Best Parenting Plan when you live 160miles (4hrs drive) apart from ex

[mikeayo1891]

Hi guys, Just planning ahead of a possible DRA / Final Hearing. Can anyone kindly advice the best parenting plan I should be demanding/negotiating for an ex who moved about 160miles away (almost 4hrs drive) with our 7yr old boy.

I would appreciate any advice in terms of what is the most favourable child arrangements plan that i should be fighting for (with regards to term time, holidays, weekdays, weekends, birthdays, bank holidays, christmas, travel, drop off/return time, who has responsibility for the long travel etc.).

If anyone has some sort of template or something similar that i can work with that would be very helpful. Thanks.

 

[Ash]

The standard with that distance would be every other week-end and half the holidays. You might get a midweek tea time as well if you can travel for it but four hours is maybe a bit far.

The court wouldn't normally order more than that unless it's agreed at court via negotiations. In that respect you could push for say, 3 week-ends out of four, a video call on the fourt week-end and a bit more than half the holidays. And for it to be shared care. It's possible a barrister could thrash out such an agreement but if your ex has had advice, she might not budge. If she's told the standard the court will order is every other week-end.

You want to ask for defined holiday weeks. Eg a clear half of all school holidays commencing on the last day of term and ending on the first day of the next term. You can alternate halves each year if you want.

Eg first half of the Easter holidays with Father and second half with Mother in 2025 and odd years. Second half of Easter holidays with Father and first half with Mother in 2026 and even years.

Instead of splitting all half terms you could ask for a full half term week each plus a split half term week. Eg October half term with Father, May half term with Mother, February half term divided equally. Or vice versa - or alternating years again (eg you get October one year and May the following year).

Summer. As your child is 7 you could probably split the summer holidays down the middle - which would be 3 and a bit weeks each (summer holidays tend to be longer than 6 weeks - sometimes just an extra 2 or 3 days, sometimes a whole week longer). Splitting it down the middle keeps it simple.

Alternatively you can have a two week and one week block each. And split any additional days. That can work ok but there can be issues with flights for holidays if you're coming back on a Saturday and she's booked to fly out somewhere the same Saturday.

Christmas. Varying options. You could just split it down the middle like Easter with alternating halves each year - the first half usually includes Christmas Day and boxing day.

All two week holiday periods like Easter and Christmas are actually more than two weeks, if you have them start from the last day of term and end on the first day of the next term. They're about 18 days usually so 9 days each. If you want to just have full weeks and start the holidays on the first Monday after term ends, (ie first week-end of the holidays is a standard scheduled week-end) that is an option but can lead to difficulties or arguments as term doesn't always end on a Friday. Also if you want to go away the Friday for 9 days gives more options for bookings than Monday to Monday.

Personally I think it's simpler to have all holidays start from the time the school day ends on the last day of term, and end at the time school recommences on the first day of the next term - and split them down the middle. (Except for half terms as mentioned above).

That means you pick up directly from school and drop off directly to school. That might not work with the distance so you could have the holidays commencing from school on the last day of term and ending 6pm the night before return to school.

Special days: Depends what you want to include. Usually it's Mother's Day, Fathers Day, possibly child's birthday (depending what time of year it is and whether during term time or holidays) and possibly parents birthdays.

With the distance I would probably leave out child's birthday and just let it be with whoever they happen to be with that day, and celebrate at the week-end nearest to it. Although with every other week-end that could mean waiting two weeks to celebrate. If it's during the holidays then you need to work the holiday arrangements around it (eg alternate the halves of the holidays so it falls alternately with one parent or the other).

It would be a clause along the lines of:

With the distance it's probably only Mothers Day and Fathers day that are workable, because it means an additional day if the child isn't already scheduled to be with you and 4 hours each way is a long way for just one additional day. Mothers and Fathers Day are always on a Sunday but the standard times would be - from 5pm the night before until 9am the morning after (in your case better it's 6pm on the Sunday due to distance).

So they get a full 24 hours with you and it splits the week-end. That clause would only come into effect if the child wasn't already scheduled to be with you over the Fathers Day week-end. Likewise you'd lose half a week-end if it was Mother's Day and child should be with you that week-end. But it's only once a year.

 

[Ash]

So you might put a proposed schedule in a statement like this:

Child to live with both parents

During term-time:

Child lives with Father 3 week-ends out of four from school collection on the Friday until 6pm on the Sunday, return to Mother's home. On the fourth week-end, a video call with child at 5pm on the Saturday for at least 20 minutes. All other times during term time, child lives with Mother.

School holidays:

Half the school holidays with each parent as follows:

Summer holidays: First half with Father and second half with Mother in 2025 and odd years, first half with Mother and Second half with Father in 2026 and even years.

Easter holidays: First half with Father and second half with Mother in 2025 and odd years, first half with Mother and Second half with Father in 2026 and even years.

Christmas holidays: First half with Father and second half with Mother in 2024 and even years, first half with Mother and Second half with Father in 2025 and odd years.

Half terms: May half term with Father and October half term with Mother in 2025 and odd years. October half term with Father and May half term with Mother in 2026 and even years. February half term to be divided between parents annually, keeping to the usual week-end schedule with changoeover midday on the Wednesday.

Early May bank holiday day to be spent with Father until 6pm if it follows his week-end with the child, otherwise to be spent with Mother.

All school holiday periods to commence at the time school ends on the last day of term, and end at 6pm the night before school recommences.

Travel will be shared between the parties equally, with Father collecting on Fridays or the beginning of school holiday periods, and Mother collecting on Sunday evenings or the end of the school holiday periods.

Special Days:

Special days will be Fathers Day and Mother's Day.

There will be an additional day for the respective parent, from 5pm the night before until 6pm the following day, unless the child is already scheduled to be with the respective parent that week-end.

Additional clauses:

Neither parent will change the child's school without the written consent of both parents.


That last bit is to stop her doing a moonlight flit and you finding out later.

 

[mikeayo1891]

Thank you very much for this @Ash . This is very comprehensive. Kindly add remind me of any more additional clauses if they come to mind.

 

[mikeayo1891]

So you might put a proposed schedule in a statement like this:

Child to live with both parents

During term-time:

Child lives with Father 3 week-ends out of four from school collection on the Friday until 6pm on the Sunday, return to Mother's home. On the fourth week-end, a video call with child at 5pm on the Saturday for at least 20 minutes. All other times during term time, child lives with Mother.

School holidays:

Half the school holidays with each parent as follows:

Summer holidays: First half with Father and second half with Mother in 2025 and odd years, first half with Mother and Second half with Father in 2026 and even years.

Easter holidays: First half with Father and second half with Mother in 2025 and odd years, first half with Mother and Second half with Father in 2026 and even years.

Christmas holidays: First half with Father and second half with Mother in 2024 and even years, first half with Mother and Second half with Father in 2025 and odd years.

Half terms: May half term with Father and October half term with Mother in 2025 and odd years. October half term with Father and May half term with Mother in 2026 and even years. February half term to be divided between parents annually, keeping to the usual week-end schedule with changoeover midday on the Wednesday.

Early May bank holiday day to be spent with Father until 6pm if it follows his week-end with the child, otherwise to be spent with Mother.

All school holiday periods to commence at the time school ends on the last day of term, and end at 6pm the night before school recommences.

Travel will be shared between the parties equally, with Father collecting on Fridays or the beginning of school holiday periods, and Mother collecting on Sunday evenings or the end of the school holiday periods.

Special Days:

Special days will be Fathers Day and Mother's Day.

There will be an additional day for the respective parent, from 5pm the night before until 6pm the following day, unless the child is already scheduled to be with the respective parent that week-end.

Additional clauses:

Neither parent will change the child's school without the written consent of both parents.


That list bit is to stop her doing a moonlight flit and you finding out later.

For the travel do you think judges will agree for us to share the travel. As per term time. So that i get to travel down to pick child from school down on Friday after school and she then gets to travel down to my base to pick him on Sunday?

I believe the travel burden is likely to motivate the ex to move closer. But i hope Judges dont put all the fortnightly travel burden on the non-resident parent.

 

[Ash]

It's a possibility that you will get shared travel. Don't ask, don't get.