Child maintenance/maintaining the family home

[tryingmyhardest84]

Hello all, my wife and i have been on the rocks for some time and we are going to solicitors/divorce. Still living together and it’s fairly amicable but can go south quickly. The house is in my name only, i make decent money but we have a significant amount of debt. i’ve paid off her cards and put them into loans in my name only. Stupidly.

She hasn’t worked for 18 months but recently turned down work. She seems to think she can just get me to leave the house and her solicitors wrote a letter stating this. My solicitor tells me to stay put for the meanwhile. Trying our best to stay calm for the child.

She thinks that I can move into a relatives house whilst i pay all of the bills including mortgage, school feee and seems to think this can go on for a year! our initial plan was to sell the house, split the money equally and buy our own place but i don’t think she’s in a hurry to get a job.

Our outgoings are easily about 80% of my wages! which is ridiculous. I want to sell and clear things in six months.

Anyone else experienced this? We only just get by through me earning extra money!

 

[Hobnob]

Get a different solicitor! Out of fear of losing my kids I was coerced into everything her solicitors wanted which was pretty much everything. I made so many mistakes, I even paid her fees which ran into the thousands. And the outcome was I still had to go to court for a CAO.

I don't want to upset you but you need to get the ball rolling now with a CAO and an FRO (Financial Resolution Order). Your soon to be ex will keep you on side by dangling the carrot of maintaining contact with your children. The moment she doesn't like something or you can't pay for something she will change.

You can use a solicitor to draw up the contact schedule with your children and also the financial order without going to court. Do this because WHEN she starts the game playing you will have something in writing and will find it much easier to start court proceedings.

Get a good solicitor, she is looking to fleece you financially. I can't remember the exact details now but even if the debts are in your name, if you can prove she has benefited financially she will be liable for 50% of the debt.

Also personally I would be leaving the home as soon as possible, it won't be nice for you or the kids but when things go downhill you are open to all sorts of accusations.

I'm sorry if this all seems very negative, I wish you the best and please don't be afraid to ask for help on here.

 

[Ash]

I don't think the solicitor said anything except stay put? We also advise not moving out without a Child Arrangements order in place. Can you live separately under the same roof?

 

[tryingmyhardest84]

I don't think the solicitor said anything except stay put? We also advise not moving out without a Child Arrangements order in place. Can you live separately under the same roof?

correct. I mean it’s not ideal but yes. as long as there are no dates on either side but i can’t imagine that yet.

the solicitor hasn’t said much yet. i’ve got a good one who has told me my rights and that if i leave the house it’ll be very hard to get back in, and also to avoid temporary arrangements as they can become permanent in terms of child care.

we both deeply love our child and probably want for the best. i am awaiting the second letter from her side stating custody requests. the initial draft she got was harsh to say the least so i think she’s revised it. I wonder if women often go in hot to begin with! I’m refraining from alcohol at the moment as it’s good to have a clear head and don’t want anything against me.

the thought of paying for everything and not living here is a sickener, though i want my child to have stability not at any cost!!

 

[Pj66]

Do not leave the house, change locks, withhold kids and take a non-mol out for her abusive behaviour towards you in front of your kids in your home. Homes in your name, you can kick her out all you want. File c1a claiming DV and a c100 for majority custody. Then agree to a shared split if you get the home and assets.

That's what she would do in a heartbeat if you don't give her what she wants, and this is exactly what she has said she wants.

 

[Roblox]

Yes do not leave the family home. Its a cheek of her to ask you to leave if its solely in your name. Can I check why it is just in your name.

As mentioned if you leave the home you set a precedent re the kids and results are generally far better in terms of outcomes for time with the kids if you stay put.

For the finances they look at both sides assets and liabilities and will also consider things like earning potential going forward. On the finances you want to avoid court if possible if there's something reasonable you can accept. I'm sure your solicitor will have advised you.

 

[Roblox]

Ultimately on the finances you want a 'clean break' if at all possible as this means she can't continually come after you for income and assets. Other than child maintenance and anything else agreed in the divorce.

 

[tryingmyhardest84]

Yes do not leave the family home. Its a cheek of her to ask you to leave if its solely in your name. Can I check why it is just in your name.

As mentioned if you leave the home you set a precedent re the kids and results are generally far better in terms of outcomes for time with the kids if you stay put.

For the finances they look at both sides assets and liabilities and will also consider things like earning potential going forward. On the finances you want to avoid court if possible if there's something reasonable you can accept. I'm sure your solicitor will have advised you.

I was a first time buyer so entitled to better deals

 

[Jumper85]

Completely agree, don't leave the home. Financially, I am, after 2yrs, still in the same position as your ex is suggesting you should be put in! It's not a short road at all! I eventually decided to move out, that was my own personal decision because my mental health was far more important that money but I pay for 2 houses, all the bills, etc but more importantly, I secured a 50/50 shared care arrangement with my children through the courts firstly. I would NOT move out until you get a formal arrangement in place.

Also, I wouldn't worry to much about the debts. They are marital debts regardless of who's name they're in but evidencing they clear her personal debts will show at least how they were accrued.

Be nice, play the game and keep smiling but most importantly keep things out of reach/view of the kids.

Good luck

 

[Pj66]

Yes the house is in your name and so you should not move out whatsoever, so you mr next hurdle is neutralizing any opportunity for false allegations.

The only sure fire way to do that is for her not to be in the house, but then this leaves her the opportunity to remove the kids and still claim false allegations anyway.

You need to have a c100 in for as much time as possible you can handle with the kids, in place before the allegations fly, so that when they do, it looks retaliatory at the very least.

You need to mediate to get a certificate to apply, and you do not want to tip her off as to your plans. So if you mediate, do not reveal too much information or what your wants are for the kids in terms of specifics. You can initiate mediation and keep any discussions very vague and wishy washy. Don't mention your intentions to go to court in the mediation at all. You must never let her know what's going on in your head, and always say less than is necessary.
Becuse the court won't see the contents of the mediation and the certificate is only procedure.

The moment you sign off you should have a c100 ready to go with the specifics of what you are wanting for the kids, and then put in your 5b statment in the form "in the event no agreement is reached , I request the court to xxxxx" keep the statement showing you wish to be amicable and show that your the perfect courtier. Also make sure to tick both boxes in the c100 of whom the child lives with to avoid giving residency to the mother by default.

Judging from what you have said, this will not be an amicable split of arrangements for the kids. She has said she wants the house and for you to pay mortgage and fund etc etc. this is not only ridiculous but she also wants it for the kids. She is already using your kids as leverage but just not overtly telling you she is, but you feel it don't you as you feel if you don't agree she will stop you seeing kids.

She's showed you who she is and what she is intending to do, believe her.