Christmas arrangements

[18city]

After a bit of advice please, I have just received my S7 report and although it is full of bullshit allegations the recommendations are in my favour. We are back in Court for DRA in a few weeks.

My interim order states supervised EOW Sat and Sun 10 till 6 and Christmas day from 12noon. Now this weekend is my weekend and I was fully expecting to have my children on Sat 10 till 6. The ex has turned round today and said she will be having them this Saturday as its Xmas eve and not fair as I have them on Xmas day and she considers Xmas eve to be part of the Xmas arrangements. The Order does not mention Xmas Eve and as far as I'm concerned its business as usual. Please can I have your thoughts on the situation. I will be speaking to my solicitor tomorrow as I think this is a breach and I have it in writing from her that she will not be moving on this. Thank you.

 

[Roblox]

Hi

If the order doesn't specifically mention Christmas eve I'm pretty sure you are right as it falls on your day.

I suppose the only question is it worth pushing it. Do you have them 12 to 6 Xmas day.

 

[18city]

No I have them 12 Christmas day to 12 boxing day. I know I have a good deal with that but its the only time over the two weeks that I have them. Its more about the principle and being told she will do what she wants even though there is an order in place. I just feel if I let her get away with this whilst we are still in proceedings it sets a precedent for her to continue doing what she wants. Now if I had been asked rather than been told then things might have been different and I might have been happy to split the day. She wasn't very fair stopping my time for four months.

 

[Resolute]

Your time on Christmas Day has been cut to give all of Christmas morning with her. She already has at least half of the waking hours on Christmas Day. I agree with Roblox about risk of pushing it if she is sucking up the time on Christmas day.

What do you think of letting her know that the order applies on Christmas Eve, but that you would be willing to give the kids that Saturday with her if she agrees 10-6 on New Year's Eve as make up? Alternatively, you could recognise Christmas is a special time, and offer to cut your time on Christmas Eve to less than 8 hours as a gesture of good will. Whatever happens, she was putting them to bed Christmas Eve and waking up with them Christmas Day - those are the special bits!

 

[Resolute]

No I have them 12 Christmas day to 12 boxing day. I know I have a good deal with that but its the only time over the two weeks that I have them. Its more about the principle and being told she will do what she wants even though there is an order in place. I just feel if I let her get away with this whilst we are still in proceedings it sets a precedent for her to continue doing what she wants. Now if I had been asked rather than been told then things might have been different and I might have been happy to split the day. She wasn't very fair stopping my time for four months.

Sorry, this went up while I was writing the last message.

I agree it is best not to role over entirely, but you also need not to give her an excuse to go further. I still think some way of making an exchange is the best idea. If she refuses it and carries on regardless, at least you have the start of a catalogue and "order optional" precedent is not conceded.

 

[18city]

I probably will end up letting her have it and getting it more clearly defined in the final order to alternate years. She has had the special mornings for 2 years since we separated. She has offered a swap but I haven't agreed yet as again its when it suits her and not me, she doesn't ask when I would like them, she tells me when its convenient for her. I will get my solicitors opinion tomorrow and see what she says as I don't think it should go unnoticed without at least a warning of some sort, otherwise what is the point of a Court Order.

 

[Resolute]

In that case, the counter proposal is just to vary the make up time she is offering. I'm sure the solicitor could do something along the lines of: "The approach you have taken to variation of the CAO is very disappointing. If you wish to agree a variation to the order in future, please..." Critique and warning can be in the letter accepting a version of her proposal.

 

[Ash]

I was going to suggest a swap. If she's offered one, that might be the way forwards. Technically they should be with you on the Saturday and from 12 on Christmas Day. I see no reason why she wants them earlier on the Saturday as they will be with her from 6pm on the Saturday won't they? Or did I get that wrong?

I would suggest trying to reach a compromise which could show in your favour later. Eg email her politely and just say

"If you wish to have the children with you on Saturday 24th, which under the court ordered arrangements, the children are due to spend with me - I would be willing to exchange a day, so they spend x day from x time to x time with me instead, during the Christmas holidays. Please let me know your thoughts."

This is assuming she is keeping to the 12 noon Christmas Day to 12 noon boxing day.

 

[Ash]

What would she do if you just said no? Take the time anyway? Incidentally it's only a breach after it's happened. Talking about breaching isn't the same thing. (ie intention to breach).

 

[Roblox]

Where did you end up on this one mate?

 

[18city]

Ended up swapping. My solicitor advised to do that as we are imminently proposing a final order now the S7 is in. We are hoping it will be by consent but I doubt it will be. Ex is still harping on about supervised contact despite the S7 in my favour. She did get a very strongly worded letter though.

 

[18city]

What would she do if you just said no? Take the time anyway? Incidentally it's only a breach after it's happened. Talking about breaching isn't the same thing. (ie intention to breach).

Yes she would have just taken the time, she told me in no uncertain terms.