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Bad dad

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winkle666

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I've recently been told I'm a bad dad by my sons mother cause I have him full time and can't work enough even though she's at work 5 days a week, I'm starting to break down, theres already enough pressure on dad's but I just can't wrap my head around how to be a full-time dad and work and keep a happy family. I'm close to just giving up and I don't know what to do.

Any advice would be really appreciated cause I honestly don't know what to do anymore
 
I'm guessing your split wasn't amicable?
She's projecting her feelings about herself onto you. She probably feels guilty she doesn't have the kids as much so is taking it out on you.
I'm sure you're trying your absolute best. She's messing with your head. It's difficult but try to block out her words.
 
Hi mate.

I'd suggest limiting that contact with ex and make it formal / business like

Tell her you only wnat to discuss the kids and you do not want to discuss such things unless it concerns the kids or is a safety concern etc.

It takes time but consistently doing it will change the behaviours. It's a bit cheeky of her to expect you to have them most the time and then still criticise you!

How much does she have the kids.
 
So in a way you're a stay at home Dad working part time like most main carers. I take it you are actually separated? Are there any orders in place for the kids? I'm guessing not. At a guess I would think this is about child maintenance. If you're not earning much, she won't get much child maintenance. Although you shouldn't be paying any at all if you have the kids more than half the time.
 
hey winkle666, I know it’s probably hard to hear that from the ex but as some have suggested, she will have her own agenda and feelings. You can’t control what she does or say but you do have control on how you deal with it and your own self worth.

Are you a bad dad? Do you not try? I don’t think for one second you belief you are nor does anyone on here. Only you can judge yourself, if you are doing what you can for your kids no one can ask anymore of you, not even yourself!

Stay strong brother
 
Hey @winkle666 ,

I hear how you feel.

I was made to constantly feel that I never did enough and any time I took for myself made me a bad dad. Its a war of attrition designed to take you from glass half full to glass empty in order to compensate for the other parents feelings of inadequacy.

As the other fathers have already said, the mere fact you're even doing a minutes of work whilst looking after the kids anything close to full time males you in contention for DAD of the YEAR!

You can control the way you react, follow the advice above, get some breathing exercises to control the body's response and count to 10 or 20 if you even feel yourself coming close to responding.

You don't fight these battles alone, we are all here with you!
 
The worst thing you can do is give up. Pressure makes you feel like this sometimes. But it's deliberately being placed on you to satisfy another persons agenda. Close the door on that asap. I'm absolutely sure you are doing just fine. Nobody balancing as much as you are is a bad anything. That remark has clearly been made to break your spirits. Roblox is spot on, keep things formal. Disconnect your emotions from her triggers if you can. You'll feel much better about things.
 
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