviour.

 

[henry23]

So, if I understand correctly, you do not have a court order requiring you to see your daughter.

Unfortunately, if no court order is in place, your ex will continue to behave this way.

My ex was the same way with my son when he was younger; no calls, no seeing him, and if I did not comply with her terms, she would withhold my son from me until she wanted to go out, at which point I would be able to see him.

I had to go to court because it was the only way to maintain consistency.

I have concerns about neglect with my ex, so I went to my son's local safe guarding agency, filled out their form, expressed my concern, and attached my evidence. When it comes to this, evidence is the most important thing. My son's school even expressed concern about the lack of items in his lunchbox in junior school, and he mentioned that his mother had hit him. They saw him at home, with food in the refrigerator and a clean house, and then left.

 Can I ask why your barrister suggested it would be impossible to get your desires result? She will have to comply with the court order.

 

[Jumper85]

I wouldn't pass on the chance to see your daughter. Agree to pick from the house as you need to get time with your children but I'd strongly suggest you have a 3rd party present. I know it sounds crazy but I used to knock on next door neighbours door to let them know I was picking up the kids and whether they could just observe for both (mine and mums) safety. I obviously knew the neighbours, alternatively pick them up with a family member/friend.

 

[Ghostdad]

Hi all thanks for the responses. The Barrister's view was it was unlikely for me to get a court order in court as judges often make wrong decisions in her experience and expect it to take several hearings not just one.

Regards going to the house consider I've been divorced a year now and she still isnt releasing my personal items and those she hascshd has damaged, and when I previously collected from there she threw things at me etc. And neighbours are scared of her and this is what I'm up against....

 

[Jumper85]

@Ghostdad - you've previously suggested she wanted you to pick up the children from the house, if that's the case, despite the above, show up for your children. You don't need to rise to her behaviour, she shouldn't be letting her personal emotions get the better of her for the children's sake but that's not your probably, that's hers. Collate the evidence of agreeing pick-ups, show up so you hold your part of the bargain. If she doesn't hold hers and acts out, it's not going to look good for her. The neighbours being scared of her is only a good thing, they're witnesses to this behavious, use it to your advantage. Keep your nose clean but most importantly, show up for the children.

Best of luck, keep your head high and proud.