Child Maintenance - what's covered?

[DWD]

Hi all. My first post here. I've had a look through various websites including this one but I can't find any concrete answer to my question. Hoping someone can help or point me in the right direction.

I pay child maintenance weekly. This is arranged through child maintenance service.

My ex is now saying that as I have my child for meal times (not overnight) that I am solely responsible for providing those meals.

Now, I will obviously never allow my daughter to go without a meal however as a matter of principle I would like to show that by providing meals when my daughter is with me that I am actually going above and beyond as, the payment that I make through child maintenance meets my obligation to provide the essentials for our daughter and, that in fact it is her that is not meeting her obligations. My ex doesn't seem to grasp the fact the what I pay is only half of what's required to cover my daughter's essential needs (she should contribute the other half and is responsible for the spending of the whole amount towards her care). If I pay maintenance and buy her meals I am in effect paying twice.

She has text me to say that I do nothing for my child despite the above. I want to show that I don't have to buy the extras, but by doing so am doing more than obligated.

Is there any official guidance on what maintenance covers, what should be provided by the receiver and what should not?

 

[StayStrong]

Again, I'm at work, so only a brief answer:

CMS payments are allocated according to nights in care and nothing else. Many of us care for our children until, say, 6pm, when they are collected by the other parent. Throughout those particular days we pay for everything they need...food, heat, trips out, extra curricular activities....and then we pay the other parent for putting them to bed three hours later.

It's just the way it is. Please add some more detail about your child/children care arrangements....what percentage of yearly nights do you care for them, for eg?

Take care, SS.

 

[C&ADad]

Hi all. My first post here. I've had a look through various websites including this one but I can't find any concrete answer to my question. Hoping someone can help or point me in the right direction.

I pay child maintenance weekly. This is arranged through child maintenance service.

My ex is now saying that as I have my child for meal times (not overnight) that I am solely responsible for providing those meals.

Now, I will obviously never allow my daughter to go without a meal however as a matter of principle I would like to show that by providing meals when my daughter is with me that I am actually going above and beyond as, the payment that I make through child maintenance meets my obligation to provide the essentials for our daughter and, that in fact it is her that is not meeting her obligations. My ex doesn't seem to grasp the fact the what I pay is only half of what's required to cover my daughter's essential needs (she should contribute the other half and is responsible for the spending of the whole amount towards her care). If I pay maintenance and buy her meals I am in effect paying twice.

She has text me to say that I do nothing for my child despite the above. I want to show that I don't have to buy the extras, but by doing so am doing more than obligated.

Is there any official guidance on what maintenance covers, what should be provided by the receiver and what should not?

Hi there, welcome.

I'm struggling a bit without more detail here- but based on what you've said so far I don't think you have that much room to work in. Others may know more but I think that if your child is with you, then you pay for everything while your child is in your care, and thats that. CMS is based on living arrangements- which is where they sleep (and therefore 'live').

When you say your ex is 'now' saying that you are responsible for meals, what was happening before, was she contributing or something, or were you asking her to? I think its potentially risky territory in terms of hearings etc- if you try to say that you think you are going 'above and beyond' because you provide a meal for your daughter when she's with you, I'm not sure that would look very child-focussed. Its not so much of a leap to twist your stance into "he resents having to provide food for his own daughter"

But the devil is in the detail, every case is different, could you add a little more context & background- is this an informal arrangement/ is it court ordered/ what stage are you at etc?

Just one more thing- I always get nervous when people talk about text messages flying around- what seems to be innocuous now could pretty quickly end up being used against you in a court, I would strongly advise not to respond to things apart from about your daughter & always be formal & courteous.

 

[Ash]

The whole CM system is a disgusting mess. As Stay Strong says - you have to pay it to the "parent with care". It is calculated on a percentage of your income and the amount is reduced by the number of nights your child is with you. That reduction is supposed to allow you to pay for the child's care (including meals and anything else) when the child is with you. Don't get into arguments about this. Life is too short. Yes it's wrong - you end up paying twice basically. And your ex could still be a lot wealthier than you and you still have to pay.

The system is archaic and is intended that "absent Dads" pay the "resident Mother" for the upkeep of the child. As if it's some kind of punishment. Because the amount is reduced for the number of overnights with you, this also leads some Mums to want to reduce your time so they get more money. Which is why it's a shambles.

Try to just think of it as one of many ridiculous taxes. This one is on separated parents - the parent who has the child the most time gets the payment. The Government doesn't want to support single Mums so they make you do it - increasing the number of arguments between separated parents.

The other thing is CMS goes up and down depending on your income each year when it's assessed, which also leads to arguments - Mum gets at you because the payment has gone down (and could withold the child in retaliation). And it never gives her a clear figure to budget with.

What is better is try to amicably arrange a family based arrangement between you, if you can. And do it as part of a parenting plan so it's clear who does what and who pays for what. So for example if your assessed figure is £200 a month but some years it's £250 and some years it's £180, suggest to her that you agree a fixed figure of £230 a month for CM which includes costs of supporting child at her house including school uniform. But that any school lunches or day trips you will each pay for on your respective days. And you'll both provide for child when in your care.

It's expected it will cost you less because child is with you less but doesn't work like that does it? I used to buy a pair of shoes and clothes for when my son was here, that hardly ever got worn out (so took to selling them on on ebay). Clothes and shoes are another thing - technically she should send him with these, but sometimes they need a change of clothes or shoes. Or in my case my ex made such a stink if anything got damaged it was easier just to keep my own sets here and send him back in the things he arrived in (so they never got damaged!). And avoided having to wash them as well

Ebay is good there - you can buy a whole clothing bundle for a 7 year old for about £10. Then sell it on again for £12! I'd get a pair of trainers for him and then sell them on again when too small and get a fiver back for them usually. A bit time consuming maybe.

Assume you're talking about school lunches? That just basically comes down to what you agree. For years my ex insisted I provided the packed lunch after my overnight here, so I did. Then she went the complete opposite (apparently he liked my packed lunches better than hers and that annoyed her) - so then she started turning up at school with another packed lunch and telling him not to eat mine. It would come back uneaten and mouldy so I gave up. Don't get into lunch wars! Keep the small stuff small.

And try and keep her onside - it helps everyone in the long run. I'd just send her a text saying - that's fine, happy to do lunch when son/daughter is with me.

Then fill out a parenting plan and send it to her and ask for her agreement. There's a good one on the home page. You can edit it to take headings out or add them but it's a useful exercise to work out anything that could lead to arguments.

If you do a "family based arrangement" for CM then it's a written record of it as well. For example it could say that you will pay £200 a month CM every month (eg a few pounds less than the assessed rate) and will also provide school shoes and your ex will provide the rest of the school uniform and you'll both pay for any school days out or school lunches on your respective days. The bonus to that is its more interaction for you with your child when they ask you for things, not Mum and see you provide them.

Is it currently via CMS assessment? If so don't change that without contacting CMS first as they'll have to contact her to see if she's agreed to a family based arrangement - keep it legal.

 

[Ash]

Parenting plans for separating parents

Parenting plan for single and separated Dads applying to court for shared parenting.

www.dadswithkids.co.uk