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Child maintenence

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Equal Dads

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Hi everyone,

This is the first time writing here and I'm sure mine is a very common and boring tale, but it's one I need to get off my chest.

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 3 years in which I wasn't allowed a say in anything. We decided to move a long way from home for a better life for our children. Within 2 weeks of doing so, she left me and went to live with her mum. Since then it has been an on and off battle to be in my children's lives. First I couldnt see them, then minimally with a court order. When I formed another relationship, she wanted to come back and effectively ended that relationship. Then she used time with the children to manipulate me into doing things she wanted. When I decided to buy my first home, she decided to reduce my time with the children.

I got a 7/7 court order last month, but then she applied to the CMS. I can assure you I paid my way and more with the children, being overly generous probably. However, because I work away from home for maybe, up to 11 weeks a year, that means I have quite a significant maintenance charge. Despite having them 50% of the time for 41 weeks of the year. Maybe I'm being unrealistic, but now I can't afford to buy them many things through the year, because of those possible 11 weeks.

Sorry to bother you with these issues, they are minor compared to most.

Thank you.
 
Well, if you have to pay her maintenance then she cannot have help with anything else. When your children ask for something, tell them you cannot afford it because you have to give all your spare money to their mother.
 
Thank you and I know you're right bit I don't want to embitter the children and she priotises new cars, big house and foreign holidays over things like the children's clothes. She gets charity sacks. Minor issues, as I said, but thanks for letting me vent a little.
 
They are 8 and 6. I'm now very lucky to have a 7/7 court order and I think she'll stick to the order. She can nolonger use the kids to punish me. It's just now the punishment is financial. I knew she'd get some revenge for taking her to court and I suppose I got off lightly. Time is more important than money. Its just now I've lost the power to buy them certain things and stopping her from forcing them to do certain clubs. Clubs they hate, but she has to be seen as the amazing mum, with talented kids.
I really appreciate you just hearing this.
 
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