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Addressing Mental Health Allegations

Kyle

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Despite having an order granting me every other weekend, that I had to fight for following initial contact denial supported with welfare allegations of alcoholism, that was disproven with Hair Strand testing, my sons mother caught me off guard in the run-up to Christmas, and her gaslighting antics caused me to get emotional, (I broke down crying on the phone and during the handover attempt at my house, after a very stressful week) she then used that emotion to breach the order, deny me further contact and claim that I am mentally unstable as justification!

Attempts to reason with her failed, and after 3 weeks of texting her to resolve and two missed contact dates, she told me not to contact her again, so I submitted a C79 application for an Enforcement Order.

The CAFCASS safeguarding report prior to the enforcement hearing has been an interesting read. A single paragraph from me explaining what happened on that day. Three pages and 10 paragraphs from the ex dragging up the past, present and somehow, seeing into the future!

Despite alleging that I have severe mental health issues and my son will not be safe in my care unless I undergo psychiatric treatment that the court must oversee!! She has admitted to CAFCASS as suffering from anxiety, but claims it is managed without the need for medication!

To use the hurt and distress that I experienced from being tormented on that day and being denied access to my son, as a means of labelling me mentally unstable to further justify denying me access to him, takes some fathoming. This is called gaslighting. The deception of a person’s memory, perception of reality or mental stability.

Studies have shown that gaslighting is more prevalent in people who have maladaptive personality traits such as those associated with short-term mental illness...like anxiety disorder!

So, the person with the mental illness, is accusing me of having a mental illness!! The person who is harming my sons welfare, is accusing me of being the person who will jeopardise his welfare.

The two enforcement hearing battle plans I have laid out infront of me are:

1) Completely ignore everything she has said. Play it all down as being petty nonsense. Maintain the non-critical position and uphold that the CAO is good and continue to advocate for peaceful co-parenting.

2) Counter-claim her mental health allegations supported by proof of her anxiety disorder admission, backed-up with every piece of correspondence that highlights her extreme maladaptive personality.

I will never have peace with this woman. My son will never have the childhood he deserves. At what point does the Lives With and Spends Time With arrangement need to change?

She will never stick to this CAO without finding a reason to breach it. When will the court start to think about switching the Lives With and Spends Time With arrangement due to her hostility, refusal to comply, and obvious personality flaws?
 
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Despite having an order granting me every other weekend, that I had to fight for following initial contact denial supported with welfare allegations of alcoholism, that was disproven with Hair Strand testing, my sons mother caught me off guard in the run-up to Christmas, and her gaslighting antics caused me to get emotional, (I broke down crying on the phone and during the handover attempt at my house, after a very stressful week) she then used that emotion to breach the order, deny me further contact and claim that I am mentally unstable as justification!

Attempts to reason with her failed, and after 3 weeks of texting her to resolve and two missed contact dates, she told me not to contact her again, so I submitted a C79 application for an Enforcement Order.

The CAFCASS safeguarding report prior to the enforcement hearing has been an interesting read. A single paragraph from me explaining what happened on that day. Three pages and 10 paragraphs from the ex dragging up the past, present and somehow, seeing into the future!

Despite alleging that I have severe mental health issues and my son will not be safe in my care unless I undergo psychiatric treatment that the court must oversee!! She has admitted to CAFCASS as suffering from anxiety, but claims it is managed without the need for medication!

To use the hurt and distress that I experienced from being tormented on that day and being denied access to my son, as a means of labelling me mentally unstable to further justify denying me access to him, takes some fathoming. This is called gaslighting. The deception of a person’s memory, perception of reality or mental stability.

Studies have shown that gaslighting is more prevalent in people who have maladaptive personality traits such as those associated with short-term mental illness...like anxiety disorder!

So, the person with the mental illness, is accusing me of having a mental illness!! The person who is harming my sons welfare, is accusing me of being the person who will jeopardise his welfare.

The two enforcement hearing battle plans I have laid out infront of me are:

1) Completely ignore everything she has said. Play it all down as being petty nonsense. Maintain the non-critical position and uphold that the CAO is good and continue to advocate for peaceful co-parenting.

2) Counter-claim her mental health allegations supported by proof of her anxiety disorder admission, backed-up with every piece of correspondence that highlights her extreme maladaptive personality.

I will never have peace with this woman. My son will never have the childhood he deserves. At what point does the Lives With and Spends Time With arrangement need to change?

She will never stick to this CAO without finding a reason to breach it. When will the court start to think about switching the Lives With and Spends Time With arrangement due to her hostility, refusal to comply, and obvious personality flaws?

Sounds like a similar situation that I am in. Mother claims I had alcohol and mental health issues, my GP note shut that down.

Her GP note (which she delayed in submitting) highlights her long term mental health issues and recently admitted to taking class A drugs.

Cafcass didn't even question her issues and this will be something I will highlight during my next hearing.
 
The CAFCASS advice to the court in my report says that contact should resume. They have only highlighted that my sons contact with is father is being disrupted and it is not good for him. They have not mentioned that they support the exes request to send me for "psychiatric treatment."

I have made my own arrangements to get support for stress via a private therapist. As far as I am aware, she does not know about this, and I don't want her too, as she will absolutely claim that that is proof of my "mental instability" not that I'm trying to balance a new business start-up in parallel with fighting for the right to be a father.

The balance is knowing when to press these concerns or refrain for fear of just being seen as stoking conflict. When does your critism get recognised as genuine concern? When does the court start to take notice that the mother really is the problem, really is the welfare risk, and if truth be told, the roles should reverse? She should have the every other weekend Spends Time With and my son should live with me?
 
The CAFCASS advice to the court in my report says that contact should resume. They have only highlighted that my sons contact with is father is being disrupted and it is not good for him. They have not mentioned that they support the exes request to send me for "psychiatric treatment."

I have made my own arrangements to get support for stress via a private therapist. As far as I am aware, she does not know about this, and I don't want her too, as she will absolutely claim that that is proof of my "mental instability" not that I'm trying to balance a new business start-up in parallel with fighting for the right to be a father.

The balance is knowing when to press these concerns or refrain for fear of just being seen as stoking conflict. When does your critism get recognised as genuine concern? When does the court start to take notice that the mother really is the problem, really is the welfare risk, and if truth be told, the roles should reverse? She should have the every other weekend Spends Time With and my son should live with me?

Unfortunately, they have to see actual harm to consider it. We are labelled as causing conflict whenever we raise safeguarding concerns.
 
With the Cafcass report in your favour, I see no need to raise the concerns you mentioned at an enforcement hearing. I'm not clear what purpose it will serve. If you are right, and she does not comply after the enforcement. You could consider raising concerns as part of a C100 to vary.

I have not spoken to my ex in more than two years. It is much easier that way.
 
It's one thing I struggle with how are fathers after all the abuse they are been put through expected not to have mental health issues.. Also majority of people now days suffer with Anxiety and are taking meds.. I feel Caffcass need to update their knowledge on this. As men should not be in a position that they cannot not seek help without the fear of it been used against them in court.
 
I would get a letter from your GP. Saying you are not diagnosed or sort treatment for any Mental Health condition.

You had an emotional day a few months ago. That’s called being human. Whatever your ex is dragging up is historical and irrelevant.

There are complete double standards regarding mental health and fathers. If a mother has MH issues she is supported by caffcass and the courts. If a father has MH issues it’s regarded as a welfare concern.

I would stick with battle plan 1.

The reason I suggest taking along a GP letter is potentially your ex barrister could push for a psychiatric report which will cost 3K. Nip the allegation in the bud.

Even if you highlighted that your ex has anxiety or MH issues they are not going to switch custody and it will just look like attacking the mother.

The system is BS
 
The first one - as Resolute says - the Cafcass letter is in your favour. If you raise issues about her it will just make the court think there is conflict between parents. Let it out on here and be the perfect co parent - it will show her up. The more she gets black marks like this - ie if it happened again - then the closer you are to a change of residence. But always be the one who doesn't make allegations. It won't achieve anything at this stage.

Did you find out why the hearing was adjourned?
 
As a health professional, my advice would be to leave the courts to decide about the mental health of your ex and not mention it. Your ex would need to be independently assessed by a mental health professional and you may find yourself paying the costs, which would be very expensive indeed. CAFCASS and social services will act on their own suspicions, leave them to it. As others have said, being emotional at times is not a chronic mental health condition and the courts won't be interested. So simply deny the allegations and let your ex kick up a fuss , for which I suspect the court will ignore. In other words.. "don't make a mountain out of a molehill".
 
As a health professional, my advice would be to leave the courts to decide about the mental health of your ex and not mention it. Your ex would need to be independently assessed by a mental health professional and you may find yourself paying the costs, which would be very expensive indeed. CAFCASS and social services will act on their own suspicions, leave them to it. As others have said, being emotional at times is not a chronic mental health condition and the courts won't be interested. So simply deny the allegations and let your ex kick up a fuss , for which I suspect the court will ignore. In other words.. "don't make a mountain out of a molehill".

I have calmed down significantly over recent days, and practicing what I preach, by not making important, potentially life changing decisions, when I'm emotional.

My Enforcement Hearing position statement is in its 10th draft!! Talk of Voodoo Dolls has gone, (although it was rather therapeutic to write!) Not one word of critisism of the ex remains. Just a calm and unprejudiced overview of the latest dispute, and my positive, child focused position looking ahead.
 
What are the typical causes of hearing vacation?
Candidates, in no particular order:

Judge availability

Listing Error

Fewer hearings than average being cancelled - they overlist in anticipation of cancellation

Dirty tricks from the party fearful of losing
 
What are the typical dirty tricks?
For example, I no longer have a Solicitor due to monetary challenges, I can't represent myself, can we please give me time to sort this issue.
There are plenty of loopholes with which you can try & push and vacate a hearing BUT it's a one time hail mary.

Any judge granting such a vacation is likley to also warn the party that it won't be allowed a second time.
 
An ex with a lawyer might have the lawyer contact the court to vacate the hearing - saying the lawyer isn't available on that date. Usually if the other side requests adjournment, the court would seek your agreement first but if a lawyer says, at the last minute - not available, these are my availability dates, it's possible they may get it cancelled. I'm not sure how but I know it happened to someone else (shortly after they read his position statement).
 
It's one thing I struggle with how are fathers after all the abuse they are been put through expected not to have mental health issues.. Also majority of people now days suffer with Anxiety and are taking meds.. I feel Caffcass need to update their knowledge on this. As men should not be in a position that they cannot not seek help without the fear of it been used against them in court.
Exactly this.

They take your children and home, then force you into a man hating system, designed to demean and devalue you for years, which costs.

Then when you get depression or whatever, that in itself is used by your ex, the court and cafcass, to further demean and devalue you as a father.

It seems what you're supposed to do when your ex weaponises your child by essentially kidnapping them, is to shrug and just accept it. Like its a bad day at work or something. Then keep doing the same for years, while it gets steadily worse.

I'd say a father behaving in that way is actually more cause for parenting concern than most mental health issues. A dad who isn't deeply affected by their child being kidnapped?

What Cafcass and social services do isn't safeguarding, its discrimination. Goes without saying children should be safe. But Cafcass and social services ignore parental alienation when mother does it. In fact, they now pretend that it doesn't exist.

If they were actually safeguarding they would address that. But they don't. Because their role is to ensure the court can remove fathers from children.
 
An ex with a lawyer might have the lawyer contact the court to vacate the hearing - saying the lawyer isn't available on that date. Usually if the other side requests adjournment, the court would seek your agreement first but if a lawyer says, at the last minute - not available, these are my availability dates, it's possible they may get it cancelled. I'm not sure how but I know it happened to someone else (shortly after they read his position statement).

The letter from the court came a week before the hearing. There was no information in that letter other than notification of a FHDRA in March, the February hearing had been vacated. No explanation as to why, and no agreement sought by the other party, if it was applicable or relevant.
 
Exactly this.

They take your children and home, then force you into a man hating system, designed to demean and devalue you for years, which costs.

Then when you get depression or whatever, that in itself is used by your ex, the court and cafcass, to further demean and devalue you as a father.

It seems what you're supposed to do when your ex weaponises your child by essentially kidnapping them, is to shrug and just accept it. Like its a bad day at work or something. Then keep doing the same for years, while it gets steadily worse.

I'd say a father behaving in that way is actually more cause for parenting concern than most mental health issues. A dad who isn't deeply affected by their child being kidnapped?

What Cafcass and social services do isn't safeguarding, its discrimination. Goes without saying children should be safe. But Cafcass and social services ignore parental alienation when mother does it. In fact, they now pretend that it doesn't exist.

If they were actually safeguarding they would address that. But they don't. Because their role is to ensure the court can remove fathers from children.
"parental alienation",, even the term is banned, but it so common ( in my case, extreme) that some terminology needs to be put in place and it should be on the CAFCASS checklist as a separate item. Lets be clear here, we are all going through court, because one parent or the other, or both are unreasonable or unwilling and if you turn a child against the "other side" you win, regardless of the court outcome.

I have CAFCASS tel call in a few days time and everyone is telling me not to mention "parental alienation" in any form, but if I'm asked I certainly can't deny it, as it is happening, and in my case it is not just extreme , but I have good evidence ( texts, events, witnesses x 6) but I will try to keep my powder dry and concentrate on my son, for the call.
 
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