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C79 enforcement order

jtcm0

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Hello all.

Over Christmas and new years my ex tried to stop all contact with myself and our daughter because I couldn't afford to send her money for our daughters nursery holding fee. (Which would have been extra as I do pay CSA) She blocked me on Facebook and everything else including her phone so I couldn't call or send texts to her. So I put in a C79 form to the courts even though at that point no contact had been missed. I found her email address from previous emails and messages and managed to contact her through email. When I explained that if contact was prevented it would be a breach of the court order she reluctantly relented and "allowed" the usual contact and every subsequent contact has happened as usual. So my question is this; as contact wasn't prevented and has happened as usual what do I do next? I don't want to withdraw the C79 as I believe if I did I'd lose all credibility but as contact has been usual there's nothing for the court to enforce. My worry is that next time I do or say something my ex doesn't like she'll try to stop contact again as the contact schedule we currently have is above the original court order as the order was to progress in line with our daughters pace and development and I tried to get the agreed schedule in to a new order but the courts wouldn't do it.

Any help with this would be greatly appreciated

Thanks.
 
If there have been no breaches of the court order then there is nothing to enforce. I’d suggest contacting the court to withdraw your c79 on the basis that the matter has resolved itself. I fully sympathise with the “what ifs” if she breaches in the future but you’d have to deal with that then. No breaches = what are you applying to enforce?

How old is your daughter and do you have a schedule in your order that sets out exactly what the pace of progression is?

Ultimately, if you wanted to vary the arrangements down the line then you’d have to apply to vary your order (C100). Or if you have an agreement then you can go through a Consent Order.
 
I’d withdraw it given what you’ve said - it was a stick to get contact back on track.
As you say contacts been resumed and there was not a breach.
Even with a breach of CAO it’s unlikely a court actually enforces - usually it’s a noted breach and a stern word. This can encourage a party to behave badly as the fear of consequence is drastically reduced.
Withdrawing is reasonable in this situation and by making the application to begin with you’ve demonstrated and defended your boundaries to the other person and arrangements are back on track - what more is there to gain?
You can always refer to the need for the application and reason for withdrawal should you end up in court again.
 
If there have been no breaches of the court order then there is nothing to enforce. I’d suggest contacting the court to withdraw your c79 on the basis that the matter has resolved itself. I fully sympathise with the “what ifs” if she breaches in the future but you’d have to deal with that then. No breaches = what are you applying to enforce?

How old is your daughter and do you have a schedule in your order that sets out exactly what the pace of progression is?

Ultimately, if you wanted to vary the arrangements down the line then you’d have to apply to vary your order (C100). Or if you have an agreement then you can go through a Consent Order.
My daughter is 2 years old. The order just says contact should progress beyond the order in line with our daughter pace and development but there is no time frame on that so as I'm sure you'd expect the mother can and does decide her progress. I tried to vary the order but as there was about 8 months in-between making the application to vary and having a hearing my ex had been told by her social worker to increase contact as if she doesn't the court would so she relented to more contact with myself and daughter and because of that the court decided to not put what we had agreed in to a order as "thats not what they do"
 
I’d withdraw it given what you’ve said - it was a stick to get contact back on track.
As you say contacts been resumed and there was not a breach.
Even with a breach of CAO it’s unlikely a court actually enforces - usually it’s a noted breach and a stern word. This can encourage a party to behave badly as the fear of consequence is drastically reduced.
Withdrawing is reasonable in this situation and by making the application to begin with you’ve demonstrated and defended your boundaries to the other person and arrangements are back on track - what more is there to gain?
You can always refer to the need for the application and reason for withdrawal should you end up in court again.
The court hasn't even looked at the C79 application so my ex doesn't know I put one in. So I do fear next time contact will stop if I do or say something me ex doesn't like. I fully understand that at the moment there is nothing to enforce but it does seem like she has a free pass to go back to the original order (3 hours a week in the community) rather than every other weekend including 1 over night at any point and there would be nothing I could do about it
 
The court expected parents to work together and progress contact.

Can you put together a reasonable contact plan and forward to mother for her to comment.

are SS still involved?

It’s much better not to have court involved, but, should it be necessary a clear picture of you trying to work amicably and move forwards with the best interest of the child in mind will speak volumes and demonstrate clearly what you are seeking.

It’s hard.

The 3ds can help with communication - disengage from argument, detach emotionally and defend boundaries.
 
The court expected parents to work together and progress contact.

Can you put together a reasonable contact plan and forward to mother for her to comment.

are SS still involved?

It’s much better not to have court involved, but, should it be necessary a clear picture of you trying to work amicably and move forwards with the best interest of the child in mind will speak volumes and demonstrate clearly what you are seeking.

It’s hard.

The 3ds can help with communication - disengage from argument, detach emotionally and defend boundaries.
Unfortunately everything i suggest is never considered. I believe that she feels that everything i suggested is an attack on her or her parenting. It seems very much her way or no way until we get outside the court room then she reluctantly relents so that the court "favours her" and not anymore no more involvement from ss
 
Can you talk with your daughter’s doctor/health worker?

“contact should progress beyond the order in line with our daughter pace and development”

If you can have some form of professional input that aligns with a proposed contact progression plan, that would be beneficial.

Dealing with a difficult person is extremely difficult - don’t give them any ammunition and keep all communication recorded.

You’re on a long journey and the only way to navigate it is by sticking to the path and accepting it’s a long and very slow road with many a hurdle, trap and snare to avoid.

It’s totally unfair.

Stay calm and don’t react to the nonsense that comes your way from your ex. It’s your relationship with your daughter that’s what’s important - feeling disempowered and being fed scraps by an unfair hand is part of the path - I’m so sorry
 
Can you talk with your daughter’s doctor/health worker?

“contact should progress beyond the order in line with our daughter pace and development”

If you can have some form of professional input that aligns with a proposed contact progression plan, that would be beneficial.

Dealing with a difficult person is extremely difficult - don’t give them any ammunition and keep all communication recorded.

You’re on a long journey and the only way to navigate it is by sticking to the path and accepting it’s a long and very slow road with many a hurdle, trap and snare to avoid.

It’s totally unfair.

Stay calm and don’t react to the nonsense that comes your way from your ex. It’s your relationship with your daughter that’s what’s important - feeling disempowered and being fed scraps by an unfair hand is part of the path - I’m so sorry
Unfortunely the ss workers and health workers have said they aren't allowed to get involved with contact arrangements and also they've decided to not be involved with my ex or daughter anymore. I really want to take my daughter away for a week (in the UK Scotland for example) and even though the courts have said I'm well within my rights to do this or even a overseas holiday my ex has said the our daughter isn't "ready" for that. I think we all know what that actually means. She took our daughter to Türkiye for a week last year and I've been seeing our daughter for nearly 2 years so she knows who I am. I tried to get a specific issues order for this so that it was ordered that I could have up to 2 times a year where I could have a week with my daughter but the courts wouldn't do it because its again not what they do. I want to ask my ex again for the opportunity to take our daughter for a holiday but I know she'll say no and she'll use nursey as the reason for not because she has decided to have our daughter in nursery even during half terms. I say all that as an example of what I've got to deal with.
 
Could you try for a long weekend?

Trouble is anything longer, at the moment, is likely to have the separation anxiety card played, not to mention the still ‘breast feeding’ manoeuvre that’s a great one and continued until my youngest got to 5!

There will be a time that all of this will be behind you
 
I could try for a long weekend but I can imagine it'll be a no. Anything I suggest is a no. I think that if i got her to think it was her idea id have more of a chance. She will use the separation card that's for sure. It would be difficult for her to use breast feeding as she's never done that as our daughter never latched on correctly so she had to go to formula.

I'm holding out hope that my daughter figures out who the "problem parent" was I don't like using that term but its the only one I can think to use. Kids always figure things out
 
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