Advice on what to do as im stuck

[andycol]

Hey Everyone,

I am in the process of getting seperated as my "wife" has decided she wants us to live apart etc
So here is the catch
She does not work and has not worked in over 5 years as she has been a stay at home mom, she has also been home educating our daughter as my daughter suffers from some anxiety issues

She wants to move out and for us to both move to seperate places
Currently we live in a decent size house with a garden etc
she wants to move into a flat somewhere "cheap" do i have any rights to not allow her as i feel i dont want my daughter to have to move to a less safe area due to her mother being irational, i am hoping i can somehow get my daughter to live with me in a better place and she can just visit her daily

Do you think there is any chance of that legaly?

 

[Resolute]

Hi Andycol

On first reading, it feels like a long and complicated process to get from where you are now to a conclusion. Here's a series of questions I believe are relevant.

Are you thinking your daughter would only see your STBX for home education and live with you other than that?

Are you working full time?

Couldn't your soon to be ex argue for her and your daughter to stay in the nice house with a garden and you to move out?

How old is your daughter?

Do you have the same experience and availability to look after your daughter's needs?

Is there a chance that your ex could make allegations against you? E.g. abuse, alcoholism, mental health...

Could you agree a bird's nest arrangement?

 

[andycol]

Hi Resolute,

Yes she would live with me and only see the mother for home education or put back in school
Yes i work full time from home
Well we are both having to move out the house i cant afford to pay for the house and a flat
Yes i do have the same experience and availability
No chance as there has been none of that and i dont drink or take drugs etc
what is a birds nest arrangement?

 

[Resolute]

Birds nest would be the child staying in the house and parents swapping in and out for time they will be with the child.

I struggle to picture a court ordering stbx to do home education and child living with you. But, particular circumstances can lead to surprising outcomes.

On the allegations, evidence is not absolutely necessary in the family court.

 

[andycol]

Could the court order me to pay for her to home educate the child and pay for them 100% like rent etc

 

[Resolute]

Child arrangements and financial arrangements are dealt with under different legislation and in different hearings. If court becomes necessary. Generally, it is good to focus on child arrangements first.

If your stbx is advised by a family law solicitor. She may well come to see that allegations against you could give her advantage. Claims that can go well without evidence, include:

Financial abuse

Coercive control

Psychological abuse

Personal experience, and experiences shared by other members, lead me to feel extremely cautious about allegations. For me, caution applies regardless of the facts.

To be perfectly honest, on the face of it, it seems unfair to have one parent do the education and the other parent do the rest. Again, particular circumstances might justify such an arrangement.

 

[Ash]

Hello and welcome. Without your wife's agreement I don't think there is any way at all that the court would order that your child lives with you. Sadly family courts are extremely biased towards Mothers being the main carer. Not very 21st century. The most ideal situation and the most likely you'd get is 50/50 shared care. ie the child lives with both parents and, depending on their age and your thoughts on schedules, this could either be week on week off, or 2-2-5-5 (2-2-5-5 is every other week-end with each parent from Friday to Monday morning and two consecutive midweek overnights with each parent. The 5 nights is the two midweek nights tacked onto the week-end fortnightly).

If you really don't want to separate, maybe you could try having counselling with your wife and see if you can resolve things. It's best to keep things as amicable as you can.