Advise

[waxim]

Hi Everyone,

Im feeling so sad and lonely have no one to talk I searched something on google and this group came across. I need some advise please. I applied to the court for child arrangement order and I haven’t seen my child for 1 year no phone call or any other form of communication. My ex has made a lot of false allegations which include domestic abuse, controlling behaviour and sadly an allegation of forceful sex, in the section 7 report cafcass completely sided with my ex and she did not mention many things I told her in my interview also, she misrepresented my statements. My child is 9 years old and she told the cafcass that she does not want to see me anymore and she loves her new father as my ex got married soon after we got divorced. In my first hearing court did not allow me any contact in my second hearing the judge said due to nature of allegations your case will be allocated to the district judge.

My question is my child does not want to see me should I still hang in there or just withdraw and give my child the time to grow up and make decision I’m struggling mentally so bad and I feel like I can’t cope with it and even if I get the access the child does not want to see me or shall I just hang in there. I feel very hopeless because no one is hearing my voice and everyone involved in the case is just siding with the mom?

 

[Roblox]

Hi

Did any of the allegations your ex has made get reported to the police or social services etc.

 

[waxim]

In the section 7 report she told cafcass that she wanted to report it to the police but she didn’t. Also, cafcass officer mentioned in her report that she reported to the local authority that my ex has been victim of domestic abuse for future reference or protection.

 

[Roblox]

The fact she hasn't reported to police is good from your perspective.

There have been some recent changes regarding cafcass guidelines but from what you're saying there's been no actual reporting to any authority before cafcass involvement which is a big positive for you.

Are you going to be represented at court by a barrister.

I don't think hope is lost here but I think you need to seriously consider some legal representation at court. You can probably avoid a solicitor as most of that type of advice can be obtained of here.

Have you had any free consultations from solicitors. You can usually get half hour free. If funds are tight you may want to pay for some advice from a solicitor and then use this forum to get a plan of action in place.

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Need to ask is there any truth in any allegations?

At 9 you're still in with a good chance. Do you think your daughter wants to see you as often we get cases on here that have involved alienation.

 

[waxim]

Thank you for answering!

There is no truth in the allegations and there was nothing to report to police because I didn’t do anything, however she told a very convincing story and she is very good at it. I presume when cafcass asked did you report to the police she said she didn’t because she thought it’s normal she just acting as if she does not know anything

She accused me of forcing her to have sex with me during pregnancy and causing miscarriage it’s just unbelievable that she came up with such deeply upsetting allegation, the reality is at that time she was struggling with her pregnancy and I supported her emotionally and everything we discussed her pregnancy report and there was abnormality, the feotus heart wasn’t develop and she had miscarriage, moreover she has a history of miscarriages! I can understand from a woman perspective how sad it can be for her having a miscarriage but using this miscarriage against me is utterly despicable

She turned my child against me and how I can say that it’s because when we separated she started communicating with me through our daughters phone our daughter was reading the messages in fact I wasn’t responding to those messages. my ex started telling her side of the story making me the bad person and I told her do not talk to our child about our problems but she never listened.

One day my daughter suddenly message me on WhatsApp saying that dad I know you don’t love me or miss me I’m very sad my mum told me everything and I don’t want to talk.

I have been representing myself I do not have any solicitor or barrister.

 

[Peanut 21]

Welcome to the forum.
I'm sorry you're going through this. The build up to Christmas can make things feel worse.
It's important to remember it is not your daughters true feelings. Children don't know how to hate and it's not natural to reject a parent.
Please vent away on the site. You're not alone here as many dads are in a similar boat to you.

 

[Roblox]

That sounds like classic alienation and it sounds like there's evidence for court. What did cafcass say to that.

Do you have a budget at all for representation. I think you can definitely fight this. It's not uncommon for cafcass to act in the way they have here.

 

[Peanut 21]

It's not uncommon for cafcass to act in the way they have here

I agree. It's lazy reporting on the situation.

 

[Scotay]

Classic lies and alienation tactics, obviously taking her script from other bitter bitches.
She will no doubt be wanting to move on with the new guy and wants you out the picture, bet she's still happy to take maintenance money off you though.

My ex stated many times in court paperwork i caused her to have miscarriage because i gave her an STD in court papers. My lawyer asked for her medical records and they showed she had a termination without my knowledge.

 

[MountainGoat]

Hey there,
Just wanted to chip in here and say I feel for you. I've been in the same situation as you, being thrown allegations left right and centre.
It is hard to just let it go and it affects me greatly the length these women go to to try and destroy us.

Like you my stbx has accused me of controlling her and forcing her to have sex, stopping her from seeing friends, etc. The list goes on and on.
The main thing to remember is that they need to prove this and if they cant then they have nothing to go on.
Yes, it is highly wrong and will make you feel awful, but that is what they want. Don't let them break you.

I've cried my eyes out reading some of the things they say in their statements bt remember it makes you realise these people are evil and you are better than them.

The key thing is remembering they will find anything to take you down, so be careful. Don't give them any ammunition.
Focus on the kids and that is the best you can do.

Happy to chat if you needed a rant or anything.