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CAFCASS safeguarding call (self rep)

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Ashman

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Hello everyone,

I’ve spent the last few days on this site reading all your posts and trying to sponge up information and was looking for some advice as I am self representing as can’t financially afford a solicitor or barrister.

I have my beautiful daughter who was born in May , I was present throughout pregnancy , labor and lived with my daughter and ex up until we broke up in January. I was allowed to see my daughter but my ex made it very difficult and cut times down to half an hour so I decided to go with mediation to try and rectify and make a plan. Upon receiving her mediation she blocked all contact and haven’t heard a word since.

I have been nearly sick and worrying at work, my ex put me through hell in the relationship, spyed on my phone, disrespecting my family daily and calling them awful names, she would throw stuff at me and hasn’t allowed my family to see my daughter . Only once since she has been born.

She is saying I have been domestically abusive (none whatsoever and no proof or authorities involved) and that I have a drug problem. This is also not true but when she kept spying on my phone found a photo of me from a few years back with a suspicious bag before I went to a festival. She has also sent text messages to herself on my phone and then deleted them. I took my daughter and my ex camping and she was secretly recording me on the way back in the van saying iver and over ‘ I have a new guy and he’s a great step dad to your daughter’ getting a reaction as she is filming me. In hindsight she has set me up over time.

It’s really messed me up and now I’m self repping I need answers to my questions before I go full panic mode. should I file a C1a form? Will cafcass just take her side?

I’ve not had even a single drop of alcohol this year so not worried about a hair test and I have no prior police incidents or anything at all.

Many thanks for any responses and my heart goes out to all the people also suffering in this position.
 
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Mate

Sorry to hear what you're going through but you'll get good support and advice here.

Get that C100 form in ASAP.

We can help with wording.

If your ex isn't responding to your messages then just stop sending them.

Don't worry about anything you've done in the past. Start controlling the controllables.

So many of us here have been or are still in the long haul. That's what this can become. The long haul.

If what you're saying is accurate then you're in a good position to start making an application.

Do not delay.

CAFCASS are often cautious and that can be perceived as side taking. Come here for advice at every step.
 
nothernsoul said:
Mate

Sorry to hear what you're going through but you'll get good support and advice here.

Get that C100 form in ASAP.

We can help with wording.

If your ex isn't responding to your messages then just stop sending them.

Don't worry about anything you've done in the past. Start controlling the controllables.

So many of us here have been or are still in the long haul. That's what this can become. The long haul.

If what you're saying is accurate then you're in a good position to start making an application.

Do not delay.

CAFCASS are often cautious and that can be perceived as side taking. Come here for advice at every step.
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Hi Mate ,

I filed c100 straight away in February as soon as I realised where this was going. I have my safeguarding call in two days and just a bit worried , I know I shouldn’t be as all I have to do is tell the truth! I think reading some horror stories online has got me a bit of a frenzy. My FHDRA is set for 17th May.

I saw someone write about a c1a form but not sure if that would benefit me in this situation? My ex has no idea what she has put me through but I would still work with her for my daughters sake

My daughter will have turnt 1 years old by then, is this likely to effect my request to have her alternating weekends and overnight every Thursday?

Thanks for your response
 
I'd advise not submitting a C1A and don't make any allegations about her. The way Cafcass and the system works is - if both parents make allegations about each other, it could drag on for two years without you seeing your daughter. It's a natural instinct to want to allege back, to defend yourself, but with the family court system, the best think you can do is not say anything negative about the ex. You'll be being judged on whether or not you're a good Dad and positive about co parenting. If you accuse the ex of anything or criticise her, they will just label it as "conflict between parents". And that can lead to no time at all with the child (to avoid the conflict). They will always leave the child with the Mother.

So you need to be smart about this and jump through hoops. It isn't a defence to accuse her of something. What will happen is Cafcass may decide early on whether or not the allegations sound bona fide - they may ignore them. Or they may take them seriously and recommend the court does a section 7 report (more in depth Cafcass report) - but that doesn't mean a Judge will do that. It's just a recommendation.

So from now on you need to be the child focused one, positive about the Mother and co parenting, and whiter than white.

Don't try and contact her again or she may take out a non molestation order. What did you say in your C100 application?

Any allegations have to be looked into but if there's no evidence, they won't find anything. You just need to keep child focused and say you just want child to have happy loving relationships with both parents. If asked what you say to ex's allegations you don't say "she's a liar!" You just say - I'm not sure why she would say these things as they are untrue, but she may be angry that I have applied to court. But I just want our child to have happy loving relationships with both parents. I have no animosity towards Mrs Ex and hopefully the court process will help us reach some agreements.

That kind of thing.
 
Thanks Ash

I didn’t mention anything regarding my ex in the c100 just remained child focused like you said.

Will post on here my safeguarding call experience tomorrow
 
Morning mate.

There's truth and then there is truth.

Keep your answers short and honest. Do not even go into much depth. When I had mine I was probably too honest. At the time I was in a one bedroom flat as an interim measure and acknowledged it wasnt ideal for 2 young children.

I felt this was then focussed on as a primary get out clause for there to be no contact.

Your ex will be laying it on thick. Don't react to it.

Mostly mate, like Ash says, focus on a positive relationship for your child with both parents.

Speak to us when you get your report too. Mine broke my heart but remember they are not statements of fact - just the result of a normally very one sided telephone call.

Be calm, polite, truthful but it's not a counselling session. Just a step to be navigated.
 
nothernsoul said:
Morning mate.

There's truth and then there is truth.

Keep your answers short and honest. Do not even go into much depth. When I had mine I was probably too honest. At the time I was in a one bedroom flat as an interim measure and acknowledged it wasnt ideal for 2 young children.

I felt this was then focussed on as a primary get out clause for there to be no contact.

Your ex will be laying it on thick. Don't react to it.

Mostly mate, like Ash says, focus on a positive relationship for your child with both parents.

Speak to us when you get your report too. Mine broke my heart but remember they are not statements of fact - just the result of a normally very one sided telephone call.

Be calm, polite, truthful but it's not a counselling session. Just a step to be navigated.
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Thanks mate!

Really appreciate your time to reply, feeling more at ease after reading responses and have a clear way in going to take the call tomorrow.

Does anyone recommend recording the Cafcass conversation? Or will this leave a bad taste in their mouth?

Thanks
 
Just had my CAFCASS safeguarding call, CAFCASS officer was really nice and asked questions regarding any police history.

Mine came up with previous charges before I was 18 and said it was a time in my life I regret and hanging out with wrong people.

Asked if I would take part in a free course they offer for separated parents to communicate better and I agreed to that.

As my daughter is turning 1 I know my ex will breastfeed on purpose for as long as possible so I recognised a potential progress plan to be out in place however will remain strong that my daughter will be weened on to bottles as part of the plan?

Overall an okay experience and kept things very neutral and raised no concerns safety wise with my ex and just stayed progressive and that I want to work with her for my daughter

Thanks guys you helped me so much reading your forums and getting advice
 
That all sounds good. Hope the letter is positive. As regards breast feeding, technically that can be used as an excuse up to two years of age (eg preventing overnights). You could suggest that the Mother could express breast milk for overnights. If you do get stuck with no overnights until age 18 months or two then just ask for a progressing order with increasing time and overnights starting age 18 months or something.

When the Cafcass letter comes it isn't always a pleasant read! But when you read it a second time you'll see most of it is just "reporting" what parents said (although Cafcass sometimes interpret things in their own way!). So if it starts with a list of negativity about you, it will probably be what your ex has reported (and will say Mrs Ex says xyz). It doesn't mean Cafcass themselves are saying it.

The important bit is at the end, where they make recommendations.
 
Ash said:
That all sounds good. Hope the letter is positive. As regards breast feeding, technically that can be used as an excuse up to two years of age (eg preventing overnights). You could suggest that the Mother could express breast milk for overnights. If you do get stuck with no overnights until age 18 months or two then just ask for a progressing order with increasing time and overnights starting age 18 months or something.

When the Cafcass letter comes it isn't always a pleasant read! But when you read it a second time you'll see most of it is just "reporting" what parents said (although Cafcass sometimes interpret things in their own way!). So if it starts with a list of negativity about you, it will probably be what your ex has reported (and will say Mrs Ex says xyz). It doesn't mean Cafcass themselves are saying it.

The important bit is at the end, where they make recommendations.
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This is absolutley imperaitive to understand Ashman. They are reporting what they have been told, they are not judging you or the truth of what they have been told.

I let some of the details that they had been told by the mother, and that were presented in the initial CAFCASS letter, consume me over the following months and my mental health has suffered.

Prepare yourself for some mud slinging but remember that CAFCASS at this point are just a conduit there is no judgement from them or acceptance of what they have been told by either of you.
 
Ash said:
That all sounds good. Hope the letter is positive. As regards breast feeding, technically that can be used as an excuse up to two years of age (eg preventing overnights). You could suggest that the Mother could express breast milk for overnights. If you do get stuck with no overnights until age 18 months or two then just ask for a progressing order with increasing time and overnights starting age 18 months or something.

When the Cafcass letter comes it isn't always a pleasant read! But when you read it a second time you'll see most of it is just "reporting" what parents said (although Cafcass sometimes interpret things in their own way!). So if it starts with a list of negativity about you, it will probably be what your ex has reported (and will say Mrs Ex says xyz). It doesn't mean Cafcass themselves are saying it.

The important bit is at the end, where they make recommendations.
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Thank you Ash.

Yeah I think a progressive plan in place will do well especially as not seeing my daughter at all atm and do agree that could be the best path. Just need to ensure it doesn’t drag and have some conviction with it.

Say you win and get your order granted, is it recommende
 
I agree and I do actually see it like that genuinely aswell, I hope a progressive plan can be put in place and life can continue.

Say an order is granted is it best to apply for an enforced order straight away? So as too not have to deal with that at a later date?
 
Well done mate

That's a step navigated.

As others have said be prepared for anything in the CAFCASS letter. If it's anything like mine here is the advice I'd give you.

Read it, read it again. Post on here your feelings. You'll learn so many of us suffered.

Put it away for a couple of days. Read it again.

But, mostly, do not let it bother you.

Tour ex might not be like so many of ours but if she is she will gob off to anyone that will listen and she will be thinking that because it's in writing by someone with clout it is proof of her allegations. It is not.

I'd also take some time to breathe mate. Don't get ahead of yourself.

Absolutely aim for a progression but that might not be happening anytime soon.

Stay calm and keep an eye on your own health.
 
When you receive your safeguarding letter, and if you have a malicious ex, expect to read things that could be heartbreaking at first.

You will read it fast and every emotion will come to you. Put the letter away and let it process. Come back to it in a few days with a clearer head and take everything in slowly.

With each stage of my case it has hit me emotionally but after a few days I can think logically and not read things with heightened emotions.

One thing which has worked for me to detach myself, is to realise that they are just words on a piece of paper from a disgruntled ex.

We know the truth and the people who matter to us know the truth no matter how hard a malicious ex try's to stain our character.
 
Absolutely DadLad. At one point I used to have to ask someone else to read it first (if it was nasty solicitor's letter or email from ex) and give me the basics of what it said, without all the baggage that hits hard. Then a couple of days later I could read it more pragmatically and as you say, detach from the posturing, drama and insults, and see what it is basically saying.
 
Haven’t received later yet chaps but hearing is a couple of weeks away so due soon hopefully.

Been preparing myself to not have an emotional response when I do receive the letter and not overthink everything!

Thanks guys
 
Wow so just had letter received.

My ex has claimed that I’ve pushed her into a wall and physically hit her (completely false)

Saying I have a drug and alcohol issue.

I’ve never laid a finger on her and not a violent person in the slightest and cafcass are not able to support direct contact until a fact finding has taken place

Saga continues
 
What I don’t understand is cafcass have requested level 2 information from the police regarding the supposed incident but I have not been made aware by police of any incident?
 
Good morning mate.

Please, please, do not fret, react or worry at the moment.

If what you are saying is true, and these are just accusations - it's likely that your ex is starting to play the game that so many of us here have played.

It's a horrible, horrible feeling when you read these accusations but not one person that is going to matter has accepted them as truth.

Sadly, it's a default position by CAFCASS to restrict contact. Frustrating and mother will likely see it as a win for her - completely neglecting the needs of the child.

Your next steps for you are important.

Do not react. Do not contact her and do not give her even an inch of satisfaction.

Women have to claim domestic abuse to receive free legal costs - another disgrace but another part of the unjust nature of what we face.

How much alcohol do you drink?

If you feel like it's too much then I'd lay off it completely. Firstly, to get a clean test and secondly, to avoid making any poor choices after a few.

You are in safe hands here mate.

Try your best to put it to one side and sleep on it all for a few days.

Nothing is getting sorted out for you for a while now so be calm.

Have you got representation?
 
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