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Child arrangements problem

In brief, and I'm really sorry to hear this development, but you must now apply with your C100.

And.....now limit your communications to written form only. You use the word "confront"......don't go there, no verbal, just business like comms from now on ok.

SS.
 
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I didn't went to my ex house. By confronting her I mean a just write to her why she done everything behind my back just to make me life worse. Thank for your opinion. Yes I will to that soon. I think on Tuesday as now the long weekend is coming.
 
I think she cut the time in the first place, with the intention of going to CMS - she wouldn't have been able to get CM with the existing 50/50 time. As Stay Strong says - be careful - even if it's in writing or at a distance, you need to avoid any confrontation and keep any communication brief and polite (if firm). It has been known for ex's to accuse you of intimidation and get a non molestation order - which would make your court case harder.

If you have receipts of anything you've paid to her or bought for your son then you could show those to CMS. Or anything that shows your son was with you on certain days. I had my son almost half the time for about 5 years, informally and my ex did something similar - suddenly cut it (down to just at her house occasionally if it suited her) so I had to apply to court. Unbelievably she claimed in court that I had hardly ever seen him. In my case they believed my timeline history because it sounded so authentic - I was advised to list every holiday, every special day out, every trip - that kind of thing. Also school verified I picked him up three times a fortnight. She also claimed he had only ever spent Christmas with her since birth - I had evidence showing it used to be alternate years (date stamped photos from Christmas day).

Presumably you have photos you've taken of your son at various times, and they will have dates on. So tell CMS you have evidence your son was with you regularly and you paid for everything via an informal arrangement because it was 50/50 care and agreed you would buy things for him. And tell them you can prove he was with you regularly and although she has currently cut the time unilaterally, it is still 4 nights a fortnight and you're applying to court to reinstate the 50/50. They'll probably say they can't cancel it till they see an order but they might reduce it by the four nights a fortnight.

That was a nasty trick. And why it's better all payments are formalised.
 
Hello again. I was away with my son visiting my family. Tommorow I will try to get Miam and apply to court this week. I have enough of that situation. My ex still negotiate with me that she will close the case on child maintance services if a pay her 30£ weekly and have it the days she said. CMS told me to pay 45£ weekly so I don't mind pay that in the time that I apply to court and solve everything. I said to her ok so we go to solicitor and write that in paper or if you not happy then I go to Court to have it on paper. Her response was, do whatever you want so she doesn't want anything on paper. I decided to go definitely to court because Im tired of her nasty games. My son don't deserve it because money is no more important that spend time with dad and I feel really bad about it as a I never fault with anything that my son need. I don't know if I can post tommorow the c100 form here or send it privately so any of you can check if everything is fine.
 
You can post/paste it to me in a message if you want - or post it on here with names etc removed. If you can afford £45 a week then yes just pay it as the CMS have assessed it and go to court and get it reduced after you get your order.

Sounds like blackmail to me! Pay me £45 a week and if you agree to see your son less I'll reduce it to £30 a week. I know what I'd say - xxxx off! She's done her worst now, financially - she's gone to the CMS had an assessment and this is the result - perhaps not as high as she was hoping! So she can't threaten that any more.

So she won't agree to a consent order or any agreement in writing? Definitely get your MIAM done and ask to be signed off.
 
She doesn't care about any agreement. She feels that she has a power over me and my son and she will not change I know her. If she can do something bad to me she will because she doesn't want live in UK anymore and I can say that she has probably some mental problems. My son when I picked up last time told me that his mom slap him in the night because he was coming to her bed in the night. He couldn't sleep because had a cough. I didn't like that at all. Another question is can I disagree with the amount that CMS put to me. I can afford it but I will be tight because I have other expenses and they done calculation only on the nights that my son stay with me. I can't prove shared care because they need paper from court and obviously I don't have shared care at the moment because my ex cut my days. What I don't like about the CMS is that they believe what my ex says so every dad like me finish just paying because don't have any other option.
 
It's a rubbish system yes. If the based the calculation on the 4 nights you're getting at the moment then they won't change it. I would stick it out till you get your order. You can say it was shared care and even prove it but they will just go on the situation as it is now.
 
Thanks Ash. I just came back from court. All done. Now wait for couple of weeks. Thanks to this forum and to everyone who help me I could finish my application.
 
Good luck. You can time it when you decide to discuss it with your ex.
 
Hello. Just quick update on my case. I had my Cafcass call today out of blue. Apparently they forgot to send letter with day of appointment. I'm lucky because I was in home so I could attend the call. Cafcass officer was a woman which at begining make me feel a bit worried. After all she was really nice to me. We spend about 25 minutes speaking. Thanks to this forum and advises I'm only focused on my son. She only make one question to see if I will say something bad. She asked me if I think my ex wife is bad mother? My response was no, I think she is a good mother. When we finish she said she can't find any safeguard issue and next week I will receive safeguard letter. She said that she will recommend mediation to the judge. I think everything went good. Hopefully soon I get date for First Hearing. I hope this encourage other fathers from this forum and interview with Cafcass not always have to be bad experience.
 
Well done :) . Hard isn't it when they say "do you think your ex is a bad Mother?" - when you do! It's like lulling you into complaining about her. But this is about safeguarding and you have no evidence she is a bad Mother, so it was the correct reply and now it will go straight to a first hearing with no welfare issues. Before that you'll get the Cafcass letter report. These are often worded in a way that annoys people - the way Cafcass interprets what you said. Which is why it's good you just said she's a good Mother. They can't really twist that. You might find your ex has said nasty stuff about you to cafcass, but take a breath when you read it. It doesn't matter - Cafcass said no welfare issues.
 
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