Change of child's surname

[Smiler75]

I joined here a few months back to help gain an insight into what happens through the whole CAO process and CAFCASS etc and the threads and info on here have been invaluable, thanks so much to everyone..!

It's actually my son who is going through a very messy, horrible separation from his ex, they are both quite young, were only together altogether for just over a year and split when their child was only ~6 weeks old

He applied for the CAO after she accused him of harassment, stalking and she subsequently had a "harassment" order lodged with the police - he had on a single day not been able to contact her by any means, FB messenger, text, phone call, SnapChat or whatever they use.. to see if if could arrange contact with the child.. Since joining the forum I've realised that this is such a common thing..! It was so stressful and emotional at the time..

She also a week later raised a non-molestation order against him.. Who knew that someone could literally logon to a website and raise a non-mol with no proof, evidence or anything factual and the "authorities" would simply have to comply to ensure the safety of the child, just in case any of the allegations possibly could be true.. Of course I realise they have to do this, but there surely must be another way to deal with such serious allegations from a jilted and spiteful ex..?!

He had already tried to be amicable and go through the official mediation process and it was at the point that she accused him of DA..

Anyway, they are now at the court stage they had the first FHDRA a couple of weeks ago and her side pointed out two points to the court before they were finalising for the day.. 1. she want's to take the child on holiday later this year - this is fine, he is not of the impression that she will be a flight risk and not return, he want's to be as amicable as possible (even though she has and is being so obstructive in every way that she can think of)

But the main kicker is, 2. she has stated that she wants to double-barrel the childs surname... If he refuses to agree to this would the court look unfavorably towards him and think that he is being controlling/obstructive..? He has stated privately to me that he does not see why that would impact on the child's welfare or development and the only thing that it would achieve is for her to have control over yet another thing, like the narc that she is..

*BTW* can I change my ID on here, I think it is to similar to my real name..?

 

[Pj66]

Welcome to the forum, sounds very similar to my situation so perhaps I can help,

A few questions:

is your son on the birth certificate or currently have parental responsibility order?

Who's surname does the child currently have?

What was the outcome of the FHDRA and is he currently seeing his child?

Is the non-mol order actually confirmed as legitimate or was it just a scare tactic?

Is he represented?
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If your son has no reason to believe she will abscond with the child then he should not oppose the holiday as the courts will see it as being obstructive.

Regarding the surname change, she will have to argue why it's in the best interests of the child and it can be quite common in the absence of safeguarding risks for the name change, he should neither agree nor oppose it at this stage and let her work to get this changed at a final hearing. Disagreeing isn't obstructive per se but he would need arguments as to why the name change wouldn't be in the child's best interests.

I'd advise your son not to make any direct contact for the time being if the non-mol is confirmed, but should push for contact to be over a parenting app in the next hearing. As she has taken the non mol out anfter the CAO , he should work to get it thrown out as being retaliatory. Everything will be recorded from now on so your son has to be whiter than white and not react poorly, as hard and stressful as it may be. Try to advise him to not take it personally and that this is what narcs do to everyone in their life.

This is the system we are in, he should show he is the reasonable one with no ill will, don't say anything negative about ex to cafcass unless there serious safeguarding concern.

I understand the situation and it is very difficult and emotional times, but your son must ensure he keeps his emotions in check when dealing with her and at court. Be the adult in the room and focus on the child, let her kick off and document everything. It will all backfire for her in the end.

@Ash can assist with the username change.

 

[Peanut 21]

she has stated that she wants to double-barrel the childs surname.

Will it be a combo of her and his surname?
If so, it may be easier and 'fair' as the child still has part of dad's name.

 

[Pj66]

Will it be a combo of her and his surname?
If so, it may be easier and 'fair' as the child still has part of dad's name.

Also if the change happens, ensure it is hyphenated so one can't be dropped.

 

[Smiler75]

Welcome to the forum, sounds very similar to my situation so perhaps I can help,

A few questions:

is your son on the birth certificate or currently have parental responsibility order?

Yes he's on the birth certificate, he thought something like this would happen, so he tried everything to keep her sweet around the time of the birth registration

Who's surname does the child currently have?

The child has his surname

What was the outcome of the FHDRA and is he currently seeing his child?

As she has accused DA and had a non-mol in place before the CAO, he hasn't seen the child for nearly 14 weeks..
The FHDRA had been put straight to Fact Find Hearing, due to the allegations..
He was "awarded" photos and video and progress updates every 2 weeks.. no actual contact

Is the non-mol order actually confirmed as legitimate or was it just a scare tactic?

He took an undertaking without admission

Is he represented?

He's got a barrister arranged, but not had any contact with them yet.. not sure if this normal? The solicitors put him onto them..

Thanks for additional info PJ

 

[Ash]

As Peanut said, as they're separated, it would seem reasonable for the child to have both surnames. It's something I agreed to. My surname was last. If there's a court order in place then your ex can't change the child's surname after that. Not with any official places - school, passports etc - it has to be the full legal name. I'd suggest having your surname last. Because my ex then got married so her surname changed - I then later agreed to change child's name again from Smith Jones to Davis Jones (just as an example). So the last name (Jones in this example) stayed the same.

If there's going to be a fact find he'll definitely need a barrister. If he has a solicitor as well then the solicitor will instruct the barrister and your son probably won't have much contact with the barrister until the day of the hearing. The alternative is not use a solicitor and use a direct access barrister - the barrister would then be dealing with you directly (although they still have minimal communication before the actual hearing but you can usually send a summary of info and anythibg else you want to send, to help the barrister prepare for the hearing).