After court order is issued, the new threats and how to deal with it?

[MRSmith]

I am after some advice please,.

We got court order 2 months ago. Since then we had the child who is 8, every other weekend and now for the half term week.
The rp constantly looking for issues, new dramas, new ways to come up with new accusations, and constantly pestering with messages, calls , every day when the kid is here.
We agreed to once a week 30 mins call as per court interim contact whilst waiting for court order to come.
Our interim contact stated clearly that if the child wants to call the other parent, they can do. Problem is - the child never wants to call the mom, never asks to call too, even after encouragement to call - The answer is always no. Sometimes don't even wanna go home and we have to encourage that we will meet again soon etc.

Court order is yet to be sent so not sure for exact wording how it's set there, but these calls from the mother is non stop. Also messages, demands to get the child to call her, it's getting a little too much and after politely asking to respect our time with the child, no changes to situation.

Sometimes we force the phone so the mum can have her chats here and there, but it's also changing the dynamics , mood and how the child behave after.

The mother also calls and messages the child on the tablet directly but the child don't answer her calls and tells us - mum is trying to call me. When asking why not answering, says she don't want to, or will do later.

The calls and messages coming few times a day, and when no reply is given, we get threats to be taken to court as we withholding contact, and that we are lying and she's not spoken with the child for 3 days and the child is pretending not to want to speak with her because dont want to upset us so - it's better be true etc.

Is there anything we can do in this case for her to stop these calls and messages whilst the child is with us? It's ruining our time together, it affects us all massively.

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

you could apply for an NMO?

 

[bujanin]

This is more or less harassment.

If you've had the draught order it should state clearly how comms are to look.

You could also insist on a parenting app as the sole means of communication stating politely your reasons for wanting to eliminate other forms of communication.

 

[Anon3000]

Whilst your child is with you, can you just block the mother? If there is nothing in your court order talking about indirect contact (other than child can call mum whenever they want), then what’s to stop you blocking her whilst you have your child with you? You’re not withholding contact, you’re sticking to the CAO.

I would look at an NMO though.

 

[MRSmith]

Thank you all for comments.
What is the process of NMO? Where do I start ?

 

[MRSmith]

This is more or less harassment.

If you've had the draught order it should state clearly how comms are to look.

You could also insist on a parenting app as the sole means of communication stating politely your reasons for wanting to eliminate other forms of communication.

We communicate on court app only. Problem is , when the child is with me, she contacts me every day demanding to speak with the child.

Whilst at the same time she is calling/ messaging our daughter directly on her tablet via Skype.

This woman thinks she's above law and does what she wants regardless what's in court order.

If the child would ask to call mum, which has never happened so far, this never been declined before court , and won't be now. But the mum messaging with already twisting scenario that we don't allow her to call mum when she wants to.

Seems like we need to force the kid to call mum and we trying every day to encourage to call mum , that she hasn't spoken with her for few days and wants to hear her voice and just to make sure shes okay etc. The answer is a no, I don't want to. When asked why ' she says mum always asking me if I am okay million times and it's boring and takes long time and I am always okay.

So not sure if we need to start recording these chats as the mother threatening to report this to cafcass and decline access again.

 

[bujanin]

We communicate on court app only. Problem is , when the child is with me, she contacts me every day demanding to speak with the child.

Whilst at the same time she is calling/ messaging our daughter directly on her tablet via Skype.

This woman thinks she's above law and does what she wants regardless what's in court order.

If the child would ask to call mum, which has never happened so far, this never been declined before court , and won't be now. But the mum messaging with already twisting scenario that we don't allow her to call mum when she wants to.

Seems like we need to force the kid to call mum and we trying every day to encourage to call mum , that she hasn't spoken with her for few days and wants to hear her voice and just to make sure shes okay etc. The answer is a no, I don't want to. When asked why ' she says mum always asking me if I am okay million times and it's boring and takes long time and I am always okay.

So not sure if we need to start recording these chats as the mother threatening to report this to cafcass and decline access again.

What is a court app?

I think that apps like our family wizard are intended for the children to use as well as parents, they provide call logs etc that keep things on track.

If you have a court order and she is constantly breaching it there are processes that will get her put under manners by the court. So long as you can demonstrate her constant comms and not following the order it's a breach.

Whether this or a NMO is the right way forward others will know but it sounds like she is a total pest.

 

[Peanut 21]

I'm wondering if a way of covering your back, if you end up going back to court in the future, is for your child to text mum once in the morning and once before bed to placate her. Obviously you can write the text and send it on behalf of your child. At least this way you have evidence you're not stopping telephone comms if/when the ex alleges this.
She undoubtedly still won't be satisfied with this but tough.
These mothers have real separation anxiety. My partners ex would set similar demands, needing to contact the kids incessantly. It really ruins your time with them.
Your poor child is being put under pressure to reassure their mum which isn't fair.