Child abduction Hague convention

[samfoster]

Hi all,
Please can you help, I am new to the forum and I am currently going through the Hague convention to get our daughter back home to England.
I have received a child assessment form from the country that she is currently wrongfully retained and I have phoned the central Authorities, child support, REMO, lawyers, MP and yet no one can give me a clear direction of what to do with the child support form from the abduction country?
I do not want to support or be in asquience of my Hague convention proceedings as I have never and will never agree to our daughter been over seas in the foreign country.
I am happy to pay child support when she returns home to England. Has anyone been through this before? What did you do?

Also I am struggling with video calls as I 2 to 3 a week and my ex-wife is controlling the calls and hangs up any time I mention home as video call her in our daughters bedroom with all her toys books etc. How does anyone else cope with this?

Thanks for you help

 

[Resolute]

I do not have shared experience with removing from the UK, but I do have shared experience with the video calls. My daughter was wrongfully withheld, I had nothing but video calls for just over a month. I found it really useful to sing together, read stories, engage in structured play, create connection and make it an enjoyable time the kid looks forwards to having with you.

The branch of Families Need Fathers I was involved with had lots of experience on Hague Convention stuff, I've not read much relating to it on this forum.

Some questions to clarify the situation you are in:

How old is the child?

Do you have a court order in place?

Is it a final order?

How long have they been out of UK?

What was the arrangement prior to them leaving UK?

Oh, another thing, I very carefully avoided writing anything that gave an impression that I was in agreement with the situation. Kept on telling her I expect my daughter to be made available to me as ordered.

My heart goes out to you.

In solidarity.

 

[samfoster]

Hi all,
Please can you help, I am new to the forum and I am currently going through the Hague convention to get our daughter back home to England.
I have received a child assessment form from the country that she is currently wrongfully retained and I have phoned the central Authorities, child support, REMO, lawyers, MP and yet no one can give me a clear direction of what to do with the child support form from the abduction country?
I do not want to support or be in asquience of my Hague convention proceedings as I have never and will never agree to our daughter been over seas in the foreign country.
I am happy to pay child support when she returns home to England. Has anyone been through this before? What did you do?

Also I am struggling with video calls as I 2 to 3 a week and my ex-wife is controlling the calls and hangs up any time I mention home as video call her in our daughters bedroom with all her toys books etc. How does anyone else cope with this?

Thanks for you help

Hi thanks for the reply, I appreciate it.
Hague is underway, i have bee dealing with this horrendous situation for 6 months.

I do not have shared experience with removing from the UK, but I do have shared experience with the video calls. My daughter was wrongfully withheld, I had nothing but video calls for just over a month. I found it really useful to sing together, read stories, engage in structured play, create connection and make it an enjoyable time the kid looks forwards to having with you.

The branch of Families Need Fathers I was involved with had lots of experience on Hague Convention stuff, I've not read much relating to it on this forum.

Some questions to clarify the situation you are in:

How old is the child?

Do you have a court order in place?

Is it a final order?

How long have they been out of UK?

What was the arrangement prior to them leaving UK?

Oh, another thing, I very carefully avoided writing anything that gave an impression that I was in agreement with the situation. Kept on telling her I expect my daughter to be made available to me as ordered.

My heart goes out to you.

In solidarity.

Hi thanks for the reply, I appreciate it.
Hague initiating application has been served, i have bee dealing with this horrendous situation for 6 months, she is 3.5 years old.

I have been constantly telling my ex that I have never agreed or consented to any of it.

I struggle with the constant control on video calls and the trauma my separated wife is doing to me and our daughter, along with her family.

I do not wish this on anyone.

Thanks again for your response

 

[Resolute]

Hi thanks for the reply, I appreciate it.
Hague is underway, i have bee dealing with this horrendous situation for 6 months.

Hi thanks for the reply, I appreciate it.
Hague initiating application has been served, i have bee dealing with this horrendous situation for 6 months, she is 3.5 years old.

I have been constantly telling my ex that I have never agreed or consented to any of it.

I struggle with the constant control on video calls and the trauma my separated wife is doing to me and our daughter, along with her family.

I do not wish this on anyone.

Thanks again for your response

I will not for a moment understate how hard this is. I still feel sick in my stomach at the start of every video call, and I am seeing my daughter regularly. The reason I suggest songs, structured play, and stories is they are things any dad would be doing with a child that age. Repetition is really important for young children and your bond will be protected by the calls feeling like a safe place for the child. It is also really difficult for mum to object to fairy tales and games, let her try cutting the call off in the middle of a story that is bringing delight to the child.

There are box sets of classic fairy tales that are quite cheap - Rapunzel, Ginger Bread Man, Billy Goats Gruff... Could you get a set for you and send an identical set to your daughter? She could choose the one she wants you to read, you would both be touching the same book. At the moment your ex is objecting to you speaking about England as home, she might get away with this because it could be dressed up as pulling the child into your conflict with mum. Let her object to you just doing nice things that keep up your role as a loving father.

The only way to get through this is to keep reminding yourself it is not about you, it is about your daughter. You can outwit mum by wriggling around her approach to make it her that has to "suck it up."

 

[samfoster]

Thanks for the suggestions and mental health help, I appreciate it. I can't send anything to my daughter as it will be seen as asquience to my Hague convention case. This is such a strain on my mental health, I have been reading books at times that are the same in occasions as she has and internaxting with her as best I can. But ultimately the call is hard with a 3.5year old and she just runs around or does other things.

I shall try my best on the video calls I am only human and it's very hard when you have been duped by your own wife and then they place family court orders against you in the foreign country that you are over having a holiday for.

 

[Resolute]

You are entitled to find this hard, nobody with a heart could say it isn't.

You do have to look after yourself as well: there are helplines, let stuff out on here, speak to your GP, go to a counsellor.

A three year old is not going to sit and have a conversation with you for an hour. You can ask her to let you see what she is doing and let her do other things when she feels the urge. Let her take the lead and be very patient with her. If you can make it something you are both doing that will really help. I have to keep reminding myself the only option is to make time I have work. If you can do that, there is room for things to improve.

The feeling of betrayal will take a long time to settle, maybe it won't, mine has not yet. I just try to find ways of working around. If we stay in the picture and keep a good relationship with the kid/children through whatever happens, the other parent will lose their power in the end.

I do not claim to be an expert, just sharing stuff that has helped me.

 

[Ash]

Great advice about how to handle the video calls. It's hard to hide your feelings, but I think being entertaining is a good start and a help to keeping up the bond. Assume you're using a lawyer re the Hague convention situation?

 

[samfoster]

I have used an english hague lawyer to help me produce the affidavits, it's now been handled by the foreign country's central Authorities,I've just been notified that they have filed the initiating application in court and also sent it to my ex-wife. I am waiting for another update with times lines of events etc. I have everything crossed for our daughter to come home to England.