Bail and seeing my

[Relents]

Hi all,

Currently have bail where I cannot speak to my ex directly or indirectly. Only via a “Trusted” 3rd person for childcare reasons.

The bail is for no DV reasons or abusive.

Now the ex has got her mum to send me a letter saying that she will act as a 3rd person and If I want to see my daughter I can for 1 hour at time through her.

Now, I think this is an absolute outrageous claim again. Controlling and manipulating the situation to their preferences as always.


Ex is saying I can have my child for 1 hour unsupervised via her family member.

I do not trust her family and have so far refused this contact….. I refuse to give into their demands and allow them to control the situation. The 3rd person contact should be arranged by someone I trust which they are not.

I have submitted my court applications which she does not know about yet…..

Do you think I should reproach her and ask for more hours unsupervised than the 1 they are suggesting? My thoughts are if it goes to court and they see she has already allowed me unsupervised contact, the longer legnths of this are better.

Do you think I should reproach and offer for one of my family members to be the 3rd person?

Thanks

 

[mva]

I think it’s good that you are being offered unsupervised.

1 hr is ridiculous and clearly you are not being offered a third party that you agree with.

I would email back to her mother suggesting longer and another person facilitating.

Remember everything you write will be used in court potentially against you. So polite and brief.

If ex refuses to extend time or agree a different third person then you have no option than to accept.

The court/ caffcass won’t be impressed if you refuse to see your child when offered.

Child centred is to maintain contact however difficult , unfair and brief.

If your ex or her mother are likely to use that 1 hr to claim allegations you , you could take family with you for the hour , just to cover yourself.

I would also explain in the letter that 1 hour simply isn’t enough time to offer your kid any activity that’s child friendly. Wandering a local park in the autumnal rain for an hour isn’t acceptable etc. You need enough time to bond , feed and entertain your kid.

 

[Relents]

Thank you, that’s really good advise.

I didn’t see the refusing contact a bad thing.

Seeing them or the thought of it makes me physically sick.

 

[nothernsoul]

My ex did exactly the same.

Made allegations against me regarding substance abuse and then picked her mother, a regular drug user, as my "supervisor."

It was a tactic to get me to act in a way she wanted. Her mother would even listen to my conversations and record me.

I'd absolutely request someone else but don't it be the determining factor. nor allow her mother to wind you up. If you know you can keep it together accept the time but expect it to be challenging.

These women disgust me

 

[Peanut 21]

Can you suggest a contact centre instead?
Yes you'd have to pay but a group session is cheaper.
It would be better for everyone (apart from controlling ex and her mother) having someone neutral to supervise.
It'll look good in court as well that you're willing to pay and avoid potential conflict between yourself and the grandmother. No doubt she'll try and rile you up on purpose.

 

[Ash]

You'll also get contact centre reports you can use as evidence of your good relationship with the child.