CAO and NMO. 9 month old child I’ve never met. My story ongoing

[Fiji107]

Hi everyone, long time lurker here. Thought I’d start posting my story for several reasons, for advice from others, for others in a similar position to take advice and tips and as a way of venting
X and I were together for 3 years. She fell pregnant around august 2023, it’s my first and her 4th. She has 3 aged 15-21 from a previous marriage.
When she fell pregnant she wasn’t pleased but we were both excited. We were planning on moving in together into a nice rented house in a rural location, big garden, plans for animals etc. we already had 2 dogs, 1 that she had before and one that we got together. Due to move in oct 23, last minute she pulled out saying that she didn’t want to give up her council house in case we split she couldn’t afford private rent on her own. Negative but I understood. Within a few weeks she decided that she wanted to move in. Her youngest still lived with her oldest with his gf and the middle had fallen out with X and gone to live with her dad. Just before this we’d split for a few days. She then went on holiday with her youngest and her ex. weird I know but she’s told me her other 2 kids got together and bought this holiday to cheer her up and that her youngest had never been in holiday with both his parents. Her and youngest who I’ll refer to as J were due to move in after the holiday. That got delayed as while on holiday her middle girl, who I’ll refer to as M, was subject to a sexual attack by one of her older brother’s friends. She and J moved in December 23, and she became grumpy and confrontational. We clashed. 10 days later she moved her and J back to her old house. On the same day she was sending a lot of messages saying how she’d panicked, made a mistake, why didn’t I stop her etc. at this point I was emotionally drained, confused and depressed. Over the next month she pushed to get back together and in Jan 24 I agreed but things had to change. it lasted a week! The next 3 weeks she spent trying to get us back together. I told her I needed space to sort everything out. On a day in Feb 24 I was having a job interview in a city 80 miles away. The day of the interview she messaged me asking me to go to her house as she wanted to talk. I said I couldn’t as I was busy and asked what it was about. She went off on one saying that I was in the pub, chosen alcohol over her, couldn’t be bothered. Later tyat day I told her that was it, I couldn’t take it anymore and didn’t want to get back together. Started threatening to come to my house and take the dog, being verbally abusive etc. I blocked her on WhatsApp, she messaged on FB. I blocked her. She text me. I blocked her. she emailed me a long abusive message saying that she would let me know when babies born, what she’s decided to call him and then she’d decide how I’d fit into his life “if at all”. Next couple of days more emails accusing me of cheating etc. I called the police. I told them what had been going on and they said it was stalking. I didn’t want to press charges but I needed her to understand the way she was behaving wasn’t ok. They spoke to her and we cut contact. I started counselling. Counsellor suggested reaching out and offering joint counselling or mediation to try and agree something with the baby. I did, she didn’t reply for a week. She refused. I’d asked. The next few months went on arguing via email. I was trying to get some clarity on what would happen with the baby. Then the baby was born. she didn’t tell me.
A week later she announced it on FB. A friend of mine saw it and told me. I called her. She answered said she’d emailed me and the time would show the solicitors that she’d told me before she put it in FB. I asked to meet him and she hung up. I assumed she’d given birth that day and went to the hospital. Nice and calm asked at the desk, she wasn’t there. I went to her house. I rang the doorbell, No answer. Rang again. Emailed her asking to meet the baby. She replied saying to go through solicitors. police turn up, sirens and all. Had a chat, nice and calm. They said she didn’t want me there tonight and that “this is a conversation best had tomorrow”. I went home and emailed her asking why she’d done that. she replied and we had a conversation. I said I’d go back tomorrow at x time and could we please have an adult conversation about it all. I went there, rang the doorbell once. Within minutes sirens, police. I was arrested for stalking with intent to cause violence. In the interview it turns out she’d told the police that I’d turned up the night before, tried to kick the door in and shouting threats. Get the doorbell footage. we will. They get the footage, shows nothing. I’m bailed. Phone seized.

 

[Fiji107]

I get a copy of the birth certificate, I’m not on it. I submit C100 etc.
CAFCASS call. Have I got any safeguarding concerns. She told me from the start of our relationship that her X was abusive and controlling. She was always arguing with her mum who she told me abused her and her siblings when they were kids and is now doing the same to her foster children. Her eldest son had been kicked out the house and went to live with his dad because he’d been beating J up. I told them all this and CAFCASS said they’d make a referral to SS and how did I feel about that? I said I was concerned that he may be taken into care and that’s the last thing I wanted. CAFCASS said that was unlikely and I was happy for the referral to be made.
Safeguarding interview. she asked the same questions, I gave her the same answers. She asked me about my military past, previous convictions. I was honest with her. She starts saying that X said I was an alcoholic, a ptsd diagnosis and I’d tried to commit suicide in the past.
Section 2 comes. I was very hostile towards X, when told it was unlikely baby would be taken into care Im disappointed, I no longer had any safeguarding concerns, ex made many allegations. I’d beaten a dog to death, I’d stopped her from seeing our dog, I was aggressive, her older 2 moved out because of my aggression and heavy drinking, I was jealous, controlling, I told her I was infertile etc. they recommend no interim contact, say I’m denying being the father, recommend dna test, hair strand alcohol test,gp letters.
DRA set for sept 24.
She gets a non mol, just a statement saying I’ve been harassing her and quotes from emails edited to look like I’m threatening her.
Return hearing I deny it. Directions hearing ordered.
DRA hearing. i get a HST, negative result. Asks if I deny parentage, no. Asks her if she denied parentage, no. Judge says he sees no need for a dna test… her barrister pipes up and says “My client has been made aware that Mr X has accused several people close to the family of being the father”. DNA test ordered. My gp supplies full medical records. No ptsd, no history of alcohol abuse, suicide attempts, fertility tests. No interim contact. order all reports, assessments and recommendations for contact to be disclosed by LA by x date. Scott schedules, evidence, police disclosure ordered. I’m ordered to disclose direct to the mother my full medical history.
X date comes. No disclosure from LA. I contacted LA to chase up and told “We don’t have consent to share that”! What? It’s ordered by the court. they say there’s been no reports or assessments done. say there was no referral from CAFCASS.
I’m charged with stalking, plead not guilty. Trial May 25.
Directions hearing Non mol case. adjourned until police disclosure. Directions hearing for Jan 25.
Scott schedules & evidence swapped. I provide a mountain of evidence, screenshots, emails, police reports etc. she provides nothing but her statement which contains a host of allegations of DA. No evidence. Police disclosure arrives. she’s reported me for abusing my dog, for breaching the non mol by sending her my medical disclosure,
hearing Dec 24. fact finding ordered for March 25. deadline set for position statement detailing further evidence no more than 2 pages. DNA results he’s mine. No PR & No interim contact due to allegations. Directions hearing for Jan 25.
Directions hearing in non mol case orders 2 cases to be amalgamated into 1 FF hearing. Same District judge as last time who commends me on how I behave and present myself in court, assures me I will get a fair hearing under him.
Position statements exchanged. Mine is 2 pages setting out what evidence I want which includes the full WhatsApp history between us, full doorbell footage. The footage proves I didn’t try and kick her door in etc but she only gave police “6 short clips of several seconds”. The WhatsApp history proves her version of events in her statements to be a lie. She’s says she moved out because I was a danger to her, unborn and J, I’d harassed her attempting to get back together, I’d threatened to take the baby myself and tried to get him taken into care via CAFCASS. Her PS is 5 pages and rambled about how I’m delusional, narcissistic, have emotional dysregulation, I’m bullying her by taking her to court. then 43 pages of random Facebook posts including a conversation I have with a work colleague about work, me out for a day walking my dog etc. No evidence.
Court bundle supplied contains DA services letter stating a load of allegations, none true and many contradicting statements she already submitted. Bundle has assessment done by local authority in May 24. in it states that her X is a positive role model in my child’s life. I’m fuming. That she planned to move up north to be close to her “support network” her abusive mother. she wants me to acknowledge my alcohol and anger issues, she wants supervised contact in the future, supervised contact that I’d asked for in several occasions that she refused among a load more allegations that contradict what she’s said to others. She says that I’m harassing her by taking her to court, she just wants me to leave her alone. a declaration of parentage has been made and I’m to be added to the birth certificate. Yes! Then another. I ask for reallocation to a District Judge and for the case to be reserved to him. Same DJ that consolidated the 2 cases.Granted! order the police to disclose my full phone download. Police full body cam footage to be disclosed. This will show her giving 2 different stories to the police, the second completely made up to get me arrested. full doorbell footage to be disclosed.Fact finding hearing vacated and further directions hearing set for March 25
And this is where I am now.

 

[Oneofmany]

Bud, that's the full package right there. A lot of us have been on the end of similar things. Its tough, no denying it...... they are psycho hose beasts from hell. Then once you get some kind of result in your favour and the bullshit seems to have lost its power for them, you get the old "lets draw a line under it" speech like nothings ever happend. Wait.... what..... its bonkers and we live the whole show

 

[Fiji107]

Bud, that's the full package right there. A lot of us have been on the end of similar things. Its tough, no denying it...... they are psycho hose beasts from hell. Then once you get some kind of result in your favour and the bullshit seems to have lost its power for them, you get the old "lets draw a line under it" speech like nothings ever happend. Wait.... what..... its bonkers and we live the whole show

That’s only the tip of the iceberg mate. She’s got her family and friends to make false statements, most can be easily proven false, or they just say “she told me he did this, she told me he did that”, some contradict statements that’s she’s made. She’s told CAFCASS, DA agencies, police all different things that contradict each other. Submitted absolutely no evidence but her statements. It’s absolutely mental the narrative she’s trying to push. But it does look like it’s all about to unravel thankfully. It’ll still mean I’ve lost 18 months of my son’s life. Then CAFCASS will probably say “you need to slowly build up contact because the child doesn’t know who you are”. She literally told the child support worker she wants her ex to be the father figure and they’re supporting that. She’s been warned by the police about making malicious reports re the non mol breach yet she still bangs on and tells the court that I breached the non mol… now they’re getting police disclosure about that which is just going to show her up even more. I think she honestly believes everyone just believes everything she says and they’ll ignore the evidence that’s shows she’s a pathological liar. It’s mind boggling

 

[Oneofmany]

bud, right there with ya. PM me. Happy tp chat. Its fuckin mad. No other way to descibe it. But like a lot of the other guys.gals on here. Been there. Got ya back bro

 

[Fiji107]

bud, right there with ya. PM me. Happy tp chat. Its fuckin mad. No other way to descibe it. But like a lot of the other guys.gals on here. Been there. Got ya back bro

Thanks. Do you mind me asking what the outcome of your case was?

 

[Oneofmany]

Thanks. Do you mind me asking what the outcome of your case was?

dm me bud. I keep things close

 

[JX11]

That’s only the tip of the iceberg mate. She’s got her family and friends to make false statements, most can be easily proven false, or they just say “she told me he did this, she told me he did that”, some contradict statements that’s she’s made. She’s told CAFCASS, DA agencies, police all different things that contradict each other. Submitted absolutely no evidence but her statements. It’s absolutely mental the narrative she’s trying to push. But it does look like it’s all about to unravel thankfully. It’ll still mean I’ve lost 18 months of my son’s life. Then CAFCASS will probably say “you need to slowly build up contact because the child doesn’t know who you are”. She literally told the child support worker she wants her ex to be the father figure and they’re supporting that. She’s been warned by the police about making malicious reports re the non mol breach yet she still bangs on and tells the court that I breached the non mol… now they’re getting police disclosure about that which is just going to show her up even more. I think she honestly believes everyone just believes everything she says and they’ll ignore the evidence that’s shows she’s a pathological liar. It’s mind boggling

Thanks for sharing, as the quote goes the a lie gets half way around the world before the truth gets his pants on
I again struggled with this, having to continually defend against lies, it’s a common tactic and very emotionally draining. My solicitor actively discourage police disclosure due to costs, good that you have got it.
Good to get the truth out for your own sanity , but don’t be surprised at the end of the day the system won’t care they will just shrug there shoulders, there will be no consequences for her lies and destroying your life.

 

[Fiji107]

Thanks for sharing, as the quote goes the a lie gets half way around the world before the truth gets his pants on
I again struggled with this, having to continually defend against lies, it’s a common tactic and very emotionally draining. My solicitor actively discourage police disclosure due to costs, good that you have got it.
Good to get the truth out for your own sanity , but don’t be surprised at the end of the day the system won’t care they will just shrug there shoulders, there will be no consequences for her lies and destroying your life.

One thing I have learned in this process is that you need to make a separate application for contempt of court hearing…
The court ordered police disclosure to be paid by her legal aid. It’s shown that she’s made multiple false reports to police. That’ll be useful in the final hearing. My barrister in the criminal case has also said that’s extremely useful in that case as it shows bad character. Along with the multiple easily proven lies in her court statements and police statements he thinks it’s very likely the criminal court will throw her statements out as not being a credible witness. He also thinks that as soon as we start submitting my evidence to the cps they’ll just drop the case. Says it’s normal for the cps to push DA cases to court in the hope you just plead guilty, especially when they’re not “serious” charges.
I’m very confident that things are looking good.