C100 hearing done, need advice.

[Ady347]

Hello fellow Dad's!

To cut a long story short... used to see kids every weekend for 9 months. I got a new partner and after 6 months I introduced her to my boys, things went downhill quickly with their mother/my ex wife of 10 years and resulted in me not seeing them for 18 months now.

Did a C100 application. After a 9 months wait it goes to court, was happy enough with the outcome.

The court stated I send letters once a month to slowly build a relationship with the boys as they are still quite young before we do face to face, I agreed with that totally but don't know the time scale. I did not have a solicitor and represented myself.

Their mother was instructed in the court order to send me a monthly update on their activities and interests (section 13 below) and also encourage the boys to send me letters, drawings etc... (section 11)

First month is up soon, I sent a 6 page letter with lots of old photos of us to help jog their memories, also tell them about my life now and all I got back was 2 drawings from the boys which covers section 11 of the order but nothing by their mother to cover section 13.

I then sent a letter to their mother recommending she read the court order again as she is not following what was instructed and hoping it was an oversite.

My questions are...

If she doesn't follow the court order what application do I make with the court for her "being in contempt of a order"

If she starts following the order and we send letters back and forth for a few months do I make another c100 court application for face to face contact, or is their another application I have to make?

Contacting her and asking to see them is out of the question. Things are volatile between us currently.

Thanks.

 

[mva]

Did the court order not mention how and when face to face is to start again.

 

[Ady347]

Did the court order not mention how and when face to face is to start again.

No, no mention of it... I know I should of asked now but I had so much to take in and representing yourself is not easy.

 

[Ash]

It isn't easy self repping - and we're all green having never done it before - you learn quickly! Make sure everything you want is in the order and it's clear. The danger of there being no timescale is your ex will see this as permanent (delude herself).

One thing I'd comment is - everything you put in writing can work for or against you. So advice is - always keep anything you write, polite and courteous - as if writing to a business colleague (however you feel). As if you don't know her - keep it impersonal. This can really help your case later as these emails etc can be used as evidence of you being the reasonable one and her being the unreasonable one who either doesn't respond or ignores court orders.

The order sounds ineffective. It expects a lot of information to be sent every month, with no time scale. It sounds like a failure of the court not to list another hearing for a few weeks after the last one. So your only option is to re-apply on a C100, updating the situation.

The other reason to use courteous communication is - if they sense hostility from you they class it as "conflict between parents" and then they will leave the kids with the Mother and say - indirect time only with you (ie letters only) - the justification being - to keep the kids out of the conflict.

By showing you;re the reasonable courteous one, it's clear that the conflict is one sided and it's the Mother that's the issues. What Cafcass want to see is one of the parents (you) being positive about co parenting and attempting to be amicable (even though you grit your teeth writing the stuff!) for the sake of the kids.

Then you get the brownie points and she is the issue.

I am really sorry this has happened - those kids were used to seeing you ever week-end and haven't seen you since - I don't agree that slow introduction by letter is the way forward - I think it should have been face to face straight away, with increasing time from a few hours a week through to an overnight a weeek, through to full week-ends and midweek nights again. And that's what you should be asking for in an application. Did the last case determine there were no welfare issues with you? Or did your ex make allegations and Cafcass err on the side of safety? If she did make allegations, that's another reason to keep your emails courteous - if you sound (rightly) miffed then you could get labelled as "possively aggressive".

How old are the kids? Are they at school yet?

But yes she is in breach of that order. To enforce a breach it's a C79 enforcement application, but I strongly advise you don't do that and go for the C100 application for a Child Arrangements order instead. ie a new Child Arrangements order. Technically it's an application to vary the current order but it's fine to apply for a new Child Arrangements order (it'll still be seen as an application to vary). The reason for that is - enforcement just enforces what you already have (and doesn't really work - there aren't enough penalties to make her follow it and she will make excuses - for enforcement there has to be "no reasonable excuse" - so it can be hard to enforce). Whereas a new application allows you to ask for a proper schedule of increasing time leading to what you had before.

How did it go with Cafcass last time? Big tip - never say anything negative about the Mother (classed as conflict between parents again) - play the game.

 

[Ady347]

Thanks for advice...

Boys are 10 8 and 6.

Cafcass was useless, at court I stated it was rushed and biased..

The hearing had to be delayed 3 months as cafcass didn't even submit the report in time of the hearing, even after 2 extensions!

My interview was a 20min phone call 2 days before the hearing.

Cafcass was a shambles IMO.. they put things in the report such as the boys getting upset when interviewed.
when I questioned if the officer witnessed it she stated the mum told her weeks later! So I said how do you know its true then?

She also stated the boys are flourishing since we split?? So I said surely maturity plays a part in that to which she agreed..

I'm glad I got to question the cafcass officer.

The ex wife has had 6 relationships in the last 3 years, and that the ones I know are 100% true.. I've had 1 and still with the same person so I used my stability in life and how it was the same person who met the boys. Yet my ex wife went mental saying it was too soon after i waited 6 months, I also told the hearing about photos of men with arms around the boys appearing on facebook within weeks of the relationships starting..

 

[Ady347]

I said the same thing to the judge. Ask yourself why after 9 months of seeing the boys every weekend it stopped. And also a mere 4 weeks after they met my partner

 

[Ash]

Ok. But from now on you want to be careful what you say to the court when trying to prove points. They could see that kind of thing as you denigrating your ex rather than being positive about her and co parenting. Those are the hoops you need to jump through. Present yourself as the positive co parent. Don't try and convince them she's the bad parent or it backfires and they see "conflict between parents and then they minimise time to avoid the conflict". The conflict needs to be seen as one-sided. Her doing the conflict and you being the child focused, calm, reasonable one. As the saying goes - give her enough rope and she'll hang herself. So you don't need to point out her hostility and negativity - she'll do that herself. When it comes to a statement with evidence you can show her saying that kind of thing in emails and texts as well.

And yes it's very common - they do it when you have a partner. Some exes just can't stand the idea of a stepmum being involved. Some of it is fear - that the kids might prefer someone else and want to leave them (although that's not rational as they can love lots of people equally), some of it is hatred or revenge - that you met someone else. And so on.

If you're applying with a C100 again it will be the Cafcass interviews again - it may go a lot better this time. Come on here to prepare first as well.

But don't sit there and let her paint you as the bad guy - put your own application in - to get the time reinstated and more time if you want it/better schedule. That is one thing that deters an ex from playing up in future - if every time you go to court she comes out with less