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Agreeing Mediator - Ex Insisting on Choosing

J

JNLDN

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Hello All,

I hope you're all holding up ok.

Court has said we need to go back to mediation, my ex (via her solicitor) is insisting on selecting the mediators, providing me a list of 3 to choose from.

2 of them are ridiculously expensive, £400+VAT an hour, per person and the other is about twice as much as the previous mediator we used.

I have said I would be willing to pay only up to the cost of the mediator I have found, who's not in London (mediation will be remote anyway) so is much cheaper but no less qualified. Her solicitor is demanding I pay half the costs.

Nothing in the Order says who has the right to choose the mediator - her solicitor is acting (on her instruction) being incredibly argumentative, saying that if I don't agree to one of the mediators it will show we can't work together etc. I mean, I don't disagree.

Has anyone hit this issue before and what did you do?

Thanks.
 
Hi, been through this exactly.

Ignore exes solicitor, this has nothing to do with you both being unable to work together.

There is no reason to get into a back and forth on which mediator to use as they are impartial.

Your counter to that claim is that there is no reason to delay mediation if you have arranged one sooner and ex is delaying any resolution, which is not in the best interests of the child.

I would reply to her solicitor along the lines of that but il let someone chime in for the wording of it so it's non combative.

If you have mediation arranged I would sign off the MIAM and consider and application to the court for delay, especially if she's preventing you seeing your child in the meantime.
 
Thanks PJ66.

She has been delaying on mediation, however the issue is that she is insisting on choosing who we use.

I will email the court but I can't see them doing anything.
 
JNLDN said:
Thanks PJ66.

She has been delaying on mediation, however the issue is that she is insisting on choosing who we use.

I will email the court but I can't see them doing anything.
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Is this court ordered mediation?
 
well I think so but her solicitor is claiming that it isn't - it just says that we will attempt to agree plans via mediation.
 
JNLDN said:
well I think so but her solicitor is claiming that it isn't - it just says that we will attempt to agree plans via mediation.
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So what is the current order now?

What are the specific "plans" that we're supposed to be agreed to in mediation?

This seems very vague and the court should be making an order with the arrangements, not order you both to get out the court room and mediate the arrangements.
 
We were supposed to be mediating on overnight stays but it doesn't state that in the Order.
 
Sounds like a directive than rather an order.

The only point I see her being unreasonable about is the cost, she's giving you an option of 3 and letting you choose which is fair, it's purely the cost which is the issue by the sounds of it.
 
correct, but she has also been delaying things, and trying to add more things to the mediation. I think I will go back and say she can either find a mediator with lower fees, agree to the one I suggested, or I will tell the court she is trying to financially intimidate me.
 
It's more stalling tactics. Insisting on choosing is a common controlling behaviour.
They tend to be like this with choosing anything, therapists, schools, doctors etc.
So I agree with you that she is being unreasonable.
 
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