Advice? Help? My situation....

[Resolute]

I have a very open mind and therefore think you're being unfair by commenting I don't like your suggestions.

Your suggestion is go the legal avenue sooner or later.

However you also have stated that your ex has failed to comply with all court/legal orders, the legal judges have been as lenient as possible and you have unfortunately not seen your child in over a year.

The family court in my opinion is totally on the side of the mother. So when my solictor told me as long as my kid had my back then I was more or less home in a boat for full custody regardless of what the mother says, I was over the moon.

You then told me my solictor was being naive and idealistic.

It feels like you're saying take a punt on the legal route simply because it's unfortunately the only action I have. Not because you genuinely believe in it.

At the minute I have a 60/40 court order. I am not subjecting my son to 6+ months of mental torture and turmoil to come away with anything less than full custody.

My son wants to live with me. I want to be his primary parent.

His mother is standing in the way of that.

So perhaps it's all about timing. Getting my ducks in a row.

Over the next few months perhaps let her know in as nice a way as possible that he wants to live with me. The longer she holds him back, the more she's blatantly thinking of herself and not my son.

Turn the screw, put the pressure on and keep legal action until such times my son is ready and pray to God my solictor was right.

Anybody any advice on how to let a selfish, narrow minded, bitter ex know and understand that our 10 year old wants a better life for himself with his dad?

Perhaps that should of been what I asked originally.

I am unsure about the idea of letting her know in as nice a way as possible. My gut tells me that your ex will read this and make both of your lives hell. You are probably doing a great job, your ex has not exploded and your child sees you as the better option. Keep that going, hold you position, not going backwards is no small feat!

Seen as we're speaking frankly now, I think you have 2 options:

1
Let the kid grow up a bit and get to secondary school. Then do your legal action. This will likely mean wishes and feeling are assessed fairly quickly and you can get him out for the interim.

2
Try to manoeuvre you child's discontent into something that would be recognised as a safeguarding concern and use that as a basis to withhold pending the court's decision.

Neither of these are easy or certain. But, you need to leverage the child's preference in a way that does not require an extended period where they are exposed to your ex during the whirlwind of proceedings.

 

[Ash]

I would just keep with the existing 60/40 order, enjoy all the time you have with your son, and tell him the door is always open. In four years or so he might just move in. I can understand why he wouldn't want to go through all the court stuff and extreme pressure from your ex again. It affects their lives, their friendships. They can become a target at school. It would be a year of unhappiness. Could be even worse once he gets to secondary school. At that age their friendships become even more important - and also their sense of embarrassment is stronger - they want to fit in.

I don't think the court would change residency either, even if your son said he wanted to live with you. Because Cafcass are biased towards Mothers, and would say no need to change his routine.

Now if your ex started breaching the current order, then you could go back to court and ask for residency - but you'd probably get 50/50.

Sometimes it's better to make the best of the existing schedule and do what you can re bringing him up and his education. As Peanut says, if he moves in with you when he's 14 then the court aren't going to make him go back if he says he wants to live with you. (Assuming your ex actually took it back to court and by then he'd probably be 15).

 

[Cool_Dad]

I would just keep with the existing 60/40 order, enjoy all the time you have with your son, and tell him the door is always open. In four years or so he might just move in. I can understand why he wouldn't want to go through all the court stuff and extreme pressure from your ex again. It affects their lives, their friendships. They can become a target at school. It would be a year of unhappiness. Could be even worse once he gets to secondary school. At that age their friendships become even more important - and also their sense of embarrassment is stronger - they want to fit in.

I don't think the court would change residency either, even if your son said he wanted to live with you. Because Cafcass are biased towards Mothers, and would say no need to change his routine.

Now if your ex started breaching the current order, then you could go back to court and ask for residency - but you'd probably get 50/50.

Sometimes it's better to make the best of the existing schedule and do what you can re bringing him up and his education. As Peanut says, if he moves in with you when he's 14 then the court aren't going to make him go back if he says he wants to live with you. (Assuming your ex actually took it back to court and by then he'd probably be 15).

A bitter, bitter pill to swallow.

Where society will hold the worse mother in the world in a higher regard than the best dad in the world. For no reason other than by natural default she's the one that give birth. And as amazing as that is, it's not where the effort stops. It's merely where it should excel in abundance!

A mother who offers a kid nothing other than the label 'mother' is deemed a better option in the powers that be than a dad who can give his kid the world.

It's actually heartbreaking for my son and I.

Guys thank you for the help, support and advice. Truly appreciated.

Is there any way I can make a small donation towards the upkeep of the website?

 

[Ash]

Just been working on that..... (donation set up).