I am male-43. She is 28.
I learned about Dismissive avoidance and family enmeshment the past few months. We are due in November, but have been in no contact when she decided to breakup in a reverse discard kind of way after Mother’s Day.
No abuse of any kind. No cheating, no lies, nothing. She got overwhelmed and shut down. Needed some space. I tried to give it to her, by keeping communication light. But there was a conflict over the living arrangement- she decided to continue living with her parents during and after the pregnancy until I could buy a larger house. This decision was made after we had been discussing and taking steps towards her integrating into my home (I am a primary parent to two boys 10-12 from previous relationship) and without my involvement in the discussion. It was her independent decision and not our interdependent choice. So, I was hurt, confused, and felt disrespected. I pushed back at first, but conceded as I understood and validated her reasoning. But I tried to set a boundary that as partners, who are now going to be parents, we make decisions that impact eachother and our family unit as a team.
She continued to withdraw. Shut down. Stonewalled. I have been in no contact, with no updates on the pregnancy, no ultrasounds. Nothing. Blocked on Social media. Etc.
I explained that I just want to do what is best for our baby and that I have every intention to be his father. When he is born, I’d like to be on the birth certificate, for him to have my last name, provide paternity to establish parentage, visitation, shared custody and child support.
I’ve purchased items for her through her baby registry, but she blocked me on that too- I have given her over 1500.00 cash for baby expenses, and have paid for her health insurance since we found out we are pregnant.
I have considered there is a chance that she cheated, and is unsure who the father is, and until he is here, this is how she has decided to handle it. I am assuming the baby is mine. We were together 9 months at the time of conception.
If he is mine, I am anticipating an arduous and expensive court battle. If she even tells me that he was born and hasn’t ran to another State to hide. Currently, she is still local. November 22nd is the due date.
I heavily anticipate her trying to alienate me from day 1.
Has anyone else gone through this or know of a story similar to this? I have had a tremendously difficult time healing from this pain. Anxiety and depression in a high functioning way. Been strong for my kids, performing my job well, etc. but in my head space, especially when alone, I’m a wreck.
I learned about Dismissive avoidance and family enmeshment the past few months. We are due in November, but have been in no contact when she decided to breakup in a reverse discard kind of way after Mother’s Day.
No abuse of any kind. No cheating, no lies, nothing. She got overwhelmed and shut down. Needed some space. I tried to give it to her, by keeping communication light. But there was a conflict over the living arrangement- she decided to continue living with her parents during and after the pregnancy until I could buy a larger house. This decision was made after we had been discussing and taking steps towards her integrating into my home (I am a primary parent to two boys 10-12 from previous relationship) and without my involvement in the discussion. It was her independent decision and not our interdependent choice. So, I was hurt, confused, and felt disrespected. I pushed back at first, but conceded as I understood and validated her reasoning. But I tried to set a boundary that as partners, who are now going to be parents, we make decisions that impact eachother and our family unit as a team.
She continued to withdraw. Shut down. Stonewalled. I have been in no contact, with no updates on the pregnancy, no ultrasounds. Nothing. Blocked on Social media. Etc.
I explained that I just want to do what is best for our baby and that I have every intention to be his father. When he is born, I’d like to be on the birth certificate, for him to have my last name, provide paternity to establish parentage, visitation, shared custody and child support.
I’ve purchased items for her through her baby registry, but she blocked me on that too- I have given her over 1500.00 cash for baby expenses, and have paid for her health insurance since we found out we are pregnant.
I have considered there is a chance that she cheated, and is unsure who the father is, and until he is here, this is how she has decided to handle it. I am assuming the baby is mine. We were together 9 months at the time of conception.
If he is mine, I am anticipating an arduous and expensive court battle. If she even tells me that he was born and hasn’t ran to another State to hide. Currently, she is still local. November 22nd is the due date.
I heavily anticipate her trying to alienate me from day 1.
Has anyone else gone through this or know of a story similar to this? I have had a tremendously difficult time healing from this pain. Anxiety and depression in a high functioning way. Been strong for my kids, performing my job well, etc. but in my head space, especially when alone, I’m a wreck.
Yes…