C100 Withdrawal Issue.

[Memphis14]

Hi Folks,

Long story short my ex has stopped me from having contact with her since she was 9 months old.

She kept me off of the birth certificate as a control thing and well, our relationship didn't last.

Because of everything that happened I sent some drunken messages when she stopped me seeing my daughter that were unpleasant to say the least. I haven't seen my daughter for about 3 years.

What's a man to do when he's been kicked to the curb for doing absolutely nothing wrong?

As a result she was granted a restraining order and I was charged with harassment. I was livid, she'd vanished with my daughter. But yeah we are where we are.

Anyway, the C100 came back last week with a court date.. but after 4 months of forgetting about it I'm now in panic mode and can't think of anything worse than being in court with a manipulative ex arguing over our daughter.

I've searched and searched online and I just can't find a way to withdraw it and I've read that ultimately now it's been accepted that it's upto the courts on whether they'll even accept a withdrawal, Cafcass has been in touch to book an interview and I've also told them I'm looking into withdrawing but they're saying they still have to do their work until the court tells them otherwise..

I know I should probably pursue it. But I also know that it is going to be an absolute shit show with the chaos my ex will cause for me.

And the court date is in less than 3 weeks..

 

[Peanut 21]

Do you think this is just panic mode (which is understandable) or do you really want nothing to do with your child?

Court isn't pleasant and it's not nice seeing the ex but I think you should give it a shot. Even if to just to say to your daughter in the future, that you tried.

 

[Memphis14]

Definetly panic mode.

I'd love nothing more than to see my daughter...

Maybe I'm over thinking it but I'm thinking more of the impact on my daughter afterwards if and when my ex decided to play mind games or do things to spite my daughter.

It's almost asif for my daughters benefit of not being in-between it that she'll benefit more not seeing me until she's older if that makes sense.

 

[mva]

What have you got to loose from going to court. You don t currently see your daughter and there’s a chance that you will. Take the wind out exes sails and admit your faults, don’t make allegations against mum. Your probably get supervised visits which will change the narrative with your daughter.

 

[Ash]

Definetly panic mode.

I'd love nothing more than to see my daughter...

Maybe I'm over thinking it but I'm thinking more of the impact on my daughter afterwards if and when my ex decided to play mind games or do things to spite my daughter.

It's almost asif for my daughters benefit of not being in-between it that she'll benefit more not seeing me until she's older if that makes sense.

Don't withdraw the application If you do you will probably never get an order to see your daughter again. Once an application is withdrawn, it's seen as lack of commitment and any subsequent application would probably not be accepted or achieve nothing.

So calm down, and take things one step at a time.

Firstly, your daughter is only 4 so it's unlikely she'll become involved or Cafcass talk to her. If Cafcass did visit her (with your ex) they are not going to ask her wishes at that age and her wishes wouldn't form part of any decisions anyway at that age.

Secondly, you need to get Cafcass onside. Say you really want to try and co parent amicably with the ex and be involved in your daughter's life and are prepared for things to be gradual. That the only reason you haven't done this before was you felt you had messed up sending messages when you were very upset and had had a drink. But you want to try and put things right etc etc.

Basically don't say anything negative about the ex, and sound child focused and positive about co parenting - act if you have to - but try and be yourself as well.

If you've told Cafcass you're thinking of withdrawing the application, that will probably be reported in their safeguarding letter (which you should receive after they've spoken to both parents). But you can do a brief "position statement" before a first hearing, explaining you felt intimidate by the court process but really do want to be a Father to your daughter. We can help with a position statement. It's just a formal note really and speaks for you so you don't need to say much at a hearing. A bit like a note to the Judge so he knows your "position".

What did you put in your initial C100 application at 5b? The bit where it asks why you want an order etc.

 

[Memphis14]

Thankyou for that. Means alot.

I put "Despite mine and my ex partners differences I would like to be a stable figure within my daughters life, this is currently hindered by a restraining order and my name not appearing within the birth certificate, my daughter means a great deal to me and I believe I am in a stable position to give my daughter a supportive, loving father figure."

 

[Ash]

That all sounds fine. Just explain when you have your phone interview that you want to see your daughter and co parent amicably, but you had a minor panic feeling intimidated by the whole court process.