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Am I sleepwalking into every other weekend with children?

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DanielS

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Newbie here and long story short folks: going through a difficult divorce, mediation on children failed with no outcome, wealthy ex wants her solicitor and courts to sort everything from here, we're still all living together and house is not yet on market, our first finances FDA hearing is later in September, and no court filing yet regarding children. Do majority childcare while ex works, clubs after school and the rest of it.

In mediation she bizarrely only offered me every other weekend because they should be with mum. Ex's family are pressuring me to accept her demands as "best" for the children.

I am concerned she and her solicitor have a plan to achieve every other weekend for me.

Given above, am I sleepwalking into a trap? I'm mentally unwell and stress of above is all I can handle, but I don't want to be a naïve fool either.

Should I be filing for children now? Before the finances FDA? Or no issues with waiting?

This group is fab and been so useful so far on this journey.
 
Hi

Leaving the house would be a mistake. As there's then a precedent for a primary carer etc. A mistake a few of us on here have made.

Ideally you what to try and get children matters sorted first and she will probably want finances sorted first.

Just ignore the offer of every other weekend.

What would you like 50 / 50 on the kids?
 
I agree, get the child arrangement proceedings going ASAP. Arrangements for the children take precedence over financials.

Before the acrimony and allegations get going. I suggest you do Subject Access Requests to all of the agencies involved with the kid(s): gp, nursery, school, health visitor, maternity ward... Anyone you can think of. These can be much more difficult to get after battles commence.

You are not sleep-walking into EOW, but it is much easier to get a live with order as a woman willing to use whatever means. Please take nothing about your situation as self-evident. You need to evidence everything. Solicitors and barristers are expert at creating a web of lies and it is very easy for you to be cast as the perpetrator. With that in mind, you might find yoursely fighting desperately for EOW.

I did.
 
Roblox said:
Hi

Leaving the house would be a mistake. As there's then a precedent for a primary carer etc. A mistake a few of us on here have made.

Ideally you what to try and get children matters sorted first and she will probably want finances sorted first.

Just ignore the offer of every other weekend.

What would you like 50 / 50 on the kids?
Click to expand...
At least 50/50
 
Resolute said:
I agree, get the child arrangement proceedings going ASAP. Arrangements for the children take precedence over financials.

Before the acrimony and allegations get going. I suggest you do Subject Access Requests to all of the agencies involved with the kid(s): gp, nursery, school, health visitor, maternity ward... Anyone you can think of. These can be much more difficult to get after battles commence.

You are not sleep-walking into EOW, but it is much easier to get a live with order as a woman willing to use whatever means. Please take nothing about your situation as self-evident. You need to evidence everything. Solicitors and barristers are expert at creating a web of lies and it is very easy for you to be cast as the perpetrator. With that in mind, you might find yoursely fighting desperately for EOW.

I did.
Click to expand...
Thank you for this. Is Health visitor and maternity ward SAR to prove I was there for birth and around for appointments etc.?
 
DanielS said:
Thank you for this. Is Health visitor and maternity ward SAR to prove I was there for birth and around for appointments etc.?
Click to expand...
Yes

Your ex's legal team's strategy is likely to be painting you as some or all of: absent, disinterested, incapable, dangerous, unhealthy, drug and alcohol dependent, financially irresponsible, criminal, abusive in many and various ways...

Having some official documents in reserve will likely give you evidence contrary to the picture painted.
 
Resolute said:
Yes

Your ex's legal team's strategy is likely to be painting you as some or all of: absent, disinterested, incapable, dangerous, unhealthy, drug and alcohol dependent, financially irresponsible, criminal, abusive in many and various ways...

Having some official documents in reserve will likely give you evidence contrary to the picture painted.
Click to expand...
Thank you
 
Definitely get an application in for Child Arrangements - for that you need to be signed off mediation for children matters. If mediation is currently for finances then you might need to see a different mediator to get a MIAM sign off for children matters.

As the others say - don't move out without a child arrangements order in place. I would suggest applying for 50/50 lives with both parents. You can always negotiate down from there.
 
Ash said:
Definitely get an application in for Child Arrangements - for that you need to be signed off mediation for children matters. If mediation is currently for finances then you might need to see a different mediator to get a MIAM sign off for children matters.

As the others say - don't move out without a child arrangements order in place. I would suggest applying for 50/50 lives with both parents. You can always negotiate down from there.
Click to expand...
Thank you everyone for your advice.

To confirm my understanding, what is the reason I should get the child application in now? Is it to avoid risk of her leaving with the children in the interim?

Given I do more than 50% at the moment, should I apply for more than 50/50 to the court in hope of negotiating down to 50/50 lives with both?
 
A part of what determines the finances is who does the parenting. You need to know your role as a parent before finances are divided.
 
No there’s no point in applying for more than 50/50 as it’s the most you’ll get and it would also be seen as trying to take the kids away from their Mother by Cafcass.

50/50 is a fair and equal arrangement after separation. So you’d be applying for an order to commence from the time you separate while giving an indication of what plan that round be and when (don’t worry things can still changed). Without some mention of say, I plan to move out and rent another home once child arrangements are resolved, they may not give an order.
 
Thanks everyone - could I just confirm the reason I should get the child application in now? Is it to avoid risk of her leaving with the children in the interim?
 
DanielS said:
Thanks everyone - could I just confirm the reason I should get the child application in now? Is it to avoid risk of her leaving with the children in the interim?
Click to expand...
It really helps to have an order in place before separation. So your kids don't go through the stress of being messed about and hardly seeing you if either of you moves out. And so you don't go through the stress of not being able to see them if one of you moves out because possession is 9/10ths of the law and ex's can dictate Child Arrangements or withold them unless you have them formalised in a court order.

It also avoids you being blackmailed financially, using the kids as leverage, once separated.
 
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