Cafcass-are they concerned about what happens between spouses?

[Liverpool07]

Hi

Got a CAFCASS call coming up. Wife and I separated in November last year but we agreed to stay in same house for visa purposes so her long term residency was secure for the best interests of the child.

Relationship deteriorated further, constant provocations, and accusations of affairs/abuse and now wife has run off with child. Zero ability to contact her or my child so have gone to court.

Police were called twice but on both occasions they left the child with me so they had no safeguarding concerns at all. Social services also are not intervening.

I have no idea what she will end up saying but are CAFCASS going to be bothered about what she says about what happened between me and her if there are no safeguarding issues between me and my child?

In march I had extreme difficulty sleeping and so asked a neighbour for some weed to help me sleep. It didn't work and it was a one time thing. Do you think I should admit this to cafcass ? Really concerned it will be used against me?

 

[mva]

Caffcass will be concerned about what happened between spouses. If any allegations of DA are raised then they see this as a safeguarding concern and conflict between parents.

Best bet is say nothing negative against the ex and just focus on your positive role as a dad.

I wouldn’t mention the cannabis unless caffcass bring it up and just be honest.

 

[Liverpool07]

But what do you do when there is conflict between parents?



Do you just explain what happened from your point of view if they bring up specific events even though it's nothing to do with the children? I don't see how to make something child focused if it's an argument between parents?



Obviously I understand not to say anything negative but if something is brought up where there is conflict what do you do? Surely you can defend yourself by saying the ex was trying to provoke you into a reaction?

 

[mva]

its a catch 22. Depends what your ex brings up, i think the idea is not to get bogged down in the conflict. Try and move on quickly to your role as a dad.

 

[Fellowshipper]

If she brings up allegations of DA to the police you will be slapped with bail and a non-molestation order, then all outstanding residency visa requirements will be waived by the home office and your partner will be become a full UK citizen, just like that. The only plus side to this is that you will save money (presuming you've been footing all the bone crushing bills for visa renewals and supplementary fees to date).

As far as CAFCASS is concerned, simply say no to any of the mother's allegations or, if pressed further on specific points, simply give your side of the story and that your position has always been to resolve all ordinary household arguments and problems peacefully and rationally. Emphasize also where your co-parenting works well. That's as best as you can do in the given situation, I'm afraid.

P.S. Lay off the drugs completely. You see now how all the fanfare of "prohibition doesn't work" is a deceptive malicious ruse, when especially as a man suffering at the hands of an aggressive woman, it will be used against you in court proceedings. Hopefully you see the glaring disconnect there.

 

[Liverpool07]

She's already brought allegations up with the police and nothing has happened. I think she's been planning this for some time because she kept accusing me of already telling the home office that we are separated along with loads of other nonsense and that I was going to sabotage her visa and get her kicked out of the UK so she can never see her kid again. Other paranoias included me wanting her kicked out and for me and my mum to raise the kid as our own child. I've got evidence of her believing this nonsense.

I was trying to do the right thing so she can get full residency for the sake of our child and then she has ran off (I think to a refuge) to sefureba letter to use as evidence of DA.

When the police came they did a DASH assesment and then asked me to leave the house for one night with my child for things to cool off. Nothing has happened since. And they clearly had no safeguarding concerns.

After the separation she began secretly recording me and trying to provoke me into reactions and eventually I lost my cool and verbally abused her. Absolutely nothing physical and I'm ashamed and scared now she will use this evidence to say she's a victim and have my kid taken away from me.

 

[Fellowshipper]

She's already brought allegations up with the police and nothing has happened. I think she's been planning this for some time because she kept accusing me of already telling the home office that we are separated along with loads of other nonsense and that I was going to sabotage her visa and get her kicked out of the UK so she can never see her kid again. Other paranoias included me wanting her kicked out and for me and my mum to raise the kid as our own child. I've got evidence of her believing this nonsense.

I was trying to do the right thing so she can get full residency for the sake of our child and then she has ran off (I think to a refuge) to sefureba letter to use as evidence of DA.

When the police came they did a DASH assesment and then asked me to leave the house for one night with my child for things to cool off. Nothing has happened since. And they clearly had no safeguarding concerns.

After the separation she began secretly recording me and trying to provoke me into reactions and eventually I lost my cool and verbally abused her. Absolutely nothing physical and I'm ashamed and scared now she will use this evidence to say she's a victim and have my kid taken away from me.

I cannot see how the police will judge in this situation. Verbal abuse could be a factor in the court determining you getting served with a non-molestation order. It certainly doesn't help your case, but it's still a far cry from qualifying as an actual form of abuse, if you're merely swearing and just being angry (as normal people regularly are!) Is your kid with you now?

 

[Liverpool07]

I cannot see how the police will judge in this situation. Verbal abuse could be a factor in the court determining you getting served with a non-molestation order. It certainly doesn't help your case, but it's still a far cry from qualifying as an actual form of abuse, if you're merely swearing and just being angry (as normal people regularly are!) Is your kid with you now?

The police were called over 1.5 months ago. No further action as far as I'm aware. Wouldn't I know by now if there is a non molestation order being applied for?

Even though the relationship ended last year she was deliberately provoking and secretly recording me in an attempt to get the visa because she thought I was going to sabotage it.

I just kept saying "why are we arguing" but it would continue for days on end until eventually she got the reaction she wanted and I would shout and call her names.

Kid isn't with me now. She left and took him with her. Hasn't been in school. I believe she's moved hundreds of miles away into a refuge as a letter from a refuge is sufficient to get the ILR visa. The police avenue could have been her first attempt. No idea why I've never been arrested etc but I think she wanted a paper trail.

I've got a PSO issued last week saying she cannot change him schools but it's been hard serving her.

I have my cafcass call coming up and I'm worried that she will use these incidents (which the kid wasn't present in) to try and say I'm a violent and controlling person despite the fact we had already split up and the only reason we were under the same roof was to secure her long term residency!!

 

[Ash]

She will probably get legal aid for free lawyers, if she's in a refuge, and yes is likely to make allegations. You'll just have to take it one step at a time. Does the PSO prevent her leaving the country as well? I thought you said she'd already changed schools? If she's on a visa that will expire then the biggest risk is her leaving the country, so I suggest you get a PSO for that, and apply for Child Arrangements at the same time. The court will consider her the resident parent now so you'll need to apply for, say 50/50 shared care. And state in your application that you were staying together to protect her visa status, but you were arguing too much and she decided to move out.

 

[Liverpool07]

She will probably get legal aid for free lawyers, if she's in a refuge, and yes is likely to make allegations. You'll just have to take it one step at a time. Does the PSO prevent her leaving the country as well? I thought you said she'd already changed schools? If she's on a visa that will expire then the biggest risk is her leaving the country, so I suggest you get a PSO for that, and apply for Child Arrangements at the same time. The court will consider her the resident parent now so you'll need to apply for, say 50/50 shared care. And state in your application that you were staying together to protect her visa status, but you were arguing too much and she decided to move out

Yes the PSO prevents her from leaving the country. I also have a PSO that prevents her from moving schools as she hasn't moved schools yet but obviously it's a massive possibility that's what she's trying to do.

I guess it can be summed up by depends what she says to CAFCASS. I was under the impression that if the parents arguements are between themselves as long as it doesn't involve the children the courts will not be overly interested.

 

[Ash]

In a way yes, parents arguments are between themselves. Unless the Ex calls it abuse. It depends how strongly your ex says various things as to whether they'd be taken seriously